I have been ill for a long time. My hepatitis has been aggravated the last three months. My depression has been a bit better, but it seems to linger like an unwelcome guest. Recovery from the effects from my brain tumor has stalled. And I suppose I could go on, but I won’t.
I’m mindful that I was very aware of hypochondriacs before this recent spate with a medical issues. I was pretty much annoyed by these complainers, they seemed to always be talking about themselves. Their self-absorption with problems and complaints was an irritant for me.
Until it happens to you. Lots of times there can be a domino effect, with illness following illness. The doctors call this “kindling.” There can be an overwhelming co-occurance. Things can move down hill fairly fast. And many conditions can overlap.
I have not shared with you about my struggles with night terrors and nightmares, my issues with anxiety/panic. But right on the top is a constant battle with tinnitus. I’m a bit torn about even mentioning them even now. (If I’m offending you, I ask that you forgive me.)
Maintaining a spiritual discipleship is an obvious challenge. Having something even resembling a living faith is pretty hard. Three things have helped me. These three doesn’t mean that there aren’t others, its just these are the boiled-down essentials.
1) Prayer–
Things will often turn from bitter to sweet in just a moment. I think of Jesus turning plain, basic water into a delicious and succulent wine. When he shows up, everything changes– I change. I need him, his presence isn’t an “option.”
2) The Word–
Sometimes a just a phrase, a perceived inflection on the words. Simple verses, rolling through my heart and thinking creates hope, and recharges me through one more day. I realize that these are our promises, for me to call my own. My enemy who hates me, is afraid when I start reading it.
3) Serving Others–
I can easily paralyze myself with the awful venom of selfishness. Self-absorbed faith will kill me. Actually, brokenbelievers.com has been a way for me to recover, from the cozy confines of our loft here in Alaska– on a beat up old laptop. It has been a necessary thing.
Each of the three listed above work better when you mix and match them. Take prayer and combine with the Word and they will strengthen each other. Sort of a synergy happens, and things will come together for you, for one more day. And that is just how it seems to work.
Related articles
- Discipleship is Intimacy (brokenbelievers.com)
- Slow growth of childhood brain tumors explained (medicalxpress.com)
- The Grace of Surrender (bibletweets.wordpress.com)
My Internet is down. This is going to take a little ingenuity — maybe even my BlackBerry. Please be patient. I will have it up as soon as I can.
NP at all.
Nothing was offensive in your post, Bryan. You inspire and give us hope. If you can make it one more day, in prayer, in the Word, serving others . . .than surely I can too.
God bless you and this ministry that He has given you.
A long time ago (10 years now?), God seemed to give my wife and I a little prescription for repair and maintenance in our marriage–read, pray, touch. Your list feels similar, although I suppose the physical touch is replaced by the touch offered into other people’s lives. Your blog post of several weeks ago about self-pity (6/4) really struck a chord. I think this little self-maintenance list works well, and somewhere in this I would add worship.
I often wonder if I’m only defeated as much as I want to be. There seems to be far more power available to us if we only have the courage, stamina, intestinal fortitude, to tap into it. Your blog about a Christian’s bloody heritage (6/20) seems, in an oblique way, to reinforce this idea of power. Continue to tell the story of your testimony in real and honest ways. Your struggle is not just that of one person. You mentioned a month or two ago receiving pressure from family and doctors to go back into the hospital. But, these blogs kept coming each day and I wondered if you had avoided that re-admission and if so, how you did it. Details aren’t necessary, but that’s my encouragement to you–your story keeps us all headed in the right directions–up and forward!
I considered “worship” for some time. In my own thinking, I guessed I saw that worship was a form of prayer. I know that when I am praying it feels like worship, but when I’m worshipping it really isn’t prayer. IDK on this one. It’s purely subjective I guess.
I’ve elected to avoid hospitalization for now. I think a lot about it a lot. Most of the time I feel I made the right decision. I guess you come to the point, after 8-9 trips it is no longer a novelty, but it becomes problematic. You kind of figure that you’re not going to “find the promised land.”
Hello, Brother:
Our dear sister in Christ, Debbie, has mentioned Broken Believers is looking for a contributor to post an Essay once a week.
I do read your blog all the time, and have even subscribed, and if the possibility of making a contribution is still open, I would very much like to offer my service to Christ in this way.
As you may already know, I struggle with depression and have struggled with suicide in the past. And I would very much like to share my struggles on Broken Believers.
I sincerely appreciate what you are doing for Jesus.
Please send me an e-mail at your convenience. I certainly hope to make a contribution to your ministry, if God is willing.
God bless you, Brother.
Please, do what you can do. I will wait for your reply, eagerly.
It is finished.
Can’t hardly wait!