Computers in Alaska

Alaskan Computer Life

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Log on: Make the wood stove hotter.
Log off: Don’t add no more wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove.
Download: Getting the firewood off the truck.
Floppy Disk: What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
Ram: The thing that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter.
Prompt: “Throw another log on the fire”.
Window: What to shut when it’s cold outside.
Screen: What to shut during mosquito season.
Byte: What mosquitoes do.
Bit: What the mosquitoes did.
Megabyte: What BIG mosquitoes do.
Chip: Munchies when monitoring.
Microchip: What’s left after you eat the chips.
Modem: What you did to the weeds.
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.
Lap Top: Where kitty sleeps.
Mouse: What eats the food in your pantry.
Mainframe: What holds the house up.
Web: The things spiders make.
Web Site: The garage or attic.
Cursor: Someone who swears a lot.
Search Engine: What you do when the truck dies.
Screen Saver: A repair kit for the torn window screen.
Home Page: A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost when hunting moose.
Upgrade: Driving up into Atigun Pass.
Sound Card: One of them technological birthday cards that plays music.
User: Buddy down the street who keeps coming over borrowing stuff.
Network: When you have to repair your fishing net.
Internet: Where the fish get caught.
Netscape: When a fish gets away.
On-line: When you get the laundry on the clothesline.
Off-line: When the clothespin lets go and the laundry falls on the ground.

alask15

Handy Latin Phrases– Thin Humor

You just never know when your ability to speak Latin might come in handy.  These will pretty much impress your friends. And they certainly are more useful then learning to speak “Klingon” (which is pretty much restricted to “Star Trek” conventions. Thank God.)

Phrases that are good to know…

 

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
If you can read this you’re over-educated.

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I’m not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let’s all wear mood rings!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

flourishx

This and more can be found at: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2fy14Z/web.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/user/d/r/dryfoo/www/Funny-pages/handy-latin.html

Sunday Funnies: The Gift of Caffeine

My blood type is Folgers.  ~Author Unknown

All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person.  ~Author Unknown

Do I like my coffee black?  There are other colors?  ~Author Unknown

 

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the ‘House of Mochas’ forever.


~Author Unknown

Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.  ~Author Unknown

I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.  ~John Van Druten

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.  ~Author Unknown

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’    ~Jim Carrey

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.    ~Edward Abbey

Give a frontiersman coffee and tobacco, and he will endure any privation, suffer any hardship, but let him be without these two necessaries of the woods, and he becomes irresolute and murmuring. –  U.S. Army Lt. William Whiting, 1849

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Send me your favorite “coffee quote”! -Bryan