A Broken Christmas

My friend, JD, passed away earlier this month.

And I feel like I am reading the same script over and over again.  I’ve lost count of how many loved ones I’ve lost.  I try to believe the promises of our Father.  I do.  I try.  Though grief has clouded my vision before — each time, actually — things are different for me this time.

It’s not because people don’t know what to say.  It’s not because I’ve endured disappointment from The Church, either.  And it’s not because I cannot make sense of yet another loss that, to me, makes no sense at all.

Divine wisdom defies human logic.  That much I’m sure.  And I suppose I have gotten used to that part.

But, I do feel like a boxer getting pummelled in a corner — and the crowd is cheering.

In my constant quest to find comfort, I have encountered endless tales written by those who claim to have been broken.  And, if I am honest, I have seen some such people — in fact, many — dress up their testimonies with a grandiose glaze.  They cite, in scant detail, only the most necessary ingredients of their story, discussing their difficulties like a waiter runs through the specials of the day; it’s a matter of procedure, of training.  And instead of a passionate conviction of faith, I am fed a false ideology, an idolatry that foolishly demands the will of God bend to our own comfort in a fallen world.

But such grandiose testimonies alienate those of who are broken.  We are isolated, and there are times I feel as though I have a deadly, contagious disease; it’s as if people cannot bear the thought of enduring what cannot be endured.  I have not overcome the odds at all. 

Our suffering is constant, and our struggles cannot be resolved with a delightful dressing.  We do not hide from our pain, nor our anguish.  When we are willing to accept our suffering — and I certainly am a most unwilling student — we do so because we know Christ Himself has suffered; He took no shortcuts to His Crown, and neither can we.

Published by Absolutely Nobody

Only too late would I learn the truths behind the lies.

4 thoughts on “A Broken Christmas

  1. I think it’s quite hard to expose our weaknesses publicly. I have to develop trust with my “audience” before I can expose my vulnerabilities in depth. I think bloggers who have been at this longer may feel more confident about sharing to this extent.

    I have less trouble sharing in person the harder truths, but again, I do have to feel that the person is trustworthy if I’m going to confide really intimate personal matters.


  2. This is when a person wants to avoid like the plage going to a church that starts out with ” Are you feeling bad? Well now lets just shout glory! bla bla bla…” I have found much heart felt deep comfort resting and meditating during the liturgy of a
    Orthodox or Catholic service . One thing people have bin trained to do is try to deny their humanity instead of bringing your broken humanity to him where he can touch us where we are at.


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: