An Unorthodox Life

I was saved in my early twenties.  With that salvation came a sense of what could be.  Perhaps an understanding of what life could could become.  At fifty, I can only shake my head.  It certainly has not been as idyllic as I first thought.  I blame myself, and go on to understand that maybe this is the way it was supposed to turn out.

My walk with Jesus has been real.  I have looked on nothing or anybody else.  And yet I am aware of a confusion, and  a disconnectedness that that is a bit odd.  I realize that my soul has been hunted, and that I’m vulnerable.  But I can’t let go of Him who I call Savior.  It certainly has not been easy.  I am perhaps the most troubled of all His followers.

The promises can’t be diminished or revoked.  He has dedicated Himself to reaching me.  I’ve been told that He not only plucks me out of my darkness but His intention is to heal and balance me.  My confusion is not enough to sidetrack His will.

I don’t know what my future holds.  But to be honest, I don’t anticipate any magic,  or creative spirituality.  I do not think things will suddenly get bright all of a sudden.  But I can tell you this much, that I will never turn from His grace or goodness.  I hang on them as a shipwrecked man clings to a log, out in the middle of the ocean.

I am most unorthodox, I know.  I do not fit the mold of the average believer.  I am too blunt, direct and disconnected.  But I do know Jesus.  He has come to save the broken-hearted, and come as a physician to a very sick soul.  I trust Him to fix me.

We stand on the threshold of a real and authentic life.  For some, we must understand  this bizarre walk of discipleship.  That really is not critical to salvation.  Unquestionably, we must believe in His love.  But a stable and established walk will not save us.  Salvation has always been by grace through faith.  My dysfunctionalism doesn’t incur His rejection, the opposite is true.  He loves losers, and looks especially on those who know they are very lost.

I especially want to encourage my brothers with a mental illness.  You’ve been dealt a second blow.  Others will never understand.  But Jesus does. You have a gift to bring to the table.  He can pour much more grace into you.  Don’t be discouraged by the resistance coming out of your thinking.  You are especially His.  He holds you with a transforming love.