People will sometimes ask me, “What its like to be a Christian and to have a mental illness?” I’m not entirely sure I can really answer, but I do try. It seems almost always there are misconceptions, or even a stigma attached to their curiosity. But here goes.
It’s like I’m a ‘giraffe on roller skates’, It seems like I’m always lurching and tottering— always on the verge of total collapse. (It’s a wonder I’m even ‘standing.’) Careening from one side to another, I’m aware that I’m becoming quite the spectacle, and I imagine I hear whispers about the ‘splash’ I’m making today.
I’m uneasy and unsure. (Am I being inappropriate?) I seem to speak too loud and pressured, I feel conspicuous; like I’m slightly inebriated at a party of Mormons. I’m aware of nervous glances and uneasy whispers.
Welcome to the world of bipolar mania.
I have a mental illness. ‘Rapid cycling’ bipolar disorder is my particular ‘flavor.’ I’m on meds (and have been for some time) but it only seems to do is to take of edge off— but I’m grateful for even that small mercy. Over time I’ve been able to accrue some coping mechanisms. Identifying my paranoia and random delusions is simple ‘Bipolar 101’. It has become the present state of my world. I don’t always do it well— but I do ”do it’. (And I take my lithium daily.)
There is a learning curve to all of this. It must be discovered. I have tried ‘avoidance tactics’, and I suppose most of the time they seem prudent. But life can’t really be lived cloistered in your room. That is safe, but also very dull. The isolation becomes more toxic than ‘the spectacle.’
Being a disciple of Jesus Christ, and having bipolar disorder creates some problems. I’m aware of the incongruity. But my faith often uses these issues I face; they propel me closer to Him.
Being ‘broken’ has become a real blessing.
28 “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 11:28-29, NLT
The promise of Jesus is for those who carry extra weights (like mental or physical illness). It’s for those whose ‘cheese has slipped off their cracker.’ It’s for giraffes on roller skates. Anything we bear is endurable, and easy. He carries us far beyond every weight and every burden. He alone gives rest to the troubled, and real peace to those troubled by their souls.
30″ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
(verse 30).
What Jesus actively does is to puncture my pride, and then release His spirit and grace over me. But He also makes things ‘light’. The reality is that I bear nothing. All that He does is ‘light’. My blundering is seen and never belittled. But His grace only gets revealed in my weakness.
God does seem to turn our weaknesses into strengths for Him! My bipolar has estranged me from the church as a young woman, but God never left me. He used my wandering years to strengthen my faith. Now in mid-life, He uses me in ways I could never have imagined. My calling is Prayer Ministry and my being just a bit removed from everyone has it’s advantages. I am quite social by nature, but God has called me to something quite different from my natural inclinations. I wouldn’t change it for anything. My struggles with depression and suicide and mania have only strengthen my reliance on God. “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengths me” is my mantra!!
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Hello Brian I’d like to tell u a bit about my journey as it may help someone going through similar experiences I m alan Robert stewart from Glasgow I’m forty years of age W I was born with spina bifida in 1975 and when they told my mum she decided to have me anyway for which I’m r. Grate full for I had to have a life saving op at birth as a result of this the docs didn’t have much hope it was touch and go but it was my only chance so I had the oo p they didn’t know how it would turn out whether I would b in a chair or have callipers or what the damage would b Done a summing I would come through it anyway I lived due to the grace of God and I came on the of it pretty well as the years went on I started walking unaided and pretty much went on to live my life with a loving family around me they hav been mazing throughout Especially my mum she s the besmum in the world every thing was pretty normal I went to a main stream school my mother made sure of that bless her but she had to fight to do so and I’m so proud of her for that it forgetting my father to who also pushed for ir anyway due to the spina bifida I was incontinent quite severely which meant I wore a pad all day and every day si it was ma manageabile At primary school as kids didn’ my notice much and I had a normal time we’ll as normal as possible I was always kepclean by mum and o new I was differance any way I was in an out the hospital as a kid trying to stretch my bladder and stuff si o that was fine I was well looked after then as I got older a about ten years of age the devil played his card again and I went a bit messed up b Again The it was off to secondary school I managed fine but I was when I was 24 I think I had my next encounter wiv God s mercy I was stabbed in the head after a nite out it penetrative my brain a nd left me fighting for my life again oi ended up in a coma for a while I don’t know if iwasgods help again pulled me through it on fact it was I’m sure of it Any way I Needed alk hos belt to recover and fight the battle I was now facing u see I was left paralysed down the left n hand side from head to foot and had a big fight to be able to walk again also my speech had been affected on a big way and I had to get it back so l asked god to give me the strength to do it the best I could it took a long while fighting to get fit ter and that in fact it’s sixteen tars later and I’m still getting there I walk wiv a limp nut wak iunaided it s nowhere near perfect and ive got my problems wiv it But it’s a dam site better than it could hav been and I thank the Lord for it after a few years I was diagnosed with schizophrenia andwentl through the most in believe able he’ll wiv voices and hallucinations which I thought were the illness o was in hospital a few years back when this started and saw at thside of my bed the shroud of Christ or jess then I could c old father time and I also saw the devil turn towards me in a ball on it was crazy u thought I was going crazy at the time but now I know I did really c that After a while I put it to the back if ny mind and thought I was ill but this thinking about this is happening to often and now I feel s of the people can hear me blessing the children and disable folk everyone really through my mind and folk are reacting to me Music plays a big part in it to it helped me come through all this by listening to it the rise of the phoenix Then came to my mind don’t j ow where I got it from but I looked it up and it explained a lot of what was happening that’s when u knew I wasn’t going mad it was songs and TV referring to my life or what sounded like my life il not go right into it I would not b able to write it in an email but god is working his miracles again and l the devils trying to stop him in it he will never beat me god is to strong in my heart he’s been trying a long time now but il never let it happen I would rather die for my cause and u feel it is to make the world A better place for our children and the Bad things like war and all the crimes of the world from stop to make it a better place for all no matter what it race or religion is we all humans and should b equal
Sent from Samsun I
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Thank you.
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