Broken Heart of Love – A Poem

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This poem was written for someone I love who struggles with bipolar disorder. Though I have suffered through depression, anxiety, and panic attacks myself, I can never truly understand her pain. I want to help, but am at a loss as to what to do. I wanted to share this here so those who suffer from mental illness might know how your suffering breaks the hearts of those who love you but don’t know what to do.

Broken Heart of Love

This searing pain in my heart
I wish it would go away
I pray for it to leave me
But it is love
I would be hollow without it

I watch you drowning
in a sea of turmoil and fear
I reach out my hand,
the one connected to my broken heart
“It’s okay, the sailing’s fine,” you say

I walk away, thinking perhaps
my eyes deceive me and you are not
drowning, or else why
would you say otherwise?
I know you would not lie

But still this pain
deep down inside my aching heart
reminds me
that you are not fine,
the sea is not calm

The storm rages
but I cannot rescue you
You cannot see my hand
reaching through the darkness
beckoning you to dry land

*

ysic, Linda K.

http://lindakruschke.wordpress.com/

Under the Table, [Boldness]

But she said, “Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.”

Matthew 15:27, NASB

This woman has a quick and nimble faith in Jesus.  She will not let go, and the attitude of Jesus only enhances her faith.  She was more then willing to be a dog, if that is what it took.  The children would be served first, and then she could go and get the crumbs.

What is it that you want?  What do you need?  The humility of this woman was impressive.  It was not easily offended or misdirected.  In her desperate need she has no where else to go, and so she lingers, and refuses to be patronized.  She wants the crumbs; the crumbs from His table are far better than the extravagant banquets and feasts of the richest nobleman.

“Not worthy, Lord, to gather up the crumbs
  With trembling hand that from thy table fall,
A weary, heavy laden sinner comes
  To plead thy promise and obey thy call.

“I am not worthy to be thought thy child,
  Nor sit the last and lowest at thy board;
Too long a wanderer, and too oft beguiled,
  I only ask one reconciling word.”

 We are not fed with crumbs, but directly from the table of our heavenly Father.  The Prodigal discovered that his Father was outrageous in His love.  An incredible feast was just a manifestation of that grace.  The feast declares the depth and width of His love.

You and I have become the honored guests.  We do not get crumbs, but we feast at the table with the finest food and wine.  Do we belong?  Only you can answer that.  But access is open to all who by faith receive Jesus as their Savior.  When we do that we get the invitation to the feast.

“Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith!  Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.” 

Matthew 15:28

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Why This Waste? [Extravagance]

JAdore-LOr
J’Adore L’Or: Version Haute Joaillerie Exception – $ 30,000

Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, 7 a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table. 8 And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? 9 For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.”’ 

Matthew 26:6-9, ESV

Chapter 26 is the beginning of the end. This chapter sets up the last week of Jesus which without question his prime purpose of death and resurrection. Matthew sets up this “Anointing at Bethany” as the front door of this final week. The immediate verses prior to this concern themselves with an organized plot by the Jewish leadership to murder Jesus.

There are things to consider:

  • Simon (the leper), Jesus stayed here sometime during his last days. Had Simon been healed by Jesus? He might even be a carrier of this fearsome disease. And even if he didn’t, the stigma was so ingrained his first name was attached to the appellation “the leper.”
  • the value of the perfume was essentially unheard of. (You might have given a tin of the most expensive caviar to a homeless man– it was that shocking.) The calculations have been done and the perfume would have been worth $30,000. And this was no ordinary perfume– it was an ointment, a concentrate from which lesser perfumes would be made. This was the real stuff.
  • the disciples, are quite disturbed. They quickly deduced the value of this anointing, and balked. Scripture says, “they were indignant.” Deeply offended, they could not process what was really going on in front of them. They were quietly livid.
  • the wasted potential of the perfume. A years wages could of been given away to the needy. Passover was the special time when everyone saw to the needs of the poor, and scripture says a lot about helping the poor. It didn’t sit too well with the disciples to empty this flask over Jesus head and feet.
  • the effect on Jesus would’ve been profound. It was God’s signal of an impending death. Because this was more an ointment than a liquid, its effect would have lingered for weeks. It is quite possible that Jesus would’ve smelled that smell while he was being beaten and crucified. I have to believe it encouraged him, as he suffered.

The disciples really missed it with this one. The practical thing would take Mary’s expensive jar and sell it, and then to give the money to a needy family. Disciples throughout history have confused discipleship with serving and doing, but it really is concerned with a person of Jesus Christ. This really is a crucial point.

We serve a person, not a “discipleship.” We pour out ourselves for Jesus, serving him as out “first love.” Without this love we just become a good religion, among many good religions. But our sacrifice for Jesus does indeed set us apart.

Be extravagant in your love to him. Jesus should always be the center. As your love pours out over him, I have to believe it perfumes heaven with your gift.

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Gethsemane Unappreciated

” Then he returned and found the disciples asleep. He said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?” 

Mark 14:37

I honestly think what broke Jesus up the most was being disappointed by His trusty disciples.  This was devastating.  I believe that He was counting on the disciples to be there for Him.  They simply fell asleep while sitting with Jesus. Now it’s no secret that we need sleep.  Sleeping is a part of life, it is something that we require.  But we can forego it, without too many issues.  Truck drivers and med interns do it all the time–it’s no big deal.

But precious Peter sleeps through the most critical time of His best friends life–even after an explanation.  Jesus craves their closeness.  The humanness of Jesus yearns for His friends–His companions. He was lonely, and alone.

robin1aThere is a legend of the Brittany peasants that explains how the robin got its red breast. As Jesus was being led out to Calvary, a bird, pitying Him, flew down and plucked one thorn from the crown of thorns He wore. The blood spurted from the wound and splashed the bird’s breast.  It would be from that moment on the bird with the red breast– the valiant robin.

The robin did what it could.  The disciples didn’t. After sleeping for a bit, they would scatter.  They gave Jesus no solace, no comfort. All they did was to make Gethsemane harder.  Death was something Jesus knew was imminent.  The torture would brutalize Him even before the cross.  But, He would go it alone, without His friends.  Jesus would take all the sin on His shoulders and carry it away from us.

Today, we can make up for the disciples gross negligence. In some way, we can sit with Jesus, and spend time with Him, alert to the intercessory burden He carries for the Church. It is an active ministry of simple availability to being used in this way.

“Christ bears the wounds of the church, his body,  just as he bore the wounds of crucifixion. I sometimes wonder which have hurt worse.”

Philip Yancey

“So let us go out to him, outside the camp, and bear the disgrace he bore.  14 For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”

Hebrews 13:13-14

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