The Man Called Cash

My favorite musical artist of all time is Johnny Cash. You will find frequent mention of him on my blog, Linda Kruschke’s Blog.

There are only a handful of his songs that I don’t like. Of course, I love all the gospel music he recorded. But I also love everything from Cry, Cry, Cry to Cocaine to T for Texas to Hung My Head to his rendition of Nine Inch Nails’ Hurt and Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus. His music covers the whole spectrum of real human existence. Many of his songs bring tears to my eyes every time I hear them.

But as great as his music is, the reason I love Johnny Cash has just as much to do with his life and his witness to the grace and redemptive power of Christ. I have read two of his biographies and several essays about him in a book of collected essays. I also have a graphic novel about his life that I recently purchased (though I haven’t read it yet), and have read the introduction to his novel The Man in White. He lived a fascinating and tumultuous life.

For anyone interested in the life of a legend who is nonetheless an incredibly “real” person with struggles and trials just like the rest of us, I recommend The Man Called Cash: The Life, Love, and Faith of an American Legend by Steve Turner. This book is a meticulously researched and well-written account from which even those who knew Johnny well would likely learn something about him that they didn’t know before. Starting almost at the end, with the death of June Carter, and then winding his way through the early years, the middle years, and everything in between, Turner reveals a man who knew God as only a sinner can.

This book includes two awesome sections of black and white photos from Johnny’s life, as well as the unedited text of an interview Turner conducted with Johnny in 1988, a chronology of June and Johnny’s lives, a complete discography, and an index. But these are all just icing on the cake of a story that will bring tears to your eyes and a smile to your heart.

One of my favorite stories of redemption is about the time Johnny crawled into Nickajack Cave, thirty miles from Chattanooga, with the plan to never come out.

He believed that if he crawled in far enough, he’d be unable to find his way out. When he starved to death it would look like a tragic accident.”

In 1995 he [Johnny] told the writer Nick Tosches:

“It just felt like I was at the end of the line. I was down there by myself and I got to feelin’ that I’d taken so many pills that I’d done it, that I was gonna blow up or something. I hadn’t eaten in days, I hadn’t slept in days, and my mind wasn’t workin’ too good anyway. I couldn’t stand myself anymore. I wanted to get away from me. And if that meant dyin’, then okay, I’m ready. I just had to get away from myself. I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I didn’t think there was any other way. I took a flashlight with me, and I said, I’m goin’ to walk and crawl and climb into this cave until the light goes out, and then I’m gonna lie down. So I crawled in there with that flashlight until it burned out and I lay down to die. I was a mile in that cave. At least a mile. But I felt this great comfortin’ presence sayin’, “No, you’re not dyin’.” I got things for you to do. So I got up, found my way out. Cliffs, ledges, drop-offs. I don’t know how I got out, ‘cept God got me out.

Turner, pg. 119.

And God did have things for Johnny to do. He had to show the world how even someone as strung out on drugs as he was could be redeemed by the grace of God. He had to show that despite our faults and weaknesses – or maybe because of them – God loves each and every one of us. He may have been a music legend, but he was never afraid to use his talent to glorify God and to share the gospel. His was a life of redemption and grace well worth reading about. If you think your life isn’t worth living or that God can’t possibly love you or redeem you, read about the life of one who was chief among sinners but who was saved by grace.

As a bonus to go along with this book review of his biography I want to share this video of the song “Singer of Songs” by Johnny Cash. It is a great synopsis of the purpose God had for his life and how he fulfilled it. He truly was a singer of songs about life, love, death, birth, God, and more. I suspect he’s still singing today at the throne of the King.

Hurt by Johnny Cash (nosowildchild.wordpress.com)
Spirituality of Johnny Cash (kameronlombard.wordpress.com)

Mar 4 2011

Mental Hospital Blues

I must tell the truth. I have been in a hospital for my mental illness. Actually several times. And each time was bitter, but I learned something. They would take me of shoelaces, and belts, and fingernail clippers. Basically, I was stripped of everything, anything that I might use to harm myself. But I was creative, and took the clock off the wall of my room. I rolled it in a blanket, I smashed it and used the shards of glass to cut my wrists.

The nurses were exceptionally observant, and within moments they intervened. I had already been stripped, deloused and than brought into a ward of very sick people. Much of all of this is a terrible glazed blur. There was a real awareness of unreality. I was quite confused, and it would take weeks before I could reconnect. Things no longer were no longer ‘reasonable’ and I could discern nothing. But I didn’t know I was so confused. The staff were quite aware and accommodating. They let me be, so time could take care of the rest. And Jesus knew exactly where I was.

