by Bryan Lowe
“Religious people love to hide behind religion. They love the rules of religion more than they love Jesus. With practice, Condemners let rules become more important than the spiritual life. “
— Michael Yaconelli
“We are told that Christ was killed for us, that His death has washed out our sins, and that by dying He disabled death itself. … That is Christianity. That is what has to be believed.”
–C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
*********************************************
People with mental illnesses, for the most part, have been diverted underground. We have been pushed into hiding our true identity; we can come out into the open, but only if we agree to play according to the rules–their rules. We are expected to censor ourselves, and say proper things at the right time. Pharisees [who are alive and well] insist on a level of purity that all must maintain. [Hey, I am not picking on anyone, it's just a generality.]
If I say that I am depressed, paranoid, manic or desperate I will upset the apple cart and muddle up everything. “Truth? You can’t handle the truth?”, [from the movie, "A Few Good Men".] But if we use our shortcomings as credentials, we have the ability to speak about grace, love and of self-acceptance, with authority.
Christians with mental illnesses, have been given a gift that we are to share with the Church. The Holy Spirit has sprinkled us into each fellowship of believers. He places us as we are suffering into strategic places. Our “gifts” are to speak to the Body, spiritually about a lot of things, but especially grace.
If our fellowships become religious, it is usually because we in our weaknesses, we have allowed ourselves to be silenced into submission by the “interpreters” of scripture. If we don’t like the rules, we are told to go elsewhere. We are not welcome.
But don’t you see, that is our moment to shine! Our “unsightly” presence shouts out to the “wonderful” people, proclaiming grace in weakness. Those who receive us, in a way, receive Him. Those who turn from us, muffling us, are doing that to Jesus. Frightening, isn’t it? It’s interesting to note the those who do not believe yet have often used “legalism” as the reason for their decision.
I would strongly suggest that we take our illnesses into the open. That we become transparent before others. As we do this, we can ‘oh-so-gently’ guide our fellowships into true grace and love. They look at me and they see Jesus. And that is our ministry as mentally ill people to the Church. Our weaknesses are really our strengths.
9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (HCSB)
“The gospel is either radical, or it is nothing” — Me
i have bipolar ptsd and i had a seizure and they thought it was a demon i have been really sad that this was done
Darlene, I understand what you are dealing with..I too had been shunned because of my transparency with an issue I was battling with. The counselor at my church suggested I go and volunteer at a local library stacking books or whatever…in my heart I knew God was not calling me to that task…He had mightier plans to use me. Ended up becoming an inspiring devotional writer, blog mentor to the hurting, and to top that off an influencial women’s small group leader. Today, God has me finishing up writing my life’s story and it is going to be used in mighty ways in setting His beloved daughters free. Darlene, Do not allow “dysfunction” to hamper God’s mighty works being done in and through you…allow His Holy Spirit to graft you into your purposed “functioning role” in the body of Christ! To Him be all the glory, honor, and praise! Always aim to hear, “well done my good and faithful servant with you I am very pleased. You finished that which I called you to accomplish. Here is your reward!” I pray that God bless the works of your hands and a great harvest will come forth in time to come….
Amen Amen Amen!!! Awesome post here here….No more pushing us away CHURCH we have something to say. God has given us the gift to serve in this way…
We all have a part to play in God’s kingdom work here on earth….so may His body be ever so kind and gentle to accept those with limitations…for when we are weak-then He is strong. The Lord loves to use the presumed foolish ones and do mighty things through them to dumbfound the so-called wise. Darleen, May the Lord bless you in all that you seek to do for Him.
Thank You Barbara, it seem with mental illness that the stigma is also in the church and for years I have be shunned on to serve because of my mental illness.. This has been somewhat frustrating and hurtful. Satan can have his way with this and certainly has done this to me.. It was said to me that I cannot be in a study group because they were scared what I could do to their children. This makes someone withdraw and I have been. Not any more I know that God has given me the gift to serve this way to help in mental health in the church. You know that still voice you hear deep inside you saying this is the plan for you. I going to stop hiding and start doing what God wants me to do…
I’m a 60 y/o Female who has survived 50+ years of multiple abuses, rapes, my 1st husb sold my firstborn daughter…I have 5(five)mental illnesses.I KNOW tht I wouldn’t be here if my Father hadn’t had His hand on my shoulders, if Jesus hadn’t carried me most of my life! I still struggle w/ severe depression,
triggers, flashbacks, the loss of years of memories tht have been blocked out and have yet to find an accepting church home. Now homeless, without family(they’ve rejected me as well)and NO friends, I am sooo lonely. “Church people” have told me too, that my faith isn’t strong enough and/or I’m “demon/spirit oppressed/possessed and that I’m “holding on to my demons”, etc. Because of this type of feedback, I continue to HATE myself and have become a “self-injurer”, scratching my own flesh, burning myself with cigarettes, banging my head and punching/slapping myself; my Fiance (not yet a Believer) turns up the radio to drown out the sounds of the slaps and the horrible, nasty things that I say to myself.
