The Consuming Weariness of It All

“For my life is full of troubles,
    and death draws near.”

Psalm 88:3

There is often a dull and desperate tedium among us– especially those among us with profound mental and physical issues.  It never lets up, and the grind is constant.  The sheer exertion is most unwanted.  Depression, confusion, paranoia, and mania weave in and out of our life.  They seem to have ‘moved in’ with us.  And, they intend to stay.

There can be a hopelessness present–an ugly realization that there is no hope for today, and that tomorrow will not be any different.  It seems we are always standing on the outside looking in. Some consider ending it all rather than live without hope. It is a terrible ‘frame-of-mind.’

Contained in the scriptures are many stories, and parables about wedding feasts and king’s banquets.  One one occasion, somebody wheedles his way in to the party.  And he is strongly confronted.  They bind his hands and feet, carry him out.  He is thrown out into the “outer darkness.”  The charge prompting this was his attire, it was all wrong.  He wasn’t dressed for the wedding. He did not belong there.

“But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. 12 And he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. 13 Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ 14 For many are called, but few are chosen.”

Matthew 22:11-14, ESV

Many have given into their despair, they now reside in “the outer darkness.”  They are no longer dressed for the banquet. Now I admit that mental illness and discipleship don’t always blend well together.  But the Father understands and he increases his deposit of grace to make up for this deficiency. He doesn’t treat his beloved sons equally. Extra grace is given to the chronically ill.

Those who limp are given extra help as they follow Him.

God has created us for a wedding feast. And it is with confidence that we look forward to this feast, for in Christ we will not be found naked but clothed in the white garments of His righteousness.  He took my dirty and filthy clothes and exchanged them for his own white ones.  We wear his gift, and Oh, what a wonder we are!

“I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God!
      For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation
      and draped me in a robe of righteousness.
   I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit
      or a bride with her jewels.”

Isaiah 61:10, NLT

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Author: Pastor Bryan Lowe

A repentant rascal with definite issues, but who is seeking to be authentic in his faith to Jesus Christ. An avid reader and a hopeful writer. Husband and father. A pastor and Bible teacher. A brain tumor survivor. Diagnosed with clinical depression, epilepsy, and now disabled. Enjoys life, such as it is, in Alaska.