Against the Cosmic Powers

Perfectly safe.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places”.

Ephesians 6:12, ESV

Satan attacks us in two distinct ways.

First, he stirs up our desires and inflames our appetites for sin. He is very good at this.

Second, he accuses us of committing an evil against God. Scripture identifies him as “the accuser of the brethren.” He condemns us as perverse, rebellious, seditious and evil. “See what an evil wretch you are, your heart is small, black and hard.”

But the believer will run to the cross, and hold on. He will hear the blood of Jesus cry out for his soul. In this simple act of obedience and faith, he allows Jesus Christ to deliver him/her from darkness. There is absolutely nothing to be done except this, and this is enough.

I cannot fight this dark battle in and of myself. I have neither the armament nor the understanding to take on “cosmic powers”. I must become broken, and weak, and then the Spirit will shelter me. Being manic depressive can actually be of help. I know my own weakness, and it lays me at the feet of my Lord, with no pretenses of strength.

Romans 8:31-32, The Message reads like this,

“So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen?”

It is the nerds dream, of being absolutely protected from his tormentors by someone with superpowers. And scripture makes it clear that this is not far from the truth. God defends us not just because he loves us, he protects us because his reputation is on the line.

“Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture“ (verses 33-34, the Message)

Oh struggling saint, you cannot battle alone. Apart from him, you can do nothing. Spiritually, cover yourself with the righteousness of Jesus. Do not venture out against these dark forces, when you have the love of One who cannot fail.

Satan and temptation (wordsofgrace.wordpress.com)
The Armor of God (paukhtrask.wordpress.com)

Jan 12 2012

Give Us This Day, Our Daily Meds

My particular issue is with Bipolar 1, with psychotic features. I have social anxiety which factors in as well as weird delusions. The anxiety and delusions are pretty much one and the same. They are often the things that will touch other people, while the rest is less obtrusive and can be hidden.

I have a tendency to hatch mini-conspiracies almost daily. They can be really paranoid as I think the worse about people and life as it enfolds around me. Facebook with its social networking helps but it has also intensified my issues. I am very much a recluse, and only get out about twice a week.

Depression, which is part of the Bipolar, has been less of a factor just in the last few months. Suicide, that dark word, will deepen if the depression goes too long without lifting. My last bout was over New Year’s and the SI got really bad. I drew up plans and everything.

Being a believer gives me a reason to live. The Holy Spirit is so patient with me. His companionship is far more helpful than any anti-depressant. He doesn’t require that I become symptom free to fellowship with Him. Instead, He weaves with the materials He has, and my discipleship is really no different than another Christians.

Overall, in spite of a tumultuous and see-saw life, I find that life with Jesus (discipleship) is truly grand. He understands me, and is guiding me. He is the Shepherd who is good, and I am His sheep who needs kindness and forgiveness always. He bruises no reed, nor does He quench the smoking candle (Matthew 12:20).

One more thing. Having a mental illness has, I believe, made me more compassionate and tender toward others. When I meet a difficult person, I will be the last one to give up on him. Others will bail out, but I stick. I guess this can be a bad trait, but I can’t help it. I love people, esp. those who hurt.

Here’s a list of my daily meds. I hope this helps someone navigate the seas of psychiatry safely.

AM- Lithium, 600 mg/Zoloft 200mg/Seroquil 400 mg/Provigil 200mg

NOON-Seroquil 200 mg

PM-Lithium 600 mg/Seroquil 400 mg/Lunesta 3mg

The Lithium works mostly on mania, but does help depressive states. The Zoloft is an anti-depressant (similar to Paxil) The Provigil is for alertness, I have had issues with daytime sleepiness, esp. since my brain tumor. Finally the Lunesta is a sleeping pill. If I can help explain any of this, please let me know. I aim to please!

Art school and bipolar meds (ask.metafilter.com)
“Let There Be Zoloft!” (brokenbelievers.com)
Antidepressants used by 11 percent of Americans (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
Unhinged by the Anatomy of Mental Illness (psychologytoday.com)

Jan 8 2012

What Do I Need?

“The depressed don’t simply need to feel better. They need a Redeemer who says, “Take heart, my son, my daughter; what you really need has been supplied. Life no longer need be about your goodness, success, righteousness, or failure. I’ve given you something infinitely more valuable than good feelings: your sins are forgiven.”

Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

It really does come down to “needs” after all. I don’t need to feel better, and I don’t need a to take another Zoloft. Do I believe in drugs? Yes, most definitely. But when we talk about need (its really an emphatic word, it needs to be drawn out) I have discovered I really have very few needs.

