OCD- Rituals and Obsession

“I couldn’t do anything without rituals. They invaded every aspect of my life. Counting really bogged me down. I would wash my hair three times as opposed to once because three was a good luck number and one wasn’t. It took me longer to read because I’d count the lines in a paragraph. When I set my alarm at night, I had to set it to a number that wouldn’t add up to a ’bad’ number.”

“I knew the rituals didn’t make sense, and I was deeply ashamed of them, but I couldn’t seem to overcome them until I had therapy.”

“Getting dressed in the morning was tough, because I had a routine, and if I didn’t follow the routine, I’d get anxious and would have to get dressed again. I always worried that if I didn’t do something, my parents were going to die. I’d have these terrible thoughts of harming my parents. That was completely irrational, but the thoughts triggered more anxiety and more senseless behavior. Because of the time I spent on rituals, I was unable to do a lot of things that were important to me.”

People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) have persistent, upsetting thoughts (obsessions) and use rituals (compulsions) to control the anxiety these thoughts produce. Most of the time, the rituals end up controlling them.

For example, if people are obsessed with germs or dirt, they may develop a compulsion to wash their hands over and over again. If they develop an obsession with intruders, they may lock and relock their doors many times before going to bed. Being afraid of social embarrassment may prompt people with OCD to comb their hair compulsively in front of a mirror-sometimes they get “caught” in the mirror and can’t move away from it. Performing such rituals is not pleasurable. At best, it produces temporary relief from the anxiety created by obsessive thoughts.

Other common rituals are a need to repeatedly check things, touch things (especially in a particular sequence), or count things. Some common obsessions include having frequent thoughts of violence and harming loved ones, persistently thinking about performing sexual acts the person dislikes, or having thoughts that are prohibited by religious beliefs. People with OCD may also be preoccupied with order and symmetry, have difficulty throwing things out (so they accumulate), or hoard unneeded items.

Healthy people also have rituals, such as checking to see if the stove is off several times before leaving the house. The difference is that people with OCD perform their rituals even though doing so interferes with daily life and they find the repetition distressing. Although most adults with OCD recognize that what they are doing is senseless, some adults and most children may not realize that their behavior is out of the ordinary.

OCD affects about 2.2 million American adults, and the problem can be accompanied by eating disorders, other anxiety disorders, or depression.  It strikes men and women in roughly equal numbers and usually appears in childhood, adolescence, or early adulthood. One-third of adults with OCD develop symptoms as children, and research indicates that OCD might run in families.

The course of the disease is quite varied. Symptoms may come and go, ease over time, or get worse. If OCD becomes severe, it can keep a person from working or carrying out normal responsibilities at home. People with OCD may try to help themselves by avoiding situations that trigger their obsessions, or they may use alcohol or drugs to calm themselves.

OCD usually responds well to treatment with certain medications and/or exposure-based psychotherapy, in which people face situations that cause fear or anxiety and become less sensitive (desensitized) to them.

Source: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

Poetry of the Broken

Last Saturday I purchased a wonderful find at Powell’s Books (Portland, Oregon’s own homegrown new and used bookstore) – a used book called “Invisible Light: Poems about God” – for only $4.50. And it is in excellent condition. It is a collection of poems by various poets, some well known and some not so well known, as well as a few Psalms and other pieces of poetic scripture. I noticed in the table of contents that there were two poems by William Cowper, who I first heard of when reading “When the Darkness Will Not Lift” by John Piper. (See my book review of that book here).

Both of Cowper’s poems were so beautiful; made me wonder why I even try to write poetry. (But I do know my poetry is getting better, and reading poems like Cowper’s just makes me want to learn more about poetry and get better at writing it).

I want to share one of Cowper’s poems with the readers at Broken Believers. I do so because it is a great reminder that even when we think we are too lost and broken to be of any use to God, even then God can do the impossible. He can take a broken vessel and cause great light and wonder pour from its cracks. I am thankful for the poetry Cowper wrote, and for the witness that he provides of the truth that God uses the broken for astonishing things.

You see, Cowper suffered from recurrent bouts of depression and severe mental illness. At times he was convinced that he was damned for all eternity, that he was a lost soul. Nonetheless, he was able to write some truly inspiring poetry and hymns to glorify God. This particular poem will cause the “Comfortless, broken, afflicted” to delight in the joy of a life to come where all pain and sorrow will cease, and the glory of Jesus will be all we need.

