Handy Latin Phrases– Thin Humor

You just never know when your ability to speak Latin might come in handy.  These will pretty much impress your friends. And they certainly are more useful then learning to speak “Klingon” (which is pretty much restricted to “Star Trek” conventions. Thank God.)

Phrases that are good to know…


Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
If you can read this you’re over-educated.

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I’m not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let’s all wear mood rings!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.


This and more can be found at: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2fy14Z/web.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/user/d/r/dryfoo/www/Funny-pages/handy-latin.html

Funnies: Am I Overprotective?


Print out and submit as per instructions at the bottom of the form.


1. Name :______________________ Date of Birth :______________

2. Height :___________________________

Weight :_______________________ GPA :________________

3. Social Sec. #_________________  Drivers


4. Boy Scout Rank :__________________________

5. Home address :_______________________ City/ State_____________

6. Do you have one male and one female parent ? Yes _______ No _______

7. If no, explain :______________________________________________

8. Number of years parents married :_____________________________

9. Do you own a van ?______ A truck with oversized tires ?____

A water bed ?_______

10. Do you have an earring , nose ring , belly-button ring ?______ A tattoo ?_______

(If yes to any of #9 or #10, Discontinue application and leave premises …)

11. In ten words or less, what does LATE mean to you ?


12. In ten words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you ?


13. In ten words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?


14. Church you attend :__________________ How often you attend :_____

15. When would be the best time to interview your Father, Mother, And Pastor ?


16. What would you want to be IF you grew up ?



Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely – all answers are confidential  (that I won’t tell anyone – ever- I promise).

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is in the


If I were beaten the last bone I would want broken is my


The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is


When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first



(Note: If answer begins with T or A, discontinue and leave premises: Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. )


Signature (that means your name, moron)


Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not attempt to call or write. If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white coats and carrying a violin case.




“Let There Be Zoloft!”

A “tongue in cheek” evaluation of Zoloft, my personal fav as I work through my own depression.


“Seeking to broaden the customer base of the popular drug, Pfizer announced the launch of a $40 million “Zoloft For Everything” advertising campaign Monday.  “Zoloft is most commonly prescribed for the treatment of depression and anxiety disorders, but it would be ridiculous to limit such a multi-functional drug to these few uses,” Pfizer spokesman Jon Pugh said. “We feel doctors need to stop asking their patients if anything is wrong and start asking if anything could be more right.”

Continued Pugh: “How many millions of people out there are suffering under the strain of a deadline at work or pre-date jitters, but don’t realize there’s a drug that could provide relief? Zoloft isn’t just for severe anxiety or depression. Got the Monday blues? Kids driving you nuts? Let Zoloft help. Zoloft.” Zoloft (sertraline hydrochloride) was originally introduced as a means of treating depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

In January of this year, however, Pfizer won FDA approval for use of Zoloft to treat premenstrual dysphoric disorder, as well as social-anxiety disorder, or “social phobia.” Last week, the FDA okayed Zoloft for treatment of “the entire range of unpleasant or otherwise negative social, physical, and mental feelings that an individual may experience in the course of a human life.” “At first, Zoloft was only used to treat depression,” Pugh said. “But what is depression, really? Who died and gave doctors the authority to dictate who is and isn’t depressed? One man’s hangnail could be another man’s darkest depths of despair. Isn’t medication a tool to help people lead better, happier lives? Access to drugs should not be restricted to those the medical community officially deems ‘sick.'”

Pfizer president James Vernon said the “Zoloft For Everything” campaign will employ print and TV ads to inform potential users about the “literally thousands” of new applications for Zoloft. Among the conditions the drug can be used to treat: anxiety associated with summer swimsuit season, insecurity over sexual potency and performance, feelings of shame over taking an antidepressant, and a sense of hollowness stemming from losing an online auction. A Zoloft ad is slated to run in next week’s issue of People.

In today’s fast-paced world, Vernon said, people don’t have time to deal with mood changes. “Zoloft has always helped clinically depressed people modulate serotonin levels and other chemical imbalances that make life unlivable for them,” Vernon said. “But now, Zoloft can also help anyone who needs their emotions leveled off. Do you find yourself feeling excited or sad? No one should have to suffer through those harrowing peaks and valleys.”

