Category Archives: prayer

Feb 7 2012

Broken Prayers From the Edge

I lock the doors.  Close the curtains.  And let God have it.

I clinch my fists in a maddening rage as my hands tremble violently.  Within moments, my fingers ache from the intense, white-knuckle tightness.  And my forearms cramp up.  The blood rushes to my head.  And my eyes burn and burn and burn from the tears.

I speak, then shout — and scream.

My voice becomes raspy as I rant.  And soon, my throat burns.  My heart is aflame with grief and rage, so much so that my ears can no longer understand the words coming out of my mouth.  Before it’s over, I will blow my nose several times and wipe my eyes often and much.

I am broken — and I am praying.

I start with the loss of my friend, JD, a man taken far, far too soon.  A man who left behind a wife and two children.  I tell God that I do not think it is fair for his children to grow up without a father.  And then, I ask God why He didn’t take me instead, that I want to be with my children, that I don’t have any here for me.

“All I do is suffer and I am sick to death of it!!!”

And then, I rant about all the believers — never the broken — who paint a picture of life with Christ as a portrait of perfection.  Their grandiose testimonies have made me feel like God has something against me, like grace is a joke for people like me because my life has been so hard.  My brokenness is not the result of one trial, nor one tragedy — but a lifetime of unbearable loss.

“And it just keeps happening!!!”

I rattle off the names of those I’ve lost in just the past five years:  Jerry, Britany, Virginia, Rob, Terry, Nancy, Leroy, Art, Kim, Greg, Melody – and now JD.  I tell God that I am the anti-Midas.  Everything King Midas touched turned to gold, but I feel like everything I touch turns to dirt.  I am cursed.  “God has raised His fist against me.”

“How am I supposed to go on?  How?”

And then, in that moment, all of my rage and all of my grief and all that I am burns and burns and burns for The Almighty.  I am a man of faith — and, even in the midst of this monstrous mess my life has become, I know that He could end every ounce of this despair with a simple whisper.  A sign.  A something.  Anything.

“If You would just speak, this madness would end!”

With the last tissue, I tell God that I am convinced He wants me to suffer — alone, in this maddening agony.  I tell Him that I have given up on Him, that I cannot take any of this any more.  That I am broken.  And my heart is dead.  My pain is too great, my anguish too deep.  And that I will never serve God again for as long as I live.

“I can’t do it!  I can’t do it!  I just can’t do it!”

Three days later, God spoke to me through a dream.

“In my dream, I had a vision…”

To learn more, read ”Safe in the Mouth of Danger.”

 

Love,

The NorEaster

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Feb 2 2012

Old Prayers That Penetrate Deep

O Lord, Lover of men, who forgivest us our sins; Cleanse us of all that is base or selfish, and make us to be in all things thy servants, and the messengers of thy love. Amen.

Grant, O Lord, that we may meet all difficulties and temptations with a stedfast heart, in the strength of thy indwelling spirit. Amen.

Shield us, O God, from the darkness of soul which seeth thee not, and from the loneliness of heart which heareth not thy voice, and through life and in the valley of the shadow of death, forsake us not; for thy Name‘s sake. Amen.

Deepen and quicken in us, O God, a sense of thy Presence, and make us to know and feel that thou art more ready to teach and to give than we to ask or to learn; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

O most merciful Redeemer, Friend, and Brother.
May I know thee more clearly,
May I love thee more dearly,
May I follow thee more nearly. Amen.

O Saviour of the world, who by thy Cross and precious Blood hast redeemed us; Save us, and help us, we humbly beseech thee, O Lord. Amen.

From the Book of Common Prayer, 1928

http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bcp/1928/S&S_Prayers.htm

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Jan 20 2012

A Puppet, or Your Sovereign Prince?

One day in one of the villages there was a man covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus he fell down before him in prayer and said, “If you want to, you can cleanse me.”

–Luke 5:12, The Message

 This man, an infectious leper, approaches Jesus. The Lord looking at him (most people would avert their gaze) asked simply, “What do you want?”  There was no hesitancy as he falls at Jesus’ feet.  “Please!  Make me clean, if you want to.”  His beautiful prayer of absolute surrender and trust sets up the staggering miracle.

There are so many plagued with personal sin– like leprosy, it started out small, hardly noticeable.  But time and opportunity has caused it to spread through the whole body.  The man now lived among the unclean.  He has been utterly infected, and totally consumed by his disease. The leper is one who is no longer in control.

His prayer exposes his desperate humility.  It is Jesus’ decision completely.  The man does not demand, or challenge Jesus.  So many try to make it an issue of Jesus proving his power and deity.  The man has lost all willingness to manipulate and control the healing process. He has been stripped of his power in this matter.

Much of the time, when I come before Jesus in prayer, I come with my checklist.  I build my case around things I have done to deserve my request.  I’m very stupid sometimes.  I don’t say it, but I’m trying to earn an answer by my effort.  We still try to achieve spiritual blessings by works.

What I need to do, is to throw myself at the feet of Jesus.  I need to plead for mercy.  Scripture has revealed to us that God draws close to the humble and contrite. ”If you want to, you can cleanse me.”

There are no hoops to jump through.  There are no vows you can make so that it will happen. There are no deals to make. “(If you do this for me, I  promise never to swear again.)” But it is grace, from start-to-finish.  It raises havoc with our built-in sense of spiritual entitlement.  Personally, the grace of God has been the most profound and significant concept I have ever encountered.

It’s all about a simple, childlike trust in the Savior.  He is always good and merciful.  I will exercise no agenda of my own.  I will pull no spiritual strings, He is not my puppet.  Instead I put myself at His feet, and wait for Him to do what He wishes. Is God your puppet, or is He your potentate?

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Jan 18 2012

Here I Am, Once Again…And Again

O Lord here I am again

Just plain old me, coming to you

As I’ve come a thousand times–

And this is what always happens:

Your response is immediate

You open your arms unhesitantly

You draw me to yourself

You clasp me to your father-heart

Then reaffirm my position:

 

I am a child of the King

And all that is yours is mine

When I begin my stammering account

            — of gross unworthiness

Your gentle smile hushes me.

With endless patience

You remind me once more

            –that my value never determines Your love.

Rather your love determines my value.

–Ruth Harms Calkins

” And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”                            

Philippians 1:6, NLT

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Jan 16 2012

Prayer for Protection by Patrick, (c. 387 – 17 March, 493)

I arise today,
Through God‘s strength to pilot me;

God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s hosts to save me
From snares of the devil,
From temptations of vices,
From every one who desires me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and evil,

Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul.
Christ shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that reward may come to me in abundance.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.

Amen.

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Jan 2 2012

Thy Mercy Beams I See

The Heavens Declare the Glory of God

Christ, Whose Glory Fills the Skies

By: Charles Wesley

Christ, whose glory fills the skies,
Christ, the true and only light,
Sun of righteousness, arise,
Triumph over the shades of night;
Dayspring from on high, be near;
Daystar, in my heart appear.

Dark and cheerless is the morn
Unaccompanied by thee;
Joyless is the day’s return
Till thy mercy’s beams I see,
Till they inward light impart,
Glad my eyes, and warm my heart.

Visit then this soul of mine,
Pierce the gloom of sin and grief;
Fill me, radiancy divine,
Scatter all my unbelief;
More and more thyself display,
Shining to the perfect day.

______

Wesley’s hymn resonates within.  Being of a sad and melancholic temperment I find a deep assurance in these words that describe my issues so clearly. But He is my light, He scatters my unbelief and doubt.  I will lean heavily on Jesus, as He leads me out of my darkness.

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