Days rolled by, quite slowly. The tedium of a mental hospital is the worst, much more difficult than jail or prison. You walk in a very limited corridor, back and forth. You wait for your psychiatrist, and wait, and wait. You pace and pace. You pray, stupidly. The other patients were equally disturbed. There was a great diversity among them. One guy would urinate in any corner. Once he jumped up on the nurses station, and let it rip. He almost “shorted” out their computer. Another would “rock” back and forth rhythmically for hours, bending over and over. He had “abs” that would be the envy of many.

In all of this, there was a very bleak and strange awareness, of being incredibly detached, and only remotely aware that something was not right with me. I tried to get well, but I was mentally lost. I paced, and I remained confused. I was most definitely in an ugly place. Desperate and considerably addled, I had no place to go. A fine place for a pastor.

If you have been in this place, you will recognize the lostness of being on a ward of a mental hospital. It is confusion mixed with despair, with a part of very strong drugs, and there is nothing you can do to be released. And really, until you come to this acceptance, they will never let you go. They wait for you to snap out of your confusion, unfortunately that takes time.

It’s worse when you have a family. In my case it was my wife, and two small children. This at times, would twist my heart. I would get a very short phone call, once a week. But this was quite difficult. I gained very little from those calls, I found myself quite disturbed. Being in this life tinged me completely. I was dipped into darkness. I was very much affected. Now from the outside, I admit I was quite disturbed, and that knowledge only compounded, but I honestly did not understand a way out.

Dear friend, having a mental illness is cruel and disturbing. Being committed to a mental hospital is a desperate thing. Having passed through its locked doors is deeply disconcerting. The way I figure these several hospitalizations have taken over six months of my life. When you see this, it will touch you in the deepest place of your heart, like nothing else can. Its work is irrevocable, its fingerprints will be on your life, for as long as you live. God has given me these “commitments,” each one, each day.

Jan 27 2011

Someday, We Will Wear White

Rob't Murray McCheyne, 1813-1843

by Robert Murray McCheyne

As long as you live in your mortal body, you will be faulty in yourself. It is a soul-ruining error to believe anything else. Oh, if ye would be wise, be often looking beneath the robe of the Redeemer’s righteousness to see your own deformity. It will make you keep faster hold of his robe, and keep you washing in the fountain.

Now, when Christ brings you before the throne of God, he will clothe you with his own fine linen, and present you faultless. O it is sweet to me to think how soon you shall be the righteousness of God in him. What a glorious righteousness that can stand the light, of God’s face! Sometimes a garment appears white in dim light: when you bring it into the sunshine you see the spots. O prize, then the Divine righteousness, which is your covering.

My heart sometimes sickens when I think upon the defects of believers; when I think of one Christian being fond of company, another vain, another given to evil speaking. O aim to be holy Christians, bright, shining Christians. The heaven is more adorned by the large bright constellations than by many insignificant stars; so God may be more glorified by fine bright Christian than by many indifferent ones. Aim at being that one.

We shall be faultless. He that begun will perform it. We shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. When you lay down this body, you may say, Farewell lust for ever, farewell my hateful pride, farewell hateful selfishness, farewell strife and envying, farewell being ashamed of Christ. O this makes death sweet indeed. Let’s long to depart and to be with Christ.

………………………………………………………….

For more from this preacher, you may want to start with these links:

http://www.wholesomewords.org/biography/bmcheyne3.html

http://dowboy.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/robert-murray-mccheyne/

Jul 23 2010

There is a Crack in Everything

“Ring the bells that still can ring/Forget your perfect offering/There is a crack in everything/That’s how the light gets in.” –Leonard Cohen, Anthem

A crack in everything. As someone who has experienced brokenness in my life, I appreciate the wisdom of these simple words. You see, I am intensely aware of being different then others. I had a night job working my way through school frying donuts. I remember clearly an incident were I overheard my boss telling someone that, “Bryan is one of the most eccentric people I have ever met.” Now I honestly was not trying to be odd, or eccentric. To put this in perspective, I just happened to be taking N.T. Greek at the time and knew that the word for eccentric was a contraction, (of ek, meaning “off, or off to one side, and “centros”, meaning, “center”). He was saying that I was “off centered”. That really troubled me because I always felt like I was a very stable, and very much a well-balanced person. But I was 22. I guess that alone explains much.

Cohen’s poem tells us certain things. First, he describes bells that can’t be used, they don’t work anymore. Second, he tells us of our need to get real and to understand that “a perfect offering” is beyond our capabilty. Maybe 20 years ago, naive idealism would’ve carried the day for us. But approaching 50, we have figured out a thing or two. By then we see the cracks in everything, nothing has gone by untouched.

But the poet delivers a paradoxal truth, he states, “thats how the light gets in.” To learn this deeply, is to turbocharge your recovery. However it takes your recognition of this reality that you’re a broken person. Furthermore, it also summons up a discernment of how we grow spiritually. I find it quite entertaining that the broken, weak, and the burned-out are closer to the Kingdom then the strong, the sure and the gifted. This is a rich and an incredible truth, we are to see our brokenness and ruination in a whole different perspective. We must see that that is how the light gets in.

