humor, satire – Page 6 – Broken Believers

Sunday Funnies: More of the Mysterious

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there … I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
Wouldn’t it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can’t you get a tan on your palms?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver’s license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don’t take off the price if you get something taken off?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it’s 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off?
Is sign language the same in languages other than English?
If all of the Acme stuff doesn’t work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?
Since there is a rule that states “i” before “e” except after “c”, wouldn’t “science” be spelled wrong?
If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later?
What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
When you see the weather report and it says “partly cloudy” and then the next day it says “partly sunny”; what’s the difference?
Why is the St. Louis baseball team the cardinals, but the Missouri state bird is the blue bird?
Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals?
Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
How come wine and hard liquor doesn’t come in cans, but beer does?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Don’t you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their “practice” ?
Why do people never say “it’s only a game” when they’re winning?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Can blind people see their dreams?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

The Imponderables: Sunday Funnies

Do the different “M&M’s”® colors taste different?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out”?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why is it that when a person tells you there’s over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there’s wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in water, smell when they pop?
Do stuttering people stutter when they’re thinking to themselves?