As we start to wrestle with our embedded issues, we suddenly realize that the battle is in largely inside. Maybe the last few days have been hard, and perhaps we sense a dark presence pressing; and we sometimes wonder if we’ll ever see the light again.
How do unbelievers do it?
As a “born-again” believer, I can get deeply challenged by depression, I simply can’t understand any real life outside of my faith in Jesus. The Holy Spirit meets me, holds me, and speaks peaceful things to me. I’ve been promised things of wonder and of grace.
I’ve discovered that self-pity and discouragement are main ingredients into my excursions through bleakness and sadness. In my more profound journey’s into darkness, I find myself seeing the physical world around me literally drained of color. Everything around me is in “black and white.” (I have been told this is one of many symptoms of depression.)
Charlie Brown seems to hit the proverbial nail on the head.
I sometimes catch myself smiling, and I immediately stop and say, “Wait. I’m very depressed. I can’t be seen smiling, or enjoying a walk on the beach.” Often we choose to act in ways that reinforces our illness. We think we have to be a certain way, stand in another, or even walk around like we’re very gloomy people.
Not true. Sometimes depressed people seem to be the happiest.
Depression is very real. Medication is mandated for many. But truthfully, I see there’s an perverse element of chosen melancholy. Our self-pity works hand-in-hand with our image and identity. It seems we have to be somebody, even if we have to be a crazy person. Weird, I know.
After all, we have to excel at something, don’t we?
I imagine that this blog has been a challenge at times. I write these daily blogs out of my own attitudes, and issues and problems. But there is a “Charlie Brown Depression,” the type where we feel like we must be inconsolable all the time. Just be aware. It’s real.
If while in the pit, and for some reason you think of something that’s funny, go ahead and smile, its okay. I’m learning that things are never as sad or grim as I think, nor are they rosy and joy saturated either. Be real. Be real to yourself. Walk in the truth. And if you should–take your meds, lol.
Maybe Mr. Brown should become our new patron saint of lost causes?
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Broken Believers 
Hallelujah! Glad to be a blessing to you.
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Your message reminded me of the days when I first became a Christian, at age thirteen. I had had no church affiliation and, on becoming a Catholic, I chose St. Jude for a patron saint. I chose him because he is the patron of lost causes. As a senior citizen, when I thought about my choice, I realized that I had been depressed at least since 55 years ago. I believed I was a lost cause because I seemed to displease everyone who crossed my path. Even now, I ask myself, “Is this depression or is it normal sorrow caused by a great loss?” As much as I love Jesus and hope to see Him in Heaven some day, I still feel sad to be living every day without the love and companionship of friends. I do have friends from my Bible study, but I am reluctant to try to expand these friendships because of the way my husband and I live. He is basically an atheist and sometimes makes unfriendly comments about religion even in front of my Christian friends. He is intelligent, industrious, gregarious, and a good provider. As a Catholic young adult, I didn’t expect much more from a man. Most men I knew only went to church because they were required to. We’ve been married over 40 years, and I used to have hope always that ‘things will get better”. Now, it seems I no reason to hope. I haven’t found any new friends in years. I do try to convince myself that I have something to live for, but it seems to be true that the future is bleak. Those who support me will die and leave me alone. There are a few truly Christian women whom I enjoy, but they are 100% sold-out Christians who have little acceptance for the ungodly elements in my family life. In other words, it’s hard for me to find positive thoughts and keep them. So maybe I’m a Charlie Brown. I keep trying to think my way out of it, Meanwhile, I’ll keep reading your blog, hoping to find some guidance onto another path. It IS helpful that you leave messages and that others make meaningful responses. Thanks to all.
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Brother Bryan, your blog and posts are a light in the darkness! Even though you are depressed, you carry on. It is the ‘resilience’ that matters. We cannot see the walk but we can feel and sense the pain through your words. I came to God and Jesus in a prison cell after my first high. The corresponding low allowed me to place my faith in the Holy Spirit. I had tried every other way.
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