I pray that He understands my illnesses and my inability to stop/change it myself and will forgive me and still put my name into His book; because yall see, the beloved child tht I prayed so fervently for has severe mental illness too, and I DESPERATELY want to lead him, and my dearest Fiance(who loves me and accepts me for the loving good tht he sees in me)
and anyone else tht I come into contact with, to my most Beloved, Dearest God, my Father. I don’t really want to commit
suicide, I don’t want my life to have been meaningless, I don’t
want to die in the madness….
Sunny, you speak eloquently of experiences and feelings that others understand to greater and lesser degrees. I understand this experience from a different perspective – in having various physical, sensory and disfiguring conditions. I also know how terribly hard it is, even for church members who are working, to ‘break in’ to a church’s “mentality” to see the need for mental health ministries, etc. They don’t see ‘us’ because they don’t WANT to ‘look’ … not because we don’t wave our hands wildly, yell out with conviction that we need to be heard … but because they fear the unknown of what hearing us may mean to hearing one another. Some thoughts on finding spiritual connections (1) keep coming back here – there are real people with souls who read what you post and understand. (2) Share your ‘area’ (New York? Los Angeles?, etc.) and church preference … There ARE groups that have mental health ministries – I know of a ‘mental health minister’ in northern CA with an active ministry. Other groups have other programs. (3) The reality is that whatever is found will not be perfect … and that is the scariest thing – that in our deep vulnerability and reaching out, we risk being hurt again. (4) Find a place where you can talk out in anguish to God. Out loud. Let it all hang out. AND… (5) Start a journal. Write down the wisdom you are gaining. Write down anything that gives you comfort. Write as though you are the one and only BEST ADVOCATE for yourself. If that hurts deeply, write down what self hate says, and then see what your inner wisdom says in response. (6) There are ‘peer counseling’ places … ‘consumers’ (AKA like people like us) who know how dark and dangerous the road is … see if your local MH center has that (7) if you have any opportunity, find a doctor who doesn’t prescribe meds for depression. I went off all my meds of 25++ years … it’s been very hard at times, because in healing from PTSD I gained a Voice (vs. passive) and have dealt with some deep retaliation … I am now taking “5 HTP” – a supplement you can get in a drug store. … I hope you find some help within all this…
God loves you Sunny. He is with you in the middle of the your struggles – He said that he would never leave you or forsake you. Don’t give up. There are many resources and new medications available to help us, and blogs like this where you can share your heart with other Christians who understand.
Dear Sunny, I understand and can relate to the inner pain that you are in. May you know that I care about your life and the things that you will do while God has you here. I pray that God blesses you with His Joy and fills your mind with His peace!
God loves you Sunny and so do I!!! I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have suffered from sexual abuse, self injury, depression, post traumatic stress disorder and have been in psychiatric care once. I too have heard from the church that it’s my fault for not letting go or not believing enough or I don’t have enough faith and that’s why I am not healed. People do not understand that we heal in different ways and in different times. Your life is not meaningless because you mean something to God. You meant something to me when you shared your story. Your story touched me and made me know that I am not alone and that you are not alone. I pray right now as I type this that you be covered in the blood of our Savior Jesus Christ for your protection and that the Holy Spirit will bring you comfort my beauty. You are loved and are very important. Keep telling your story and sharing because you have touched a life, mine and will touch others who also feel alone and who are going through similar situations. You may even bring light to the church on a need that needs to be filled. Please don’t give up because God has not given up on you. You will be in my prayers. God bless you, lovely.
I struggle with severe anxiety and depression. I have found for me, once i let God off the hook for not healing me and once I let myself off of hook for being a human as He made me to be, I found a lot more grace for myself and for God. It is indeed heartwrenching how cruel and indifferent people can be while using God’s name as a license to do it in. Some mean well and some are jsut too stuck on their own ego. I had to let people off of the hook too. I have also learned too to remind myself when I am in the pit that eventually the sun will shine again. We are human being and with that comes the frailties and weaknesses of being human. We are no less human tat those that wear glasses or those that take insulin or those that have addictions or those that struggle with secrets sins or those that have really bad attitudes about spirituality or others.. I aked myself one day, what would Jesus say to me if he met me on the street and how would he react to me knowing everything about me. In order to answer that question, I had to do some work and study how Jesus treated those that were ill and people that were sinners. Well, he was actually quite kind to them and ministered to their being from a place of goodness and love. He healed them. He forgave them. He still loved them. He never once rejected them or scolded them for being sick or for needing his goodness. He never condemned them or isolated them or ignored them or rebuked them or told them they had to do this and that and the other to be worthy of him or his love or his acceptance. Unconditional love and “blind” acceprance and just “being” with someone is healing and comforting. Jesus offers that to us. Just as we are. Weaknesses, frailties, and illness and all. Healed or not. Whole or broken. Yes, we need people. We were also made for relationships with others. Yes, our humanness gets in the way of that at times in as much as other people’s humanness gets in the way of their being able to relate to us. We have a responsibility to do what we can to help ourselves. We have the option of finding rest in his love and acceptance. God is for us regardless of our humanness. I have learned to take every moment as I can and there are bad moments, lots of them. There are good moments too, lots of them. I ask God to be in each of these moments with me. To nourish me in the famine of my soul as well as in the times of plenty of the soul. He is there. I have found a great deal of comfort in just “being”. No more beating myself up for my weaknesses and failures. No more if I do this and that I will be whole. No more if only I could be this or that, God would heal me. no more I am not this or that until others say that I am so. No more blaming and no more if onlys. No more looking for redemption of past abuse or past wrongs or validation from others. No more begging and pleading in prayer to God like I am a beggar instead of a child of God. Just the knowing that He loves me as I am perfectly and completely. I have also found that I need to be wise in whom I share my humanness with. I have a therapist and a support group. I go to church to worship God and I don’t need to disclose my disclaimer with others to do so. Find safe places and safe people to share your heart with. I have a dog that I talk to about things as well. As well as a flower bed of flowers. I also took up cooking and cake decorating and organic hobbies. Maybe i am a tad manic.
