Tigger Goes to a Therapist

A Therapists Consultation: TIGGER

(Winnie the Pooh’s Irrepressible Friend.)

Diagnosis:

Attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD): Tigger’s continual bouncing, hyperactivity and irresponsible attitude cause problems for him and those with whom he lives, as well as those he interacts with in the wider community.

Physical presentation:

Rarely sits still. He’s always running, climbing, or fidgeting.

Diet:

Having tried – and firmly rejected – honey, haycorns and thistles, Tigger settles on extract of malt as his food of choice. While this particular substance is unlikely to exacerbate his condition, a more balanced diet would almost certainly benefit him and perhaps contribute to an improvement in his behaviour.

Family background:

No information is available on Tigger’s life before his arrival at Pooh’s house. Nothing is known of his previous address or his family of origin, although it has been said that he is the only Tigger.

Patient notes:

Tigger’s arrival at Pooh’s house in the middle of the night is evidence of his inability to control his impulses. A less disordered individual would have known that it is more appropriate to visit people during the day, especially when dropping in on someone one scarcely knows or has never met.

Impulsive behaviour, interrupting and intruding are at the heart of Tigger’s problems. Soon after their first meeting, for example, Tigger suddenly interrupted Pooh, climbed on to the table, wrapped himself in his host’s tablecloth and brought everything crashing to the floor.

When questioned by Pooh about his behavior, rather than accepting responsibility for his actions, Tigger accused the tablecloth of trying to bite him. Tigger makes bold statements, such as declaring that he is only bouncy before breakfast. He proclaims impulsively that whatever food he is offered is what Tiggers like best, then gulps down large mouthfuls of the food in question, only to find he dislikes it very much.

More evidence of Tigger’s recklessness and poor impulse control is displayed by his belief that he can do anything. He has no sense of fear or responsibility. This was apparent when he climbed up a high tree with Roo on his back before he had ascertained whether he was able to climb a tree in the first place. Inevitably, they then got stuck when he realised he had no idea of how to get down.

On one occasion, Tigger grabbed Roo’s medicine from Kanga, which he proceeded to swallow, almost devouring the spoon as well. Obviously the medicine might have proved dangerous to him. Tigger never learns from his mishaps, bouncing back almost immediately after a frightening and potentially hazardous incident. As a result, Tigger’s behaviour causes concern to those around him.

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Living with someone suffering from ADHD can be trying. Perhaps this is why Rabbit suggested the rather extreme measure of taking Tigger into the forest and losing him in the mist. Rabbit and his friends believed the shock of being lost might cause Tigger to calm down a little on his return, a strategy that backfired, however.

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Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

 

 “A cheerful heart is good medicine,
    but a broken spirit saps a        person’s strength.”

Proverbs 17:22, NLT

SCHIZOPHRENIA

– Do You Hear What I Hear?

 

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY

– We Three Kings Disoriented Are

 

DEMENTIA

– I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas

 

NARCISSISTIC

– Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

 

BIPOLAR MANIA

– Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town …or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

 

PARANOIA

– Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me

 

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

– You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

 

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE

– Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock…

 

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

– On the First Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to M(and then took it all away).

 

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Christians Changing Light Bulbs

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?


Charismatics:
Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals:
Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of  darkness.

Presbyterians:
None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic:
None. Candles only.

Baptists:
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians:
Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons:
Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists:
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene:
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans:
None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish:
What’s a light bulb?

Quirky Latin Phrases– Thin Humor

You just never know when your ability to speak Latin might come in handy.  These will pretty much impress your friends. And they certainly are more useful then learning to speak “Klingon” (which is pretty much restricted to “Star Trek” conventions. Thank God.)

Phrases that are good to know…

 

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
If you can read this you’re over-educated.

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I’m not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let’s all wear mood rings!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

flourishx

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This and more can be found at: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2fy14Z/web.mit.edu/afs/athena.mit.edu/user/d/r/dryfoo/www/Funny-pages/handy-latin.html

The Gift of Caffeine

Some funny sayings I like:

My blood type is Folgers.  ~Author Unknown
All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person.  ~Author Unknown
Do I like my coffee black?  There are other colors?  ~Author Unknown
Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. ~Author Unknown
Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ~David Letterman
Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ~Bob Irwin
Caffeine isn’t a drug, it’s a vitamin! ~Author Unknown
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the ‘House of Mochas’ forever.
~Author Unknown
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.  ~Author Unknown
I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.  ~John Van Druten
Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.  ~Author Unknown
I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’    ~Jim Carrey
Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.    ~Edward Abbey
Give a frontiersman coffee and tobacco, and he will endure any privation, suffer any hardship, but let him be without these two necessaries of the woods, and he becomes irresolute and murmuring. –  U.S. Army Lt. William Whiting, 1849

Send me your favorite “coffee quote”! -Bryan

 

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Five Funny Toons

I hope these five, hand-picked funnies bless you.  Let me know which is your favorite.

‘A cheerful heart is good medicine,
    but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”

Proverbs 17:22, NLT


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More to consider.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, somethings just have to be. LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Psych Humor

I got very depressed so I called and got through to a call center in Pakistan.  When I told them I was suicidal they got all excited and wanted to know if I could drive a truck.


A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Helpline:

 “Hello and welcome to the mental health helpline…

  • If you are Obsessive compulsive, press 1, repeatedly…
  • If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you…
  • If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6…
  • If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and want what you want. Stay on the line so we can  trace your call…
  • If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship…
  • If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press…
  • If you are Manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press…no-one will answer…
  • If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696…
  •  If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line…
  • If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names…
  • If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000…
  • If you have Bipolar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or After the beep. Please wait for the beep…
  • If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later…

 I know this is an old one.  But it is a classic!

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