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of God.” `St. Matthew 5:3

Feb 22 2010

Moonlight’s Moment

Archibald Wright “Moonlight” Graham (November 10 1879 – August 25 1965) was an American professional baseball player who appeared as a right fielder in a single major league game for the New York Giants on June 29, 1905.

His story was popularized by “Shoeless Joe,” a novel by W. P. Kinsella, and the subsequent 1989 film, ”Field of Dreams.”

On June 29, the Giants were the visiting team against Brooklyn. For the bottom of the eighth inning, Graham was sent in to play right field, replacing George Browne. In the top of the ninth inning, Graham was on deck (scheduled to be the next batter) when his teammate Claude Elliott flied out resulting in the third and final out. Graham played the bottom of the ninth in right field but never came to bat, and that game turned out to be his only appearance in the major leagues.

“Moonlight” Graham got his nickname because the sum total of his career was that fleeting moment, which passed by too quickly. Technically, I guess he played one game at MLB level, But he never had the chance to bat and never even touched the ball. He never again played in the Majors, but since he show up on umpire’s batting order list, he played MLB.

How incredibly sad. I pulled out my baseball encyclopedia to verify his career and he is there. He had his moment in the moonlight, it passed and left him with no compassion or mercy. He has been forever marked in Baseball as someone “who might have been”.

Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham, went to college and became a physician. In the movie “Field of Dreams, Graham (Burt Lancaster) says this. “You know we just don’t recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they’re happening. Back then I thought, well, there’ll be other days. I didn’t realize that that was the only day.”

For some reason we think somehow we have arrived and it will always be this way. But the only sure thing, the one solid definite, is the love of God for our souls. That is the only thing that will stay with us. Our circumstances are always changing. But we need to be faithful in the moment. I think “Moonlight” Graham would agree.

Here’s a link worth following: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05176/528257.stm

Feb 3 2010

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, A Saint for Today

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945) is known for his leadership role in the Confessing Church, efforts on behalf of peace and justice, opposition to antisemitism, and writings on theology and ethics that have been influential far beyond his German Lutheran context. He was was hanged by the Nazis on April 6, 1945 in the Flossenburg concentration camp.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer quotations:

In normal life we hardly realize how much more we receive than we give; life can be rich only with such realization. source: Letters and Papers from Prison

To be silent does not mean to be inactive; rather it means to breathe in the will of God, to listen attentively and be ready to obey. Meditating on the Word

It is not necessary that we should discover new ideas in our meditation. It is sufficient, and far more important, if the Word, as we read and understand it, penetrates and dwells within us. Life Together

When we come to a clearer and more sober estimate of our own limitations and responsibilities, that makes it possible more genuinely to love our neighbor. Letters and Papers…

There is not a place to which the Christian can withdraw from the world, whether it be outwardly or in the sphere of the inner life. Any attempt to escape from the world must sooner or later be paid for with a sinful surrender to the world. Ethics

You have granted me many blessings; let me also accept what is hard from your hand. Prayers from Prison

The first call which every Christian experiences is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. The Cost of Discipleship

Earthly possessions dazzle our eyes and delude us into thinking that they can provide security and freedom from anxiety. Yet all the time they are the very source of anxiety. The Cost of Discipleship

The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists of listening to them. Just as love of God begins with listening to his word, so the beginning of love for our brothers and sisters is learning to listen to them. Life Together

From God we hear the word: “If you want my goodness to stay with you then serve your neighbor, for that is where God comes to you.” In the anthology, No Rusty Swords

Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others, we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as ourselves. The Cost of Discipleship

I can no longer condemn or hate a brother [or sister] for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me is transformed through intercession into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died. Life Together

We have learned a bit too late in the day that action springs not from thought but from a readiness for responsibility. Letters and Papers from Prison

Which of us has really admitted that God’s goodness can also lead us into conflict. In the Anthology, No Rusty Swords

Our enemies are those who harbor hostility against us, not those against whom we cherish hostility… As a Christian I am called to treat my enemy as a brother and to meet hostility with love. My behavior is thus determined not by the way others treat me, but by the treatment I receive from Jesus. The Cost of Discipleship

So long as we eat our bread together, we shall have sufficient even for the least. Not until one person desires to keep his own bread for himself does hunger ensue. Life Together

In a world where success is the measure and justification of all things, the figure of him who was sentenced and crucified remains a stranger. Ethics

A Prayer written by Bonhoeffer

In me there is darkness,

but with you there is light;

I am lonely, but you do not leave me;

I am feeble in heart; but with you there is help;

I am restless, but with you is peace.

In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;

I do not understand your ways,

but you know the way for me.

Amen.