Category: advice

Dealing with Arguers

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy”

Hebrews 12:14, TNIV

 

For me personally, someone in my face can be nasty and irritating.  It seems I can never say enough.  I simply don’t get any sense of having “convinced” them of my position or views.  I maintain composure (I try, anyway) and then ignite when its all over.

Inevitably, I start playing the whole ugly argument over and over.  Often, if I feel quite vulnerable, I will enlist my dear wife’s availability.  She comes to my side, where I find the support I wanted.

Intense arguments can derail me from so much.  Going to scripture in this frame of mind does me no good at all.  When I’m in this place, prayer becomes unplugged (kind of like my exercise “treadmill.”)  I sit in my chair and simmer, and occasionally boil over.

What do I need most?

  • Humility
  • Gentleness, and sensitivity
  • Kindness  
  • Pre-planning, or pre-alignment of my heart
  • A sense of humor
  • Renunciation of my “rights” and privileges

 

A lot of things could be added to my quick list, that would be helpful.  Making cookies, or doing new chores also sort out things.  If the issue is more mountain than molehill, find your way to an elder or a pastor.  But whatever you do, it’s best to keep moving.  So much is working to solidify you in one place.  It’s like walking through wet cement! (It’s best not to linger too long, in one place.)

Know this though.  Being in an argument or conflict is not sin.  They may disturb us, but we don’t necessarily have to sin.  Jesus had some whoppers in His day.  He walked into these conflagrations without a diminishing of peace or joy.  He walked out of them the same way.  He can teach us, by showing us how He did it.

Just one more thing (I’m trying hard to write a essay here.)  You don’t hear or read it very often–but, we all are models and examples to someone else.  Our children, neighbors, friends, the bank teller and our gym instructor.  Not that everyone knows of our issue, our frustration.  But that our lives are filled with a “joyous humility.”  I think what hurts me most is that I fear my witness or testimony has been damaged by my words and actions.

God is God of my everything.  He knows what happened.  He knows me, and knows them.  The sin does not impede His vision of you.  When he was on earth, he was never disturbed by any confict.  Today, he is the same.  Disputing with someone else– no problem.  He doesn’t get loose and cut you down in embarassment.  Brilliantly and lovingly, He absorbs all that concerns you.  He is more gentle than you know and kinder than any man, or woman. 

Geriatrics R Us, and Other Thoughts

I’m coming up to 50 and it seems very strange.  I have never gotten old before, so it is an adventure.  I guess for the first time I’m face-to-face with three things.

1)  I am older than most people I meet. 

A few weeks ago I attended the weekly pastor’s meeting for Homer.  I looked around and of the 7-8 pastors/elders I realized I was the oldest present.  It really felt strange.  I am no longer ‘looking to’ but am now ‘looking back’. But I still find myself thinking that old age is always 15 years older than where I am now.

2)  Time has become increasingly valuable. 

For the first time ever, I am operating with the sense that my time is slipping away.  It’s funny but I can’t watch TV anymore, because it uses time up.  It seems foolish to me.  The same with books and magazines.  (I even resent bathing, because of the time involved, lol.)  I get frustrated unlacing my shoes, because time is slipping away.  We think that as we get older, we will have patience.  That is decidedly not the case for me.

3)  I have an eternity with God and His faithful, ahead of me. 

The first two are somewhat automatic, they just seem to come when I am in a certain frame of mind.  But this one, #3,  comes when I pray.  Growing up I always had a fear of death.  Just thinking about it now, makes me a little edgy and anxious.  I need to hold on to the promises and actively anticipate heaven.

Growing old is weird.  Making the different transitions to age-appropriate concepts is a real hoot!  My hair is grey now, and I’m having issues with my hearing and my sight.  I really like to read the obituaries, especially noting the age of the deceased.  I’m also a big baseball fan, and it’s funny but I catch myself thinking that I could be the father of anyone of them.

Time rolls on, whether you like it or not.  It’s best to think about scrapping your earth suit.  Our present bodies are becoming obsolete.  The funny thing is, 100,000 years from now, we will look back at this time on earth and wonder what the heck that was all about. :-)

Journal Entry

There are so many things, small mostly, that we need to pass on.  Life is such a wonder, you can never guess what will happen next.  I think it is to our advantage to learn from each other.  I have found the Book of Proverbs and Ecclesiates to be rich ore just waiting to be dug out.  Get a Bible and see if I’m right or not.  You won’t be disappointed.

Oh, about Proverbs.  There are 31 chapters in that book.  I try to read a chapter a day, and at the end of a month I will have read through the book.  It’s a good habit I think and I’d like to challenge you to try it out.