If you are struggling, feeling like you can never be of any use to God, take heart. God is in the business of using His power and wisdom in tandem with the broken believer to accomplish great things.

The Future Peace and Glory of the Church
by William Cowper

Hear what the Lord hath spoken:-
O my people, faint and few;
Comfortless, afflicted, broken,
Fair abodes I build for you:
Thorns of heart-felt tribulation
Shall no more perplex your ways;
You shall name your walls, Salvation,
And your gates shall all be Praise.
There, like streams that feed the garden,
Pleasures, without end, shall flow;
For the LORD, your faith rewarding,
All his bounty shall bestow:
Still in undisturb’d possession,
Peace and righteousness shall reign;
Never shall you feel oppression,
Hear the voice of war again.
You no more your suns descending,
Waning moons no more shall see;
But, your griefs for ever ending,
Find eternal noon in me:
God shall rise, and shining o’er ye,
Change to day the gloom of night;
He, the LORD, shall be your glory,
God, your everlasting light.

Hymn No. 10 of The Olney Hymns

You can find Linda’s own blog at http://lindakruschke.wordpress.com/

The Corrosiveness of Social Anxiety

Everyone is looking at you

“In any social situation, I felt fear. I would be anxious before I even left the house, and it would escalate as I got closer to a college class, a party, or whatever. I would feel sick in my stomach-it almost felt like I had the flu. My heart would pound, my palms would get sweaty, and I would get this feeling of being removed from myself and from everybody else.”

“When I would walk into a room full of people, I’d turn red and it would feel like everybody’s eyes were on me. I was embarrassed to stand off in a corner by myself, but I couldn’t think of anything to say to anybody. It was humiliating. I felt so clumsy, I couldn’t wait to get out.”

Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, is diagnosed when people become overwhelmingly anxious and excessively self-conscious in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have an intense, persistent, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of doing things that will embarrass them. They can worry for days or weeks before a dreaded situation. This fear may become so severe that it interferes with work, school, and other ordinary activities, and can make it hard to make and keep friends.

While many people with social phobia realize that their fears about being with people are excessive or unreasonable, they are unable to overcome them. Even if they manage to confront their fears and be around others, they are usually very anxious beforehand, are intensely uncomfortable throughout the encounter, and worry about how they were judged for hours afterward.

Social phobia can be limited to one situation (such as talking to people, eating or drinking, or writing on a blackboard in front of others) or may be so broad (such as in generalized social phobia) that the person experiences anxiety around almost anyone other than the family.

Continue reading

God Keeps Your Tears in a Bottle

I have cried many tears in my life. If you have never cried, you can stop reading right now. But if you have shed tears for yourself or for others, or if like me you have shed some without even knowing why or where they came from, take heart. God knows the tears you have shed. Psalm 56:8 says so. Here are several translations of that wonderful verse:

Record my lament;
       list my tears on your scroll —
       are they not in your record? (NIV)

You have taken account of my wanderings;
         Put my tears in Your bottle
         Are they not in Your book? (NASB)

You keep track of all my sorrows.
      You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
      You have recorded each one in your book. (NLT)

Write down my poem of sadness.
      List my tears on your scroll.
      Aren’t you making a record of them? (NIRV)

I love the image of God keeping all my tears in a bottle. I can envision shelves filled with bottles in Heaven, each with a name on it, and an accompanying scroll documenting every tear and lament. Or maybe it is just one huge bottle with all of our tears mingled together.

Today tears are being shed in dark rooms where children are being held as sex slaves, in Africa as people remain homeless and without food and water, in the United States as many remain jobless, in hospitals and on the streets where the mentally ill are forgotten, in homes around the world where people are spiritually lost and have no hope.

We live in a fallen world. Tragedies happen and humans are not always kind to one another. And so tears are shed. It is hard to fathom God collecting every single one, but He does. He notices and He records each tear and each lament.

The more I think about it, I like the idea that God has mingled all our tears together. The Psalm does refer to God’s “bottle” in the singular. And if He has collected every tear in that bottle, then mingled with our own are the tears of Jesus. In John 11, the apostle records this event: “Jesus wept.” John 11:35.

