“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”
The broken believer survives because he or she is constantly having to move toward “authenticity.” There exists a credibility and a realness about them. Talking you’ll suddenly realize that you’re talking with someone who is real. They’ve stepped out of the wreckage and have survived their personal catastrophes. This doesn’t come easy; it is a rarity and a gift.
On the other hand, we see those wrapped up in so much self-imposed deception that can’t admit anything is wrong. Like the problem drinker who denies he has a problem, we can’t handle the reality and drink to alter it. The addicted are compelled to live a delusion of their own choices, (for the most part anyway) and discover they are hopelessly trapped. And so we hide under our favorite bush. (Euphoria was my favorite.)
“When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
It really is a matter of esse quam videri (“to be rather than seem to be”– Saint Gregory.) We would rather be “seeming to be” than actually just “be.” The sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve are still using “fig leaves.” We don’t want to deal with the truth about ourselves and face the sin of our lives. But it seems to be more than that.
The struggler and the broken believer may try to conceal themselves. They may hold up an image that deflects the curious onlooker from seeing the real them. We won’t deal with the truth, and we choose to hide ourselves. We want to be seen as “together” even if we are not. It is all about looking good. This is pretense and sham. We dodge and deflect.
“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.”
This was Jesus’ indictment of the human heart. I wish it was otherwise.
Each day I must put to death my old self. Take my meds, and ask the Lord for strength to become real. No more pretense, and no more projecting a false self to others (and myself.) I choose reality over fantasy.
The Holy Spirit is eagerly waiting to fill me. In this I discover I can live well with the strength and joy He gives me.
“The God who can change a sinner into a Christian by giving him His life can equally transform the fleshly Christian into a spiritual one by giving him His life more abundantly.”
“Lord Jesus, may it be that the real me meets the real you. Make me real and authentic. Amen.”
3 thoughts on “To Be, Rather Than Seem to Be”
I ´m not well at all and I don’t put on a mask as I sometimes did in the passed,but talking to others,because its so overwhelming and hard for me cause of my mental health makes me suffer so much inside of me, that pepole,friends,my own daugther just run away from me and it hurts so much not to be understood.Yes,it could be hard and become boring for the person around us,but living this hell,well I have a hard time to talk about other things! If it would be cancer, I ´m sure that I would not be pushed away like this and its something that I just spoke about this evening with my daugther! She does not understand and doesn’t want to hear Anything about my health .It has come a point that being sick,I live great Gulit and Shame about my life ,that I have a hard time to see my adult children face to face.Its as if I just want to melt away before them so badly because of this great burden of shame ,but that ofcoarse I don’t show it. I do my best to keep on,do my work at home,when I don’t have any pain,I try to do abit of jogging the times that I am abit better. I have alot of ups and downs,but now since a couple of monthes there are much much more downs. (To much downs I must say)
Well its a day at a time!
I would just love to feel the presence of the Lord and ofcoarse to be touched and healed!
I understand Tina. My only living sibling throws my past conduct in my face and uses it as grounds to keep all of the inheritance our mother left for her children. As if I wanted this. I too am not proud of my past, but I’m better now than I was in my younger years. Addiction is a disease and not a choice. People who do not have an addictive personality do not understand. And your so right about being able to see the illness. Due to that fact, most people think we are just evil and out of our minds, as if we really have a choice. I never hurt anyone but myself. I believe it was due to a childhood trauma, at least that is what the experts are saying. God Bless you!
Thank you very much for your reply.
I am not sure,but do you suffer from Borderline Personnalite Disorder ( which it is something very hard to deal with,and that we almost can say that know one understands us)
Last week,going through really ruff times,i started to search for anwers,to help me figure out what is going on with me.All my life I spent my time asking hundrens of times a day forgiveness to God for my sins.From 16,17 years old up to today at 51 years old.
I started really my down fall 15 years ago by cutting myself badly that is still a big problem with me.
Hospitals,electrochocs,medications,therapies,prayer,prayer,prayer…and nothing getting better.
Being haunted in my head ,day after day,that I am a mean person,and that everything is all my fault,expecailly that I am a Christain.Feeling and believing up to today that I am not a good Christain! That hurts me so much because its not that ,that I want to be,depression,cutting.I ´ m a big Rollercoaster of emotions!!!
I can’t take it anymore,this guilt that is always clued to me.
So I started to look up on internet and really know what is BLP really is ,even if t I was told 15 years ago that I suffer severe BLP, plus OCD ( intrusive thoughts) and its as suffering as BLP.
I saw some short video ´s that really explain BLP It was me all the way and even my husband was saying the same thing.
While looking at theses videos it did take off a bit of guilt,because they say that it is not our fault.
There are short videos that you.can look at that there are Dr explaining where this comes from and YES, childhood trauma is the cause and the Dr explain it very well.
I know that I learned alot and understand a bit more what is happening and hope each day that the Lord heals and delievers me from all of this.I believe in miracles.
I found on internet ,there is a Christain site that talks about Christains with BLP and they give help,
Heres a video that you can look at and you will see on the right side that there are many other video about BLP.
This is a Christain video .The only Christain one I saw,but there are many others to look at ,as you wish.
My Borderline Personnality Disorder and Christain Faith (video)
I hope I helped you abit and give me some news,please!
Thew what you are living and going through,may our Lord Jesus-Christ give you all the strenght you need.May He Bless You and Let His Face Shine Apon You!
My great desire in my heart of coarse is to be healed but I also I want to shine for our Lord and one day really help the suffering,cause by going threw great despair,I will be able to understand,and have compassion and not juge the person :))
God Bless! Tina🌻
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