Monotony

 

88436c0baf853c6243c5a8a2c72fc8f4Monotony has become a fixture around here. I had been told to be on alert for it, but it seems like I’ve got to learn for myself.

With any chronic illness there can be something tedious and routine about life. To have a physical or mental illness can be acutely painful. But interspersed between the pain is the sheer weariness of the afflicted. It can be intense and intrusive. It is the drudgery of depression.

The sheer boredom of my illness is killing me. Everyday is the same and the foreseeable future holds little hope of it changing. Now I’m a reasonably sedate person. I don’t need a lot of excitement. (I like a good book and a cup of tea.) I’m not after adventure, but I don’t care too much for monotony either.

Brain-numbing existence is quite common. It is often seen in a “trivial” life.

  • the single mom working as a secretary
  • the man mopping floors
  • the college grad frying burgers
  • the resident at an old folks home

These situations seem inescapable. We see ourselves locked into a situation where escape is not possible. We are consigned to do whatever our circumstances dictate. We’re all trapped. Pure and simple. We can find no meaning in our lives; we start to despair, “Will it ever be different?”

I believe the drabness of our lives can often be attributed to a lack of intimacy with the Lord Jesus, We are built for fellowship with God, and anything else is just “treading water.” Nothing satisfies, except Him present.

When I’m filled with hopelessness, I often find myself filling the emptiness with anything I can find. This usually leads to even more “sadness” and deadness inside.

When I ponder my hopelessness I feel like giving up. I simply don’t want to take another step into the doldrums of what my life has become. I despair that life will continue its “suffering grind.”

Joy is what I must have to survive, “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Neh. 8:10). I don’t have to dwell in the grey drabness of hopelessness. My heart can find a reason to “sing to the Lord.”

The Holy Spirit understands our “brokenness.” Jesus is interceding for us at this very moment, and I can rise above this tedious “mess” I have made for myself. This is the only way out for me. Depression is a form of suffering. I give this to Him.

ybic, Bryan

 

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About Pastor Bryan Lowe

A repentant rascal with definite issues, but who is seeking to be authentic in his faith to Jesus Christ. An avid reader and a hopeful writer. Husband and father. A pastor and Bible teacher. A brain tumor survivor. Diagnosed with clinical depression, epilepsy, and now disabled. Enjoys life, such as it is, in Alaska.
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2 Responses to Monotony

  1. tina says:

    Everyone needs to find their own way in this life. It helps to know we have a helper. When I get depressed I usually just tough it through by myself. I struggle with my faith a lot. Its not that I don’t believe just that it gets unbearably lonely. One of the bad things about bipolar is that you don’t want to share out of embarrassment or rejection then have a tendency to push away loved ones or ruin relationships.

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  2. Asher says:

    True. Depression is a form of grief, a feeling of loss (loss of hope for example). The Bible talks often about it, using different terms for it. In one place, Solomon calls it a crushed spirit: “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones” (Pro. 17:22).

    Because the joy of the Lord is our strength and because we must have vision or purpose to walk with God in His purpose for our lives, the Bible seems convinced that it is not God’s will for anyone to suffer from depression or ongoing grief. Isaiah calls it in one place, a spirit of heaviness, and Jesus quoted the passage, saying that He came to deliver people from such a fate. In Isaiah’s passage, we see depression (heaviness) contrasted with praise (purpose, vision, genuine and fulfilled hope): “[He has sent Me] to give them beauty (restoration) for ashes (loss), a garment of praise (restored purpose) for a spirit of heaviness (depression, loss of purpose)” (61:3).

    Since depression/grief (heaviness) is the opposite of purpose (praise, hope, a good outlook on life: “The plans I have for you [are] to give you a future and hope” — Jer. 29:11), we can be sure that God desires to heal or deliver those who struggle with depression (darkness) which is darkness or a loss of vision, hope, and light (a way forward). I hope this blesses someone.

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