“Unstable as water, you shall not have preeminence.”
“Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he “followed Him at a distance” on dry land.” (Mark 14:54)
Peter was bold, rash, and impulsive. That explains so much. It also describes a people who are often morally and spiritually “out-of-control”. This can startle us, but as we think on it we must admit a certain attachment to it. The impulsiveness symptom describes much of our actions, and our personal direction. We are something of a “loose cannon’ and we can deeply frighten people who know us.
Those of us who struggle with mental illness must often deal with impulsiveness. We find ourselves turning so quickly. We do those things which will later destroy us. Self-destruction is so close to us. It’s like we are “playing” ‘Russian Roulette,’ (but we seem to like it, we would have it no other way).
But our soul is constantly loved and watched over.
He cares for us as a Father cares for His son. As mortals we make a lot of choices. Some maybe godly, many are not. We often find ourselves out of control, because we choose so poorly. We act impulsively or rashly, and we try to negate the Grace of our God. We know it is wrong (so much cries out against it) but we do it anyway, no matter what. We are often ashamed of our impulsiveness.
There is a lot out there, that will side-track us. So many choices, and opportunities. And the Deceiver will parade them all in front of us. Sin is as seductive as we let it be. I remember a friend saying, “It can’t take me if I don’t want to go.” It’s up to us to develop a commitment to what we know is true.
But impulsiveness will tear us apart. When it resides in our heart, it will eventually destroy us. It’s like uncontrolled nuclear fission within us, it takes over. We will find ourselves out-of-control, it seems to take us beyond human help. Once we are in this state, we are completely unreasonable.
We think we are just spontaneous people. But our decision-making is dangerous.
But in my impulsiveness, I can often see His faithfulness.
It seems as we choose the worst we’re degraded us the most. We make these sudden decisions without the Spirit’s guidance. They take us to places we otherwise never dare to go. We find ourselves in an ugly and lost depravity. We chose wrongly, and usually without considering the results of our choice.
When we are impulsive, we are like a ship without an anchor. We go with the wind and the current, pushed along and directed by no one. We think we are spontaneous, when all we are only desperately foolish. We turn to our crew, but they just accept whatever the captain directs. We’ve chosen to sail into forbidden waters.
We face the reality of being ship-wrecked.
As a mentally ill person, I simply can’t direct myself in a God honoring way apart from His active hand. I’m a just ‘a kid out of school’– unable to understand the eternal issues at stake. Instead of abandoning myself to the vacillating foolishness of my heart, I determine I choose the solidity of the Spirit.
I refuse to degrade and destroy myself by my wrong choices. The Holy Spirit keeps comforting and encouraging me, all with an endurance and persistence far beyond my reasoning. He is relentless in His pursuit of me. In my impulsiveness, I can often see His faithfulness. He has it within Himself to free us from these forces that would tear me apart.