In this passage, Jesus weeps when He learns of the death of Lazarus. When they see Him weeping, the people say “See how he loved him!” John 11:36. But I don’t think Jesus was weeping because Lazarus was dead – He knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. Rather, I think He wept because of the compassion He felt for humanity as we weep over our own tragedies and losses. It is us that He loved so much that it brought Him to tears.

So if you weep today, remember that God is collecting your tears in His bottle, and mixing them with the tears of our dear Savior. Not only that, but God will deliver you from the final trial that lead to tears by redeeming your soul.

For you, O LORD, have delivered 
   my soul from death,
   my eyes from tears,
   my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD
   in the land of the living.
Psalm 116:8-9 (NIV).

 

Linda’s blog is at http://lindakruschke.wordpress.com/ Please check out all she has to say.  Linda tells me that it is absolutely guaranteed to bless, or your money back!

Anxiety, the Common Coin of the Realm

“God the Father grant to me, All my daily needs.  Why should I not to Him flee, “When all the birds He feeds.”

Claudius

We wrestle with amazing issues, they oddly seem like certainties.  That is part of their strength.  Anxiety over our future, is a very difficult thing to separate from.  The dictionary has a simple definition,  “distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune. a state of uneasiness or tension caused by apprehension of possible future misfortune, danger, etc; worry.

We can define it in a sort of abstract form, but anxiety has a vicious bite.  I believe it is the most common enemy of our souls.  Maybe “pride” would be the most challenging?  However our anxiety affects our children, finances and our status in this world.  We are so edgy, and have been for so long that it seems very normal.

Quite expectedly, Wikipedia gives us this explanation.  “Worry is thoughts and images of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats.  As an emotion it is experienced as anxiety or concern about a real or imagined issue, usually personal issues such as health or finances or broader ones such as environmental pollution and social or technological change.”  Ok, well, a bit intense and perhaps a bit complicated.  But as I read it, the phrase, “an anticipation of evil things”  pops into my mind.

I guess there is an effort on our part to somehow equalize the pressure.  But typically it’s only enough to make us “humanly” passable, and acceptable to our dear ones.  But the truth is, we fear way too much.  Our anxiety over the future has a corrosive effect, it just eats us up.  We are like ships, who periodically come into port to have our hulls cleaned.  Somehow, if we decide to forego this, we will find that it diminishes us, and often drastically.

Anxiety is a weight that pulls us down: spiritually, and emotionally and even physically. It is worry that has gone viral in our thinking. We can think of nothing else.  There exists something that our psychologists call an “anxiety disorder.”  To be blunt, today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. Worry, doubt, fear and despair are the enemies which slowly bring us down to the ground and turn us to dust before we die. 

There is not much more I can say.  As we grow more and more anxious, we will drive a simple faith in Jesus away.  Simply put, worry, and the presence of Jesus can never truly agree.  They are on opposite sides of the spectrum.  One will rule, and the other won’t.

Corrie Ten Boom dealt specifically with this, she shared this and it helps us to get adjusted, “Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength, carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

Worry needs to be taken as if it were very dangerous.  Lust, pride and apostasy are certainly thought of as dark, and evil. But worry has to rank up there.  Our anxiety is a declaration of God’s unfaithfulness.  It is a “neon sign” that blinks out His perceived negligence and His ineptitude.

Please dear one, shake off this deep deceit.  Renounce your worry, your anxiety.  The One who feeds the sparrows, couldn’t forget you.  You are His, by blood.  He has gone far beyond the extra mile to obtain you to be His own.

“Don’t fear, little flock, because your Father wants to give you the kingdom. “

Luke 12:32, NCV

 

Your Anxiety Understood

Common anxiety symptoms include:

Body (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the body in general):