). Do something. Don’t stay stuck in the paralysis of fear and self loathing. Set small goals. Be still before God in your soul. Offer him your moments and yourself even if you is broken and lost. He loves us. He really does love us. Just as we are. Even in the darkest moments. And remember, He promises that we wil lbe healed and that he will use everything for our good. We may not see it in this life. But He will do as he promised He would. Rest.
Wow – This blessed me so much today. I have just come back into relationship with the Lord after a long period of being angry with Him. I gave up believing that God really did love me because I just couldn’t figure out why He would allow me to make a fool of myself when I was trying to serve Him. I was diagnosed with BP 1 in 1995. Over many years, I would have manic episodes with psychosis where I would think God told me to do things Like, call the pastor at 2am or quit wearing my glasses because He healed my eyes. In the end I would end up in a mental hospital horrified when I realized what I had done. I quit going to church, threw away Christian books, and put my Bible away.
Well, I took my Bible out a week or so ago and listened to some sermons from my first Pastor that I found on the internet. I have hope again and wonder how I have lived so long without God. But, I am scared beyond words that I will get out of balance again and become manic. This site has helped me so much this morning. I have been pretty stable for the last year and I feel my medications are just right. So, it is scary to open up myself to God again. I’m trying to quit isolating and being afraid. Baby steps for me right now. Anyway, thank you for sharing.
You are welcome. I know those places are so hard and i know exactly what you talking about. I resigned myself to just sticking with the basics of what Jesus taught. Simple things like being kind, forgiving others, and so on. I kind of go through the same thing with my anxiety. Questioning everything. Feeling sure of nothing. Don’t trust myself to hear from God. Getting advice from other people about spiritual matters and discovering that often times that the advice was at opposite ends of the spectrum. I would end up even more confused and feeling total angst constantly like I was missing God or failing him or displeasing him. So, I decided just to take a time out, a time of rest. I told agod I have faith in you and I believe that Jesus is your son that died for my sins. i have nothing to offer you right now but me and my pain and my struggles. i am a hot mess more than I have it together. i need you to be a friend to me as well as my God. and peace came andI started to realize the triggering thoughts and patterns that would get me into a landslide of thoughts and fear and panic. I avoid those things now. I also force myself to get out and socialize a little bit even if I am afraid to or feel like i have nothing to offer anyone and I force myself to stay busy with something so I don’t. Ave time to get into a pit. I read my bible. I pray. I go to church when I am up to it. I it all gets to be too much, I take a timeout for awhile. I don’t obesses about being healed anymore or like I have to solve all of the mysteries of spirituality with God anymore. And I try to be a friend to myself now. God understands our struggles. I stopped allowing myself to feel the pressure of figuring everything out or striving to perform for God/other people anymore or constantly being at odds with him anymore. See God as a being that totally gets us. That totally knows and understands everything about us. He doesnt hold our struggles against us. He is merciful and forgiving and compassionate and ever so loving.
I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and I am also recovering from drug addiction. 4 months ago I started going to a new church that fit better with my beliefs and it is in walking distance from where i live and has many small groups. I believe this is the church God wants me to go to. I have a mentor who goes there who is getting a degree in psychology from a christian university. My problem is that when I told the pastor i suffer from mental illness he said there is no such thing as mental illness and that i just destroyed my brain from doing drugs. There was another man there called my family a bunch of nuts (my sister suffers from mental illness too) and said two of us had the same thing wrong with us. This makes me not want to go there any more. There is so much ignorance and stigma even in the church. Some people think mental illness is just demon possesion. I feel like i would be better off not getting too involved with the church instead of being descriminated against.
Hi Austin – I read your post a few days ago and have thought about it several times. The more I get to know who God is and who I am in his eyes the more peace I feel. I need to be around people who build me up not tear me down. I hope that you know that some people are just not educated about struggles like we face. I also struggle with alcoholism and addiction along with a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder1. Follow your heart and you will find the right church family. I am looking for the right place for me and my family at the present time. I won’t go where I feel condemnation or shame because I have mental illness. It is what I have – not who I am. We all need each other. I feel so blessed to have read this blog because I can relate so much to most every post. Hang in there and love yourself because God loves you and cares deeply about your every need.
