In recent weeks I’ve gone through a time of profound confusion. My grip on reality has been tenuous at best. I’ve had a struggle with a depersonalizing sense, I seem not to “see” reality as I used to. Everything seems increasingly odd, and disjointed. I see myself outside myself.
I have had bouts with this before. And yet every time the Father has “fathered” me. I have been led through each bout. In many ways, the clinical depression has changed, now it slams. It used to be kind of low grade, a steady and tedious despair. Now its more like a black lightning bolt.
I have had suicidal urges and thinking. I hate handling a kitchen knife, as I get the urge to plunge it into my chest. It’s funny like that, I call out to Jesus and He truly does find me.
This blog initially started off in Sept. 2009 with the idea of broken believers. My hearts desire was to be transparent and very honest. I still want to see this happen. I am no “super saint” with the right answer for everyone. If I made this impression, please forgive me.
I am the broken believer.