“Must I then, indeed, Pain, live with you
All through my life? –sharing my fire, my bed,
Sharing–oh, worst of things!–the same head?–
And, when I feed myself, feeding you, too?”
Edna St. Vincent Millay
The critical issue we face is the reality of living with ourselves through an acute episode of depression or mania. I think that co-habitating with something that is trying its damndest to kill you is especially degrading. Depression is my mortal enemy, and here I am making provision for it. How frustrating!
In a way it is sinister, the stuff of scary movies and bad novels. The parasite is making its residence in the body of its host. It sounds like something from Star Trek. I know how strange it sounds, but we have been bonded to melancholy. It is in essence, part of our personality. We instinctively carry a dark despair and a savage despondancy.
When it slumbers, life can proceed on. I can play with my kids, be a good husband, friend and neighbor. Everything seems quiet and normal. But when the dragon awakes, there will be hell to pay. But exactly when, you can never be too sure.
My wife and kids lived in Mexico for almost three years. We had a trailer, and part of that time we parked on the slanted slopes of a volcano. Trust me on this, living on it was like living on a bomb! I reasoned and rationalized, but each day I spent time thinking about it. It wasn’t a big deal, but it worked its way into my thinking.
I for one am glad that God decided to intervene in my life. Without question, I need Him to watch me and deliver me. As a believer in Jesus, I know he has put his hands on me. He shields me from the dragon. I believe that he protects me from the worst of it. The Holy Spirit absorbs much of the venom. I am glad I belong to Him! I’m thrilled that He loves me.
- Climbing up out of the miry pit of depression (overcominganything.wordpress.com)
- Favourite Poems LVIII: And You as Well Must Die, Belovèd Dust | Edna St. Vincent Millay (torontoemerg.wordpress.com)