Austin I would ask how you came to believe this was the church God wanted you to go to and IF in fact this is where God wants you don’t you think it logical that Satan would immediately begin throwing obstacles in your way to discourage you i.e. the Pastor and other man’s remarks. Perhaps between you and your mentor working together you have a job to do at this church to enlighten your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to mental illness and in the process heal them to enable them to better minister to others in need. You just may have found your purpose or God’s calling. Are you and your mentor up for the challenge to mend the hearts of those broken believers? You just might find it the most rewarding and self helpful work you’ve ever done. May God be with you and keep your mind and heart allied with Job.
I too am a broken believer. For my fellow sufferers, I have compiled a Windows desktop gadget of Bible verses (slide show) which can be installed for use on Vista and newer operating systems which if interested you can email me at neatsheep@gmail.com.
Robert Cornwall was
pastoring a small church in Salem, Oregon, when he approached the directors of the state mental institution with an offer
to do part-time counseling. His first assignment was Building 37 – an area which housed severe mental patients. On his
first day the guard let him into a room filled with deranged, half-clothed patients, human excrement was everywhere.
When he tried to talk to the inmates all he got were groans, moans, and demonic laughter. Then the Holy Spirit prompted
him to sit in the middle of the room and for a full hour sing, “Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.” At the end of
the first day he saw no response.
During his second visit he again sat on the floor and sang the simple song about Jesus’ love. The third week, about
twenty minutes into the session, a large black lady began to circle him like a dog circles its prey. Robert continued to
sing and finally the lady began to sing softly with him.
Over the weeks one after another joined in singing this song of God’s love. By the end of the first month thirty-six of the
patients had been transferred to a self-care ward, and in less than a year all but two were released from the mental institution. (From “Whose Love Is It Anyway?” Judson Cornwall and Michael Reid, Sharon Publications, 1991, p. 58-59).
I am 64 years old and have been broken since childhood…periods of deep, despairing depression. I’m so tired of this life, and am waiting for God to take me home. I come out of these dark places for a very short while, then am in the pit again. Tried almost every antidepressant medication out there, with very limited (if any) relief. You say to bring our sickness out into the open? I have shared many times, only to be met with statements like “You don’t have enough faith,” or “Jesus wants you healed…” All these name it/claim it statements make me want to vomit.It seems like a curse that God has given us His Word to comfort us, but in this darkness, I cannot take in His love and comfort. Desperately needing prayer…
Marcia … I am 63 now, and understand brokenness … I truly hear myself in what you are saying, so deeply. In 2010, when ‘it’ hit yet again, I started reading voraciously … I knew it was more than ‘treatment resistant depression’. I read my way past workaholic, family dysfunction, alcoholism, suicide, emotional/verbal abuse to PTSD, then complex PTSD. I ‘self-diagnosed’ myself … and when I learned the Ph.D. I was seeing had no PTSD training … I started looking for someone who did… Believe me, this has not cured it … the initial exhilaration I felt at “AHA!!!”… has led to deeper despair because the wall is breaking down…. I went off all meds (9 pills/day) in spring of 2010 – I am meeting with a psychosomatic MD on Friday to start something … I am guessing it feels like someone burning you, over and over, and the skin sadly heals pink and fresh so it can hurt badly once again. Over and over… I’m joining a local UU church this Sunday – 2 others and me will be starting a “Talking Circle” where this kind of stuff can be shared (not the same as the sharing in 12 step groups)…. We want to bring vulnerability and hurts to the light of healing and compassion. (While I ‘write good’ … believe me, the anxiety/depression et al of PTSD is ‘right there’ deeply… ). We have only this one life … somehow, ‘in all this’ … we owe it to the little children we once were – the ones who went through ‘all this’ and hurt so very much now, today … to somehow, even if only a tiny way … to shine a light on a better way of living. Our technology has outstripped our humanity in importance, and we suffer the dire consequences …
Dear Catherine,
Thank you for you kind words. I don’t know where you live but in the Christian realm there is a 12 step group called Celebrate Recovery,for all kinds of problems,including mental llness- google it and see if there is one close to you. Also, there are mental health support groups around the country by an organization, NAMI( Secular) which can be excellent…I would give you my email address as I could be a support, but don’t know how without giving it to all… Praying -keep me updated! Darlene
thank you darlene..for the valuable information..will surely check it out..
darlene,
this is my mail id..
angelcatherine92@gmail.com..
you may correspond me through this mail id if you wish..
catherine..
Hi Catherine, I too suffer rom bipolar disorder for forty years…My advise is to be cautious in finding the right church, as some don’t understand. Talk with the pastor and be sure that they will love and accept you and encourage you to serve in their church. Also, try to read the Bible and get to know God. “all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose” God does love us who suffer from mental illness and has His reasons for the horror we go through. We need to trust and obey.I hope this has been helpful,and I will be praying for you and DO know your pain…. Darlene
thank you darlene for your kind words..i dont even know what category my mental illness falls under.i’ve been contemplating suicide for quite a some time now.but unable to do it..as the thought of my mom stops me and also i dont want to go against jesus and his teachings..i have no one with whom i can share my plight with..i attend a church which is good enough..but im afraid there is any place for people like me.im apprehensive about sharing it with any church member or pastor fearing rejection and unacceptance..my previous experience of sharing it with the people close to me has not at all been encouraging..though they were supportive,they couldnt understand my problem which only left me feeling stupid.i seriously do want to overcome this problem but dont know how..thank you for praying for me..i too can understand the pain and plight you must have undergone all these years..may god relieve you from your difficulty soon..will keep praying for you..
catherine..