  • Allergy problems, increase in allergies (number, sensitivity, reactions, lengthier reactions)
    Back pain, stiffness, tension, pressure, soreness, spasms, immobility in the back or back muscles
  • Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin)
  • Blushing, turning red, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin
  • Body jolts, body zaps, electric jolt feeling in body, intense body tremor or “body shake”
  • Body temperature increase or decrease, change in body temperature
  • Burning skin, itchy, “crawly,” prickly or other skin sensations, skin sensitivity, numbness on the skin
  • Burning skin sensation on the face, neck, ears, scalp, or shoulders
  • Chest pain, chest tightness
  • Choking
  • Chronic Fatigue, exhaustion, super tired, worn out
  • Clumsiness, feeling clumsy, co-ordination problems with the limbs or body
  • Cold chills, feeling cold
  • Craving sugar, sweets, chocolate, usual craving for sugar and sweets
  • Difficulty speaking, moving mouth, talking, co-ordination problems with the mouth or tongue
  • Dizziness, feeling lightheaded
  • Dizzy, feeling dizzy
  • Electric shock feeling, body zaps
  • Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax
  • Falling sensation, feel like your are falling or dropping even though you aren’t
  • Feel like you are going to pass out or faint
  • Feeling cold or chilled
  • Feel wrong, different, foreign, odd, or strange
  • Flu-like symptoms, general malaise, feel ill, like you are coming down with a flu
  • Flushed face, red face, flushed skin
  • Head Zaps
  • Heart palpitations, racing heart
  • Hyperactivity, excess energy, nervous energy
  • Increased or decreased sex drive
  • Infection – increased infections, persistent infection
  • Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
  • Muscles that vibrate, jitter, tremor, or shake when used
  • Muscle twitching
  • Nausea
  • Nausea, vomiting
  • Neck, back, shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
  • Night sweats, waking up in a sweat, profusely sweating at night
  • No energy, feeling lethargic, tired
  • Numbness
  • Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
  • Numbness and tingling, and other skin sensations on hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body
  • Persistent muscle tension, stiffness
  • Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
  • Pulsing or throbbing muscles. Pulsing or throbbing sensation.
  • Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage
  • Sexual Dysfunction, sexual uninterest
  • Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head or face
  • Shooting pains in the face
  • Shooting pains in the scalp or head
  • Skipped heart beats
  • Sore or tight scalp or back of the neck
  • Startle easily
  • Sweating, uncontrollable profuse sweating
  • The floor feels like it is moving either down or up for no reason
  • Tightness in the ribs or rib cage area, may also feel like a tight band around the ribs or rib cage area.
  • Tingling sensations, anywhere on the body, including the hands, feet, legs, arms, head, mouth, chest, groin area
  • Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
  • TMJ
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Twitching
  • Unsteadiness, dizziness, feeling dizzy or lightheaded
  • Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom (similar to urinary tract or prostate infection symptoms)
  • Warm spells
  • Weak – feel weak, weakness, low energy, light, soft, like you may faint
  • Weak legs, arms, or muscles
  • Weight loss, weight gain

Chest (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the chest area):

  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Concern about the heart
  • Feel like you have to force yourself to breath
  • Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
  • Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
  • Heart Palpitations – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat
  • Heart – Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough
  • Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
  • Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage
  • Emotions (see mood) (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with emotions, mood, and feelings)

Fears (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with fear):

  • A heightened fear of what people think of you
  • Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits
  • Constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
  • Fear of being in public
  • Fear of dying
  • Fear of losing control
  • Fear of impending doom
  • Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others
  • Fear of passing out
  • Fear that you are losing your mind
  • Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations
  • Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings
  • Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness
  • Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable
  • Need to seat near exits

Head (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the head):

  • Burning, itchy, tight scalp
  • Dizziness
  • Dizzy
  • Dizziness or light-headedness
  • Frequent headaches, migraine headaches
  • Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness
  • Head, neck or shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
  • Head zaps, head tremors
  • Giddiness
  • Numbness
  • Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
  • Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head, or face
  • Shooting pains in the face
  • Shooting pains in the scalp or head
  • When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards
  • Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache
  • TMJ (Temporo-Mandibular Joint) – clenching of the jaw or grinding of the teeth

Hearing/Ear(s) (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with hearing):

  • Feel like there is something stuck in your ear, that your ear canal it plugged or blocked, that there is a pebble in your ear that you can’t get out
  • Low rumbling sounds
  • Reduced hearing, frequent or intermittent reduced hearing or deafness in one or both ears
  • Ringing in the ears, noises in the ears, noises in the head
  • Pulsing in the ears, throbbing sound in the ear(s)

Mind (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the mind and thinking):