I’ll tell you what I need. I need to follow Jesus with my cross. I need to pray and worship in His presence. I need to love my wife and children. I need to love my neighbor. I need the Word, both rhema and logos. I need a good pastor, and I need to fellowship with other believers.

Its good to go through this sifting process. I do not need to feel happy, healthy, wealthy, content, strong, moral or helpful. I do need God however. Yes, I am “mentally” ill. I do take meds to keep me from burning down our house and shooting our dog. I’ve been listening to music in my head that others can’t hear. I see things, astonishing things. I have to deal with paranoid feelings that would rock your boat.

But, what do I need? I need God. I need his love. I need to know all my sins are forgiven. I need to know that I will be with him forever and ever. I guess the challenge is now yours, sort out these issues. It doesn’t matter what flavor of mental illness you have. You need Him. Everything else is froth.

Jan 6 2012

Out of the Blue: The Remarkable Role of the Caregiver

~Dedicated to my lovely wife Lynn, who cares for me so well~

How can I help a friend or relative who has bipolar disorder?

If you know someone who has bipolar disorder, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do is help him or her get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make the appointment and go with him or her to see the doctor. Encourage your loved one to stay in treatment.

Your touch can make a big difference

To help a friend or relative, you can:

Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement
Learn about bipolar disorder so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing
Talk to your friend or relative and listen carefully
Listen to feelings your friend or relative expresses-be understanding about situations that may trigger bipolar symptoms
Invite your friend or relative out for positive distractions, such as walks, outings, and other activities
Remind your friend or relative that, with time and treatment, he or she can get better.

Never ignore comments about your friend or relative harming himself or herself. Always report such comments to his or her therapist or doctor.

Support for caregivers

Like other serious illnesses, bipolar disorder can be difficult for spouses, family members, friends, and other caregivers. Relatives and friends often have to cope with the person’s serious behavioral problems, such as wild spending sprees during mania, extreme withdrawal during depression, poor work or school performance. These behaviors can have lasting consequences.

Caregivers usually take care of the medical needs of their loved ones. The caregivers have to deal with how this affects their own health. The stress that caregivers are under may lead to missed work or lost free time, strained relationships with people who may not understand the situation, and physical and mental exhaustion.

Stress from caregiving can make it hard to cope with a loved one’s bipolar symptoms. One study shows that if a caregiver is under a lot of stress, his or her loved one has more trouble following the treatment plan, which increases the chance for a major bipolar episode. It is important that people caring for those with bipolar disorder also take care of themselves.

Dec 16 2011

Hope in the Darkness

Winter can be a particularly trying time for those who struggle with depression and bipolar disorder. The increased darkness outside can begin to reflect in our hearts and so increase the darkness within.

I know Pr. Bryan has posted here before about the challenge of winters in Alaska where the days are extremely short. But even in the Pacific Northwest, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a big problem. When you drive to work in very little light and drive home again in pitch dark, which is even darker when it is raining, it is hard to remember the long days of summer.

It is during this dark season that we must cling even more to the Light of Christ so that the darkness does not overcome us. We must cling to the faithfulness of our God who brings the sun every morning and the seasons in their turn, so that we know spring and summer will follow the darkness.

Thinking about this one dark night earlier this week, I wrote a poem, which I posted on my blog, Linda Kruschke’s Blog, as a Thankful Thursday post. I hope you like my ode to God’s promise of hope and light that stands firm even in the darkness, and that it reminds you of the hope we have in Jesus.

Hope in the Darkness

Sun sinks below the horizon
Darkness envelopes all life in my view
Each night the darkness comes sooner
Each morning the sun arises anew

This season, winter, brings darkness
It seems to engulf the light of my soul
Sometimes the darkness is deeper
And blacker than the blackest mine of coal

But winter does not last forever
Spring and summer bring sun ever near
Hope of a Light everlasting
Is all that my darkened soul needs to hear

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:4-5 (NIV).

Darkness Hovers (brokenbelievers.com)
Praying Out the Dark (brokenbelievers.com)
Advent 3: Halfway Out Of The Darkness (wanderingmedic.wordpress.com)
A rose in the wintertime (nagoonberry.wordpress.com)

Nov 24 2011

Unwell

“Unwell” Lyrics, by Matchbox 20

Acoustic Live

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something, Hold on
Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

[Chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be…me

I’m talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I’ve lost my mind

[Chorus]

I’ve been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they’ll come to get me
Yeah, they’re taking me away

[Chorus]

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I’m just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I’m just a little unwell