Ramblings of a Broken Believer [Weakness]

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“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”   

— C.S. Lewis

I think I am often a creature of habit, far more than I’d like to admit. I rather think we choose our habits and inclinations.  They, in turn, decide our paths.  But I suppose we give ourselves too much credit, to decide and direct.  Simply put, we are not that big. I honestly don’t think we have the power to steer our lives the way we like. That is what I’m thinking about today.

Somebody once told me, “The purpose of life is not to find your freedom, but to find your master.”  I don’t live that way, at least my inner propensity does not include God.  Did you ever think something like this?  “I wish God did not exist.  I want to be in charge, and I want to do, how I want to do, when I want to do it!”

Living it all with no rules and no accountability! Somehow I still seem to find myself sitting on my throne. I like this!

But as we get older, our hair goes gray and we look in the mirror and see bags and wrinkles, we realize how vulnerable and how tenuous life really is.  If we are honest and sufficiently self-aware, we understand that we will never be able to seize control of the known universe.

“Life is what happens while you are making other plans,” John Lennon observed.  It seems that reality springs on you, and you have this bolt out of the blue that shocks you to the core.  Life has happened, and you didn’t even realize it.

I sometimes look at myself in the mirror, not in vanity, but in steady amazement.  The ugly tattoos, and the ‘track marks’ are from another life. I have scars on my wrists from a couple of suicide attempts.  I have an amazing surgical zipper scar from a brain tumor.  I have severe ataxia that makes me walk with a cane. I have lost the use of my right hand in an accident. But I am also learning how to be broken.  And everything that has happened has happened for a reason.

C.S. Lewis once said, “Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn.”   I sense that he did learn, otherwise he couldn’t have said that.

Re-reading this I decided that I ramble a lot.  Forgive me.  Maybe there is scrap or two in it for someone.

“I came to you in weakness—timid and trembling.”

1 Corinthians 2:3

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Published by Bryan Lowe

Not a 'bone of meanness' in him.

4 thoughts on “Ramblings of a Broken Believer [Weakness]

  1. If you are unsure about where you will end up when you die, I have really good news for you – salvation is a FREE GIFT! You can find your free gift of salvation in discovering who Jesus Christ is and what He accomplished for you. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved! He is the only true Savior of the world.

    Isaiah 55:6 KJV
    6 Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:

    The Biblical fact that salvation is a free gift, is really good news. However, to better understand why it is such good news, we must first come to the realization that we are a sinner in need of a Savior. The fact is we all sin. Regardless of how well we may understand the difference between right and wrong, we cannot always do that which is right, and never do that which is wrong. This is a big problem because God is perfect and heaven is a perfect place, so nothing can get into heaven that would defile it in any way. If we want to get into heaven we must be perfect (sinless) and none of us are. The Bible indicates that the wages of sin is death. Since we all sin, we all die. If we do not go to heaven when we die, then we will go to hell. God is Holy, and because of His righteousness, He must be just and punish sin. Unfortunately, no matter how hard we try, we cannot make ourselves perfect (sinless). Therefore, we cannot save ourselves from going to hell and from the punishment for our sins. We need God to save us.

    The great news is that although God hates our sin because it hurts us, hurts others, and separates us from Him; He loves us and made a way for us to be with Him in heaven.

    John 3:16 KJV
    16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    Jesus Christ, who is God, God the Son, manifested in the flesh and was made in the likeness of men. He was born of a virgin and lived a perfect sinless life – which proves that He is God because only God can do that. Since He did not sin, He did not have to die. However, He went to the cross and shed His precious blood for the remission of our sins. I declare unto you the gospel (1 Corinthians 15:1-4), how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; and that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures. Although Jesus was without sin and did not have to die, He suffered and died for the sins of the whole world. That includes your sins! He loves you so much that died for all your past, present, and future sins so that you can be saved. The fact that He died, proves that He was delivered for the penalty of our sins. The fact that He was buried, proves that His death was a real death. The fact that He resurrected in bodily form on the third day, proves that He satisfied the required penalty for our sins and defeated death. To be saved, all He wants is for you to believe that He did that for you. Do you trust that He actually did that for you? If so, then you are forgiven and all of your sins are covered by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. In which case, there are no longer any sins that you can be sent to hell for, and you are saved FOREVER! The Bible says that God is love (1 John 4:8). God proved this to be true when He, Christ Jesus, suffered and died for the sins of the whole world; as that was the ultimate act of love.


  2. I am finding this brokenness business a strange animal. It leads to a surrender which has made so much of my struggle a joke. I found strangely enough that when I quit fighting so hard that many, though not all, of my chains just fell off. Weird, huh? I told God today that He can just have it all, whatever is left of this life, it’s His. Wonder what He’ll do with it. Thanks again for your candid posts, it helps so much to learn that there are others out there who have battle raging within and I am not alone.

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  3. Bryan, I don’t think this rambled at all. And it was just what I needed to hear today. Especially this, “I am learning how to be broken. And everything that has happened has happened for a reason.”

    On the subject of C.S. Lewis quotes, earlier this year I bought a book called “The Quotable Lewis.” It’s about 600 pages of nothing but Lewis quotes with info on which book or essay they come from. Sometimes I just sit down and peruse what he had to say. Peace, Linda

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