  • Afraid of everything
  • Altered state of reality, consciousness, or universe feeling
  • Deja Vu, a feeling like you’ve done or experienced something before
  • Depersonalization
  • Derealization
  • Desensitization
  • Difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss
  • Difficulty thinking, speaking, forming thoughts, following conversations
  • Disorientation
  • Fear of going crazy
  • Fear of losing control
  • Fear of impending doom
  • Feelings of unreality
  • Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do
  • Having difficulty concentrating
  • Nightmares, bad dreams
  • Obsession about sensations or getting better
  • Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’
  • Short-term learning impairment, have a hard time learning new information
  • Short-term memory impairment, can’t remember what I did a few days, hours, or moments ago
  • Spaced out feelings, feeling spaced out
  • “Stuck” thoughts; thoughts, mental images, concepts, songs, or melodies that “stick” in your mind and replay over and over again.
  • Trapped in your mind feeling
  • Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
  • You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders

Mood / Emotions (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with mood, emotions, and feelings):

  • Always feeling angry and lack of patience
  • Depersonalization
  • Depression
  • Dramatic mood swings (emotional flipping)
  • Emotionally blunted, flat, or numb
  • Emotional “flipping” (dramatic mood swings)
  • Emotions feel wrong
  • Everything is scary, frightening
  • Feeling down in the dumps
  • Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
  • Frequently being on edge or ‘grouchy’
  • Feel like crying for no apparent reason
  • Have no feelings about things you used to
  • Not feeling like yourself, detached from loved ones, emotionally numb
  • Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
  • You feel like you are under pressure all the time

Mouth/Stomach (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the mouth and stomach):

  • A ‘tinny’, ‘metallic’ or ‘ammonia’, or unusual smell or taste
  • Aerophagia (swallowing too much air, stomach distention, belching)
  • Burning mouth, feeling like the inside of your mouth is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these together or at different times
  • Burning tongue, feeling like your tongue is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these, or all of these together or at different times
  • Choking
  • Constant craving for sugar or sweets
  • Constipation
  • Diarrhea
  • Difficulty swallowing
  • Difficulty talking, pronouncing certain letters or sounds, mouth feels like it isn’t moving right, slurred speech
  • Dry mouth
  • Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat
  • Feeling like your tongue is swollen
  • Lack of appetite or taste
  • Lump in the throat, tight throat, something stuck in your throat
  • Mouth muscles twitching/jumping
  • Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
  • Nausea
  • Nausea vomiting
  • Nausea or abdominal stress
  • Numbness
  • Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
  • Stomach upset, gas, belching, bloating
  • Teeth grinding
  • The thought of eating makes you nauseous
  • Tight throat, lump in throat
  • Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
  • TMJ
  • Tongue symptoms – Tingly, “stretched,” numb, frozen, itchy, “crawly,” burning, twitching, “jumpy,” aching, sore, or swollen tongue (when it isn’t).
  • Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom
  • Vomiting

Skin (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the skin):

  • Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
  • Numbness
  • Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
  • Skin problems, infections, rashes

Sleep (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with sleep):

  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
  • Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
  • Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
  • Jolting awake
  • Waking up in a panic attack
  • You feel worse in the mornings

Sight (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with sight):

  • Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision
  • Dry, watery or itchy eyes
  • Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes
  • Eyes sensitive to light
  • Spots in the vision
  • Flashing lights when eyes are closed
  • Your depth perception feels wrong

Touch (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with touch):

  • Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
  • Feeling cold or chilled
  • Numbness
  • Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
  • Pain
  • Tingling, pins and needles feelings

Other anxiety symptoms are described as:

Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.

In addition to these anxiety symptoms, you may also find yourself worrying compulsively about:

• Having a heart attack • Having a serious undetected illness • Dying prematurely • Going insane or losing your mind • Suddenly snapping • Losing it • Uncontrollably harming yourself or someone you love • Losing control of your thoughts and actions • Being embarrassed or making a fool out of yourself • Losing control • Fainting in public • Not breathing properly • Losing control of reality • Choking or suffocating • Being alone

These are some of the more common anxiety symptoms. This list isn’t exhaustive.

This information can also be found at: http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml

Good Teaching by CBN on Overcoming Anxiety http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/teachingsheets/keys-Overcoming_Anxiety_Worry_and_Tension.aspx

 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28, ESV