Psych Humor

I got very depressed so I called and got through to a call center in Pakistan.  When I told them I was suicidal they got all excited and wanted to know if I could drive a truck.

A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Helpline:

 “Hello and welcome to the mental health helpline…

• If you are Obsessive compulsive, press 1, repeatedly…
• If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you…
• If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6…
• If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and want what you want. Stay on the line so we can  trace your call…
• If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship…
• If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press…
• If you are Manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press…no-one will answer…
• If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696…
•  If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line…
• If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names…
• If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000…
• If you have Bipolar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or After the beep. Please wait for the beep…
• If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later…

 I know this is an old one.  But it is a classic!

Author: Pastor Bryan Lowe

A repentant rascal with definite issues, but who is seeking to be authentic in his faith to Jesus Christ. An avid reader and a hopeful writer. Husband and father. A pastor and Bible teacher. A brain tumor survivor. Diagnosed with clinical depression, and now disabled. Enjoys life, such as it is, in Alask.a (Actually I have it pretty good.) View all posts by Pastor Bryan Lowe