I am in my 30′s and am a Senior Pastor at a church. I struggle with Bipolar 1, ADD and a host of other things nonsignificant to this blog. What was said about how we (people with bipolar) are shunned so-to-speak underground is right on. This is not just a fear or insecurity, but a reality when I write that because of the culture (I do not want to specify), the generation gaps, and other factors, I know my wife and I would be asked to leave the church if they knew I had bipolar. What was encouraging is that I do preach on Grace quite often.
Another factor is that Bipolar is only 1/3 of my testimony as it has been a long road. I am of the type with mixed and frequent highs and pit type lows. That means that during the process I am climbing/scratching/scraping within my soul trying to get out of my skin, and all I want is to feel normal. It is virtually unbearable and I become vulnerable to activities/sins/vices that the enemy disguises as short term solutions.I am beginning to learn how to trust God through these times and not blame Him, see how these episodes can one day be used to grow very strong and mature in Christ, but in the midst of it, it is so challenging.
I love this job, and when I am well, I enjoy pastoring them and preaching and so forth. When I am ill though, I cannot tell you how challenging it is to do pastoral duties, to spend time with God, prepare sermons and a host of other responsibilities, plus be a husband and everything else. But when I’m expected to do too much here, like I am, it really takes a toll. I did the Hobbs Stress evaluation test tonight and scored 683. At 200 you may want to consider a check up. At three hundred it begins to affect your health. There is so much stress in my life that in a low two months ago, I foolishly fell into smoking e-ciggaretts for relief. Like all temptations, it has been a vice, and a bear to surrender, and so it eats me up inside and has brought in more destructive temptations to try and take its place. I’m prone to hyper-sexuality and overspending, and then there’s the ADD annoyances.
If anyone wants to see me or my current position through anything else other than grace, please save it- I assure you I already hear it, fear God’s judgement if I don’t fully surrender soon and more, one way or the other every day.
Nice blog by the way. Keep up the good work and persevere in your efforts, God is obviously using you through it. I’ve seen many blogs and have never really felt compelled to share on them, but yours somehow had His grace in it and I couldn’t resist. Thanks, God bless you all.
I am a 55 year old Christian woman and have been struggling with discrimination in the church for 40 years because of bi-polar disorder .I.Always felt called to missions but as a teen and onset of illness I was accused of being on drugs(I was not) then as an adult,I was told by pastor I was “too broken to be used” in that manner and was actually asked to leave church because of my need of support and prayer during my illness. This caused me to flounder in my relationship with with the Lord, backslidding and not attending church.I spent 7 years with unbelievers because they loved and accepted me just as I was, something I never got in church. I love the Lord and know “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” I just need to find a church that will believe that that verse is for me too!!
I have severe ocd depression and anxiety I forgot to take out taxes for SSDI my husband makes lots of money so its taxable I’m so scared. we lost our home 3years ago borrowed money from family, retirement credit cards midical bills are high . we owe for a new engine my car blew up I have 2 kids I’m scared I see a CPA on Monday if I make it that long.
all I do is cry and i have thoughts .
Praying for you Debbie…lots to handle, I feel for you! Keep praying and trusting God ask Him for wisdom and strength!
I am diagnos with Schizophernia I see demons and the devil. I hear voices some want me to think low of myself…. But I know God is love and he love me no matter how much they bring up my past. I know its in the sea of forgetfulness because I ask for forgiveness. We have power over all demons or devil u have authority u rebuke them…. I see alot of suicide demons bothering you guys….Been there done that speak to him seriously and with authority… Say satan I command you and your friends and tools go back to the pits of hell where your destiny is at…. and prayer psalms 91 for protection I love you guys peace be still y’all really somebody dont let anyone tell u different lets share charity and strive to be a peacemaker
Thank you. I cried happy tears. I needed this, I really needed to read this.
I stumbled upon your website quite by accident. What a relief to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I have dealt with depression since my early teens. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, major depression, and anxiety around 5 years ago. My dad, a pastor since I was a small child has told me that if my relationship with God was right I wouldn’t need medications. When I am at church or with church people, I feel that I have to look, act, and respond in a certain way (not myself) for fear of misrepresenting or embarrassing my dad. I have to behave like the perfectly normal sweet pastor’s daughter. I really have a hard time not beating myself up for not being good enough. So I isolate as much as I can. I really do not like interacting with people, yet I am stuck in a job where I must do exactly that all day every day. About a year ago, my teenager was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was told that my child was “self centered and needs to grow up”… this is the hardest thing of all for me to take. I have always loved and been close to my family, but when it c
comes to the mental illness I must deal with, they pretend they don’t know….and that makes me feel very much alone. However, just today I was reading my favorite Psalm and now I am convinced God loves bipolar people too!!! Check out Psalms 139. It highlights the highs and the lows…and guess what? God is still there. This has given me a reason to hold on and keep living one day at a time.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 8 if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 9 if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, 10 your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me 11 and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; 12 the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
Found this blog searching for the author of a quote I found in my late mom’s ancient Bible promise box. Didn’t find the owner, but I think the quote actually belongs here. (Guess God had a bigger plan..He’s like that
). Here it is: “If you and I live a sanctified and broken life, there will be pieces of our lives left to bless others.”
