Hope in My Pocket

It was a long cold winter that year. I felt sure it would never end. The sun finally emerged one day, but it was still a bit cool so I pulled out my favorite yellow spring jacket. I reached into the pocket and to my surprise I found a $20 bill. I must have known it was there at one time because I most likely put it there. But it had been a long winter, a long time since it was warm enough to wear that jacket. Even though I didn’t know it, that $20 bill was there all along just waiting for me to find it again.

Sometimes hope is like that $20 bill. We have it and we know it, but in the long hard winters of life we forget about it. The winter can be so long and so cold that we lose all memory of hope. But even though we forget, hope is there all along just waiting for us to find it again.

I struggled a long time with the pain of fibromyalgia. I had no hope that I would feel well. God reminded me to fear not for hope was still there.

I despaired for five years because of underemployment. I had little hope of securing and being able to keep a full-time job. God reminded me to fear not for hope was still there.

I felt despondent for what seemed like forever over the loss of my mother. And later my father. I had no hope of feeling joy again. God reminded me to fear not for hope was still there.

I traveled the long road of despair and depression, stemming from trauma to bitter to forget. For over a decade I was certain I would be broken forever. God reminded me to fear not for hope was still there.

Recently, I have been in anguish over the state of our world, the corruption and greed, the violence and sickness, that seem to rule the day. Is there any hope for a better world? God reminds us to fear not for hope is still here.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

Romans 5:3-5 NLT.

We may forget our hope in the long cold winters of life, but our hope—our God—is still here with us. Some of what we hope for we will not see until we reach heaven. But some of what we hope for is sitting in the pocket of our yellow spring jacket waiting for us to find it again.

Author: Linda L. Kruschke

I am a Jesus Freak, and I don't care who knows it. I write candid memoir and fearless poetry, and delve into hard issues others tend to avoid. I want others to know God’s redemption and healing are just a story away.

5 thoughts on “Hope in My Pocket”

  1. Oh! Thank you Linda for sharing this,your story, your sufferings.
    I too suffer of fibromyalgia. Just living this is very hard but now my Doctor found me a medication that helps alot for the pain. Thank God because the pain was bad.I though live for so many years now ,alot of fatigue.
    Its been so hard for me for so many years. I suffer so much in my mind , living with mental illness. Living with so much guilt and shame of who I am! Its very hard to love myself.Its so hard to see the light,the peace,the joy of the Lord!
    It says all the time in my head this voice that what is going on with me is all my fault. That I am a mean person…etc….That I am a bad Christian! So many things makes me so so scared and to be really honest, I am even afraid of God!!
    When things get worse in my head,I am so scared that all is my fault that I start reading on internet, for example, about my OCD ( intrusive thoughts) and when reading about it, tells me,Oh! My! That is what is going on with me etc….I try to prove myself that its the sickness that is playing with my mind! The time I read it helps abit to fell less guilty, but it doesn’t last long. My husband often tries to make me understand that I am sick and no,its not my fault!!
    What about my struggles about cutting myself?? ( This comes and goes and then comes back again)
    My body is so cut at so many places. Its bad,but its been so many many years that I come back to this cutting.
    I keep telling my husband how much I am a very bad testimony.A bad Christian. He keeps on telling me that I am sick.
    I pass time with the Lord but of course it’s alot about repentance and repentance, over and over again.
    I what God’s love in me,His peace,joy.His light to shine in me so that I could be a light for others too!
    I just feel that I am drowning in quick sand .I am paralyzed with so much fear of everything thing!
    Where is my faith in the Lord!
    Today,listening to women of faith,who loves the Lord so much,that puts there faith on to the Lord and that they are able to trust in Him, well it makes me feel worse because, I would like to be that way, but I just don’t know how. I try and try and I am just not able to reach and touch Faith.Putting my faith completely on the Lord and stop getting upset, worried……all the time!
    My horrible guilt and shame.I feel so worthless, tired, drained, judged, still cutting again,need so much sleep,scared of God,hating myself badly,feelings of hopelessness!!! But threw all of this,I love the Lord,even if my mind is telling me the opposite!
    Reading what you posted Linda, helped me because I don’t feel alone .I must believe that yes! There is still hope in the Lord even if I don’t feel it,and that I have a hard time to understand or believing it.
    I know, that I am a mess. I am a Broken Believer !

    I hope I didn’t disturbed anyone about things I wrote.If so, I am so sorry.

    Thank you Linda K

    Tina Morneau

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    1. Tina, Dear one, I am so sorry for your struggles and pain. This life can be so hard. I want you to know that you are not worthless. You are worth more than all the gold and jewels in the world to Jesus. You are not alone. He is with you even when you don’t feel like He is. And we here at Broken Believers care about you too. I am thankful that your husband is there to remind you that you are valuable, even if you are sick. If you have faith the size of a mustard seed (which is very tiny), and I know you do because you wouldn’t have taken the time to write this comment if you didn’t, then that is enough to sustain you. I will be praying for you. I don’t always understand why God allows such suffering in some lives. But I do know that He loves you. I’m glad this post was a blessing to you. Linda K.

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      1. Oh! Thank you so much Linda for taking the time and love that you have,to write to me and encourage me.
        This means alot to me.
        Thank you that you will take the time to pray for me.
        Its very nice of you.
        May the Lord bless you dearly 🙏

        Tina

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  2. The winters of life often seem long and yes hard to remember sometimes we have a hope more so than others who have no Savior in their lives.
    James 1:2-4
    Trials and Temptations
    Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

    For me this time is a time to reflect on my life and to grow in my faith finding new hope new life waiting for spring to come to revive my broken life.

    Thank you for your posts.

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