Anita White of Yuma, AZ, sought out Zoloft after seeing one of the new commercials. “I was sitting on the couch, just watching TV, and, for the life of me, I couldn’t motivate myself to go down to the basement to do the laundry,” White said. “Luckily, a Zoloft ad came on right at that moment went to their web site and, sure enough, one of the ‘Is Zoloft Right For You?’ quiz questions was, ‘Are you unable to motivate yourself to go down to the basement to do the laundry?’ That’s when I knew.”

Other pharmaceutical companies are following Pfizer’s lead. On Tuesday, Paxil manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline unveiled its new ad slogan, “Paxil… Give It A Try.” Eli Lilly, maker of Prozac, is slated to launch a similar campaign built around the slogan, “Pot Roast Burnt? Husband Home With The Flu? You’re Having One Of Those Prozac Days.” “We are letting consumers know that if they suspect Zoloft might improve the quality of their lives, they should contact their doctor,” Pugh said.

“And remember, you’ll need to take Zoloft for at least eight weeks to make sure it’s working.” Pugh warned that Zoloft use may cause side effects such as agitation, erratic behavior, restlessness, difficulty speaking, or shaking of hands and fingers. He added that Zoloft can help those suffering from agitation, erratic behavior, restlessness, difficulty speaking, and shaking of hands and fingers.


The Things We Must Learn

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone that can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned that you can do some thing in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that money is a lousy way to keep score.

I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned that no matter good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

Photos: Rag Picking the Net

This is admittably an eclectic and eccentric collection.  I feel like a ‘rag-picker’, scrounging around to find things that are shiny, and pretty.  Maybe more like a big black crow, hauling  junk away to store on my hard drive.  Baubles and buttons. Shiny things.  A marble.

Here’s this Sunday’s collection.  There is a sort of a common denominator, I started by posting sayings and quotes, but ended up with everything. 




One of my all time favs. It speaks of God reaching for me.


Against the flow, baby.


"Jesus loves me this I know..."

Sunday Funnies: Chocolate

Chocolate Understood: Funny Quotes

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who has sworn off fudge and chocolate.

I never met a piece of chocolate I didn’t like.

Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. – John Tullius

I am not overweight. I am chocolate enriched.

There is no chocolate anonymous because no one wants to quit.

If at first you don’t succeed, have a chocolate.

If I must die let it be death by chocolate.

For some there’s therapy for the rest of us there’s chocolate.


In the cookies of life, friends are the chocolate chips.

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.

There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now.

Chocolate doesn’t make the world go around … but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt! – Lucy Van Pelt (in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz)

Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.


The divine drink, which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink (cocoa) permits a man to walk for a whole day without food. – Montezuma, Aztec Emperor (c. 1480-1520)

 Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces. – Judith Viorst





Sunday Funnies: Children’s Letters to God

We love our children (those little angels!) and really do see them as a gift from God to us.  They are part of the reason why we take our meds, stay sober and deal with our depression.

Below are examples of children writing their letter to God.  All of them are significant, and we see through their innocent questions to understand the heart.

  • Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? — Jane
  • Dear God, I think about You sometimes even when I’m not praying. — Elliot
  • Dear God, Did You really mean “do unto others as they do unto you?” Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother. — Darla
  • Dear God, I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. — Margret
  • Dear God, I read the Bible. What does “begat” mean? Nobody will tell me. — Love, Allison
  • Dear God, Are you really invisible or is that a trick? — Lucy
  • Dear God, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? — Anita
  • Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? — Norma
  • Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now? — Jane
  • Dear God, Who draws the lines around countries? — Nan
  • Dear God, The bad people laughed at Noah — “You made an ark on dry land you fool”. But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do. — Eddie
  • Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? — Neil
  • Dear God, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. — Jane
  • Dear God, Thank You for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. — Joyce
  • Dear God, Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. — Tom L.
  • Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. — Bruce
  • Dear God, If we come back as something — please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. — Denise
  • Dear God, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. — Danny
  • Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. — Larry
  • Dear God, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. — Sam
  • Dear God, You don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways. — Dean
  • Dear God, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. — Nan
  • Dear God, Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the best. — Rob
  • Dear God, My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they? — Marsha
  • Dear God, If You watch me in Church Sunday. I’ll show You my new shoes. — Mickey D.
  • Dear God, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. — Love, Chri
  • Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So, I bet he stoled Your idea. — Sincerely, Donna
  • Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are God already. — Charles