God bless your ministry
Like when Jesus fed the 5000 with pieces of a boy’s lunch.
I am 50, a surviver of long term sexual abuse. I am Bipolar 2, have OCD, (bad, intrucive thoughts) and PTSD.
I have been in teratment for over 25 years, and I am STILL a mess. And the pills made me FAT!
I am crinic suicidal. I know that one day, I may do it. Not sure why I have held on this long.
Had physical issues as well, 4 spine operations, heart disease early.
Sexual confusion.
God, stop the boat, I want to jump off! This is not, and have never been fun. I have never enjoyed life. I never was a kid. I was never good enough, blah, blah.
Please pray for me as I attempt to get apart time job to make ends mert from home. (I am on disability)
Thanks,
Jesus bless you,
Rob
I am reading thru these blogs & know this is from July, but know because you know what you struggle with & that you do believe in Jesus you are still around… I so understand exactly what you go thru & will pray for you Rob. Life is not fun when we have dealt with this our whole life, & we feel like we can’t wait for life to be over with, but there has to be a reason that we struggle & I guess figure out God’s will of this & use it to bless others somehow…Colleen
I have suffered cycles of depression most of my life. When I am well I can be very creative and be positive and a caretaker for others. I can be focused and very productive. However when I am depressed, the self-loathing is crippling. And the thoughts of suicide are constant. I don’t think I would do it because I was brought up Catholic, although I no longer consider myself one, but I think it is spiritually wrong. However, right now I can’t support myself, even though I have worked for over 25 years despite the pain of depression, and inability to focus when I am depressed. I can usually hide it fairly well for a while or I take anti-depressants when I am very, very bad. But right now I have only $50 to my name, 2 months behind on my mortgage payments, no cell phone which I need for
potential jobs, and two dogs that need to be fed. I see no way out. I have tried everything and each day I feel I am sinking further and further. I have a therapist but she keeps telling me to be patient and to explore new avenues of help, but I feel that I have exhausted those, and I can not longer
ask my family or friends to help. Will God and my higher power forgive me. I pray and meditate 2x a day and ask for relief, I ask to be taken in my sleep (I’m afraid of physical pain). I have written a goodbye letter to my family to ask for their forgiveness. I don’t want to hurt anyone or cause them
pain but I can’t bare losing my home and living in poverty. I know I’m a coward because I’ve seen people in the US and Central America live in poverty with dignity and strength and perseverance. But my character is not as evolved, and I I guess I’m too materialist to live with nothing, and too ashamed of my circumstances. I thank you for listening. And I commend all those who have the resilience to keep going.
I struggle so much. I often pray God would take me in my sleep. I suffer from bipolar2, borderline personality disorder, limbic ADD, and anxiety. Thats a lot! Plus, im the creative type. I dont know how to get away from suicidal thoughts, all I can do is cry and believe God hears me. The medication only does so much. I feel like satan is always out to get me, I do get comfort on my knees in prayer. It is hard to understand why other people get to have lives and success and I dont. I have to watch the self pity, without invalidating my own feelings. Thank you for your article. I just have to believe God will use all this.
Struggles will come, the issues rather then causing issues, maybe see as part of the creative purpose. With the list you gave, I’m willing to guess that you have pursued “explanations” before. Yes, the meds seem to only cover 80 per cent.That at least is my experience.
You have been gifted, but you will need others giftings as well. At least that is what Ive learned. You mention matters of bitterness and self pity. These can really be nasty. These two culprits take a lot of energy from us. But they do have a slight upside. They make you very much aware of the weaknesses that others need to deal with.
Things are tough, but the Holy Spirit is tougher. When He infuses us we will see more weakness, but we will also see more strength.
ybic, Bryan
I get really depressed sometimes. One friend called me a maniac depressive. Right now I am in my maniac state because I am positive. However sometimes I hate myself. When I was younger I had an abortion. I am Catholic. However, it was one of my wilder weeks. I had sex with two handsome guys. If I could do it over I would have said NO to both.
Hi, Bryan. I got a link to your article on social isolation and then read this article also. I began having anxiety attacks in the Fall of ’97, and they graduated to social anxiety and then agoraphobia in the following years. Like one of the other comments here said, I went through many deliverance and inner healing prayers/ministries, and I actually got worse rather than better. I’m a very social person, and this has been a major blow to me. I’ve prayed many years about this issue, but I’ve received a lot of rejection in churches and among Christians; a lot of pretentious Christianity but nothing substantial. Thanks for your articles. It’s sad to see so many Christians retreating into isolation and rejecting other Christians when the Bible says, “How good and how pleasant it is when brethren dwell together in unity” (Ps. 133).
