The Gift of Caffeine

Some funny sayings I like:

My blood type is Folgers.  ~Author Unknown
All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person.  ~Author Unknown
Do I like my coffee black?  There are other colors?  ~Author Unknown
Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. ~Author Unknown
Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ~David Letterman
Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ~Bob Irwin
Caffeine isn’t a drug, it’s a vitamin! ~Author Unknown
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the ‘House of Mochas’ forever.
~Author Unknown
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.  ~Author Unknown
I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.  ~John Van Druten
Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.  ~Author Unknown
I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’    ~Jim Carrey
Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.    ~Edward Abbey
Give a frontiersman coffee and tobacco, and he will endure any privation, suffer any hardship, but let him be without these two necessaries of the woods, and he becomes irresolute and murmuring. –  U.S. Army Lt. William Whiting, 1849

Send me your favorite “coffee quote”! -Bryan

 

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Psych Humor

I got very depressed so I called and got through to a call center in Pakistan.  When I told them I was suicidal they got all excited and wanted to know if I could drive a truck.


A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Helpline:

 “Hello and welcome to the mental health helpline…

  • If you are Obsessive compulsive, press 1, repeatedly…
  • If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you…
  • If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6…
  • If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and want what you want. Stay on the line so we can  trace your call…
  • If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship…
  • If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press…
  • If you are Manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press…no-one will answer…
  • If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696…
  •  If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line…
  • If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names…
  • If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000…
  • If you have Bipolar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or After the beep. Please wait for the beep…
  • If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later…

 I know this is an old one.  But it is a classic!

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Randomly Good Photos

It is said that one picture is worth more than a thousand words.  I chose each one purposefully and with some thought.  I hope they bless. –B

The joy of learning is new to every child

 

What we were, we still are
I want to understand

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1photoeaglecat
Something tells me that this won’t end well

 

This is a real good thing to remember

 

True love will always be risky

 

This would be an excellent fortune cookie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its very difficult to acknowledge an artist or photographer for each of these photos. I found them all online without copyrights or credits. Each one says something to me. I hope you enjoy them.

I will promptly take any down if I discover that there is a copyright issue.

Main Source: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/AebeMm/laylasphotoblog.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

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Chickens Who Cross the Road

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Seldom has such a riddle penetrated our thinking as this issue.  Here is a list that approximates an answer on this very important subject.  (It is helpful to have a working knowledge of philosophy and history, but not really necessary.)

Mohammed Aldouri (Iraqi ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned,because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Emerson: The chicken didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken “crossed” the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Agent Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Ralph Nader: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Plato: For the greater good.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? Where do they get these chickens?”

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Oliver Stone: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

Thoreau: To live deliberately and suck all the marrow out of life.

Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

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