Thank you so much for sharing this blog. It is so encouraging to find another believer who is “real”. I’ve been battling depression for years, since at least Junior High, and now am 34 yrs old. I notice a HUGE difference when I am battling depression, compared to when not depressed. I am extremely self-conscious, filled with shame about every person in the past who rejected me, and feel incredible social anxiety. I feel disconnected from people, and even from myself, and desperately want social interaction, yet so afraid that i will appear “off” to people that i shy away from it. What’s so frustrating is that I don’t feel depressed all the time (thank God for times of relief), so I know the difference, and how much easier life is without depression. I know that I am “off” during these times, so the anxiety I feel that others will notice, too is great. But, I know my battle with this serves the purpose of understanding pain and suffering, and hopefully to make me more compassionate, humble, and like Jesus. Please pray that God will use this in my life-because sometimes I wonder if this pain serves a purpose at all.
Hi Bryan,
Please pray for me. I’ve been diagnosed with general anxiety, social anxiety, depression and OCD. Sometimes it feels like all the worries are getting too much for me, but at other times I still feel that God has a good plan for me. I am on medication currently, but am struggling with side-effects and finding the rights meds and dosage.
Also, I desperately need to forgive myself, becuase I blame myself for certain of my mental health issues and keep on comparing myself to others that went to secondary school with my. My anxiety sometimes reaches to such heights that I get severe panick attack. Please Lord Jesus, let me be aware of your presence again and let me not lose hope!
Dear One,
I can totally relate. You seem to have several issues going on at once. This is really hard. Give time for the meds to work. It took me 2 months before they went to work. Also, not being able to forgive yourself can be a lingering handicap. I know this as well. PA are pretty ugly as well. Expect the meds to work though, and to help you ease up. Find your own way to worship. This will keep you in a good place.
About the meds, you mentioned side effects. Most of the time, these will start to settle down. It’s like a ‘muddy creek,’ over time it will start running clearer as things start to settle.
Because you’re on meds, I assume that you are seeing either a psych doc your GP. If things heat up, you may consider a therapist. But wait and see. The next two months could be rough. A good pastor/elder is worth his/her weight in fine gold. A loving church is a big advantage as well. But granted, these relationships take a lot of time to build. But little steps are much better than no steps.
I’m here.
ybic, Bryan
Thanks for your reply pastor Bryan, I appreciate it. I went for so many deliverance prayers and inner healing courses and was so disappointed when none really helped me.
Like I said I sometimes struggle with my faith, but I know even though I’m struggling God is still a good God and will use anyone (even psychiatrists and therapists who are not Christians) in my process of getting better.
Thanks again and keep up the good work supporting those with mental illness who might think society and the church has given up on them. Even now, at our lowest point God is willing and able to bring breakthrough in our lives (Sometimes it’s just very difficult to ride out those storms that come our way!)
God bless.
Andries (South Africa)
Andries
I’m pretty mentally ill right now with depression, religious OCD/Scrupulosity, and the horrible strange feeling of depersonalization. As accepting as my Church is of all of this, I’m not of myself. I need to be more open about my disorder/illness to people that can provide me inspiration and truth in my weakness. This speaks so much truth into my life. You’ve really been a blessing.
TY Joseph. Your opening up will bring healing to yourself and others. Like a musty basement, we do better with the sunshine drying things up. I suggest being slow, often healing comes in increments. Be patient with yourself. There are almost 1000 posts here, read what fits.
Are you on meds? Seeing a therapist? A pastor?
ybic, Bryan
For sure, patience and acceptance is key. I’m not on any meds, but I am seeing a therapist and a pastor which helps me cope with everything. I don’t quite understand my life right now. It seems like all confusion, but I just keep holding on for the ride.
Hi there
Does anyone know of any Christian Mental Health ministries, either in Australia or elsewhere?
many thanks
Zoë
No, but I think CBN.org would be a resource and a reference point.
Thank you for sharing this. As the spouse of a believer who has a mental illness, I can also relate–even though this post was intended for those who have mental illnesses. I think each of us can receive the Lord’s grace and find that He is sufficient for each day. Many times the “day to day” is hard, but ultimately, God is good.
Dear Bryan,
What a blessing to read this site. I stumbled over it when googling William Cowper. may the Lord continue to strengthen and guide you in this fantastically important ministry.
(From England)
Ed Ball
thank you for this encouraging post. i have Bipolar and panic disorder and really have been struggling with going thru it alone cause people don’t usually care to stick around very long. i am thankful for the few that have and pray i can encourage other broken believers and air on the side of grace because i am a living testimony of His grace.
We really do need a little different approach. We’ve been waiting for you, and you’re now in the midst of brothers and sisters.
ybic, Bryan
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar schizoaffective since I was 20 years old. I deal a lot with self-condemnation. I struggle in areas and fear God is mad at me because I can’t seem to find my way out of the sin. Finding a place to simply express this frustration without being judged is important. Deep down I have a feeling that God is using this to mend me and make me stronger than I’ve ever been. But right now I’m experiencing tremendous amounts of guilt, shame, and worry. I pray God bless you wonderfully.
Dear One, condemning yourself is an ugly habit to fall into. The more we do it, the more desperate it gets. It is something we do to destroy ourselves. Your concern about God’s anger directed at you is completely invalid. He poured out His anger on the Lord Jesus. He chose to be assaulted, in order to bring us life.
You’ll always be welcome here, on this site. I definitely hope that all you face in here will only strengthen you, giving you power.
I have watched myself slowly lose both my faith and my mental stability over the past three or four years, and am now at the point of resolve with myself that I know undoubtedly that the Lord wants to and will assist me with my spirits of fear and worry. My problem being is that i am having an unnaturally tough time coping with self condemnation. Part of the problem is my obsession with begging for forgiveness instead of resting in God’s grace… ignoring paranoia is a trial, but forgiving myself seems insurmountable lately. I am not handicapped in the reasoning department, which is what has been consuming me. I need to stop using worldly reasoning on God and matters of the spirit. I don’t necessarily know what to ask at the moment, but I am becoming overwhelmed… Pray for me, if nothing else.
thank you
We seem to struggle through so much. Our issues are dealt with by our Father. All we need to do is to turn toward Him. I will pray for you. Jesus’ presence is going to meet you.
thank you for your time… I am only 24 years old, and knowing that a good deal of my mental health issues could have been avoided by my own actions is hard to cope with, but I am finding rest in God. Thank you for you prayers. There are big events going on in the world concerning our faith, and I appreciate the attention you have allowed yourself to give to the ill and weak like me… Bless you and I’ll be praying for you too.
Learning to completely forgive yourself can result in a dark, and deep sadness. Some of us have created a deep evil in the things we have done. Yet others have found a deep and definite release from all our past sins. You have to choose. And I can’t really help you when you come to this point. Please, dear one– choose wisely.
Zach, something just tells me that as you seek Him, He will show you mighty and tremendous things!
As I reread your note, I’m struck by this. You need to connect, by your active and find a sincere presence, a relationship with Him! He will ask you to press into this, and much will have to be beaten out of you. But, dear one– press through this “small” issue and He will take you higher.
Thank you, brother, i’ve needed some words of encouragement to that extent, and it truly is a blessing to physically receive them, as opposed to reasoning it internally. I have had a long history of pulling heartstrings within good people, the only problem being I tend to not be steadfast in my own decision making process, which is definately not the way to shine the good light. I truly hope you also find some resolution within yourself, you are a most deserving person from my perspective, and I’m sure our Father has a similar judgement for you. I have made a few leaps in improvement since I first corresponded with you. Im still struggling, but I have found some rest. Thank you and bless you Bryan.
pastor,Bryan,
Estou muito triste porque além de cuidar minha mãe acamada e idosa, ainda tenho uma preocupação com minha irmã que tem diagnóstico de depressão e bipolar. Peço orientação (ela faz tratamento clínico com psicanalista e medicamentos), mas eu acho que nada é impossível para Deus. Só ELE pode curar esta e outras doenças. ELa já esteve melhor apenas com oração , mas a igreja que ela frequenta não sabe orar por isso.Ajude-me, por favor. Estou muito cansada. obrigada. Deus o abençoe mais e mais. Cristina
cristina_bidel@hotmail.com
Once when I prayed and told God that I felt something was wrong because I didn’t ‘reflect Jesus’ in my life, I sensed that He answered me by saying, “You DO reflect Christ. I said that whatever you do unto the least of these my children, you have done it on to me. You are the least of these; you are their opportunity to serve me.” That’s not a word-for-word quote, but quite close. I suspected that maybe I had thought up a self-serving answer, until I read this piece in your blog. You have put it so well. Thank you.
Carol, I’m so glad this connected with you, in this particular way. You are blessing me.
My 17 year old daughter has been diagnosed with borderline personality tendencies. We are in counseling and want to help. What else can we do? Please pray for her. Her name is Nicole. Pray for wisdom and peace of mind for my husband and me.
Not so much “doing” but being. There can often be a hyper-paranoid reaction to any activity on your part that she perceives. A parent’s sadness over their confused daughter is staggering. And we will often overcompensate. Keep pulling on that which enriches you deeply, maybe, rather then add something new, look at the sources you already have, but take it deeper than you already have.
I will be praying for Nicole. And I will lift up you as parents. I think I should add one thing more. Please try to find joy in the better moments. That joy and peace will give her a sense that things can be better. And she needs hope right now.
I don’t go to church anymore. I went for 20 years to the same church after the Lord healed me of alcoholism.
The reason I left, wasn’t because people didn’t know I had OCD, with demonic suggestions, and demonic torment and torture, but because no one could help me. The Bible said Jesus came to set the captives free. Before I worry about what a church thinks of me, I want to be free from the daily, minute by minute torment of OCD. God healed me of alcoholism, but my Ocd is so tormenting, I feel like a herd of pigs being driven off a cliff by the sheer desire to escape the unrelenting evil torment of OCD.
I love that you are saying these things, Bryan.
Thank you for this, my wife is mentally ill and we need prayers and all the truth we can find.
God Bless’
Paul
I sincerely hope you are finding it. Having a church that understands and helps is a true blessing. Also, look for doors that will open for you two to be a blessing to others. That is very important.
ybic,
Bryan
sir,
i have been suffering from severe mental illness from past five years…i have been trying to overcome it…but to no avail..i have lost all my strength..i have been praying to god to relieve me ,show me a way out of this mental agony..till now he had just paid a deaf ear..given the nature of my problem,i cannot even share it with anyone..i cannot live like this anymore..can you pls suggest what i should be doing now sir???
awaiting reply..