“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who gave me strength, because he trusted me and gave me this work of serving him. In the past I spoke against Christ and persecuted him and did all kinds of things to hurt him. But God showed me mercy, because I did not know what I was doing. I did not believe.”
1 Timothy 1:12-13, NCV
Coming out and thanking God is a critical way we can grow. Paul thanks God out loud. He has in mind, through a modern metaphor, God as a power plant, providing him with everything he needs. He is now being energized by God, and this infusion enables us to do some amazing things that others consider quite exceptional. (Handling this piece of understanding is critical to fitting into the Kingdom.)
Umbilical cord Christianity is the way Paul seems to view his walk and ministry. He seems himself connected with the Holy Spirit which transforms him and his work. Without this deeply vital connection, Paul becomes open to all kinds of evil and atrocity. It’s fascinating, but we actively expand darkness if we are not attached. We will end up doing all kinds of evil. There are many who can’t see this truth.
In these verses we find another issue–that of forgiveness of self. Paul had an ugly past. He had once been an effective tool in the evil one’s hands. On a logical level, this should taint him completely and irrevocably. Paul was marked to be a wicked presence in the early Church. Everyone knew him and braced themselves against his personal darkness. They all thought that Paul was completely evil.
But in a dramatic moment, Paul is converted to Christ on the Damascus Road. This is a radical shifting in the early Church. Paul points to the mercy that God has, and makes it very clear that God has exclusively arranged and administered this miracle. He points to the Spirit’s work that has intrinsically changed everything. Paul is now completely altered by the Holy Spirit.
Another vital point; it was Jesus Himself who was hurt, when His children were hurt. All of Paul’s viciousness and meanness was really directed against God. We seldom think this way. We may admit sin, but we will rarely view it as against God directly. There is an old Yiddish proverb, “If God had a house, people would come and break His windows”. In my own desperate and personal war against the Almighty, I often strain and strive to strike at His children.
There is an immense mercy and grace for sinners like Saul. And nothing is irrevocable. Grace insists on that. All we can do, is change our mind and our heart (repent). Then, we must tether ourselves, reviving that umbilical cord, and connect to Him our very lives (sanctification). The very presence of Jesus will change everything.
I have a definite sense that there are things in this teaching which are touching hearts. I have very few ways to help you. But I can pray, and hold you up to our Father. Let me know, ok.
Broken Believers 
Thank you for your ministry, Bryan.
I don’t have any clinically diagnosed mental illness but I do feel that I am very depressed most of the time, and have for quite a while. I guess it really started in 2004 after my husband died. I thought I was coping and trusting God, etc. And, I sure was trying to, I know that. I also know that God is faithful and is carrying me most of the time…probably even all of the the time. I am 72 years old and of course I guess that plays into my emotions, too. But, I keep reminding myself that it is not about feelings or me but about my Lord, my God. I am blessed to have a friendship with a ministry in India and had the privilege to visit them in 2009. They have 52 children they care for, poorest of the poor; many have no parents, or if they do they are very poor or mentally ill and cannot care for their children; many have died of HIV AIDS, one even of starvation. I am being their ambassador here in the states and my church does support them with a small gift each month. My heart aches for them because they are doing the Lord’s work in that darkness 24/7 and it seems so unappreciated by folks in our country. But, another aspect of my situation is one son who is not born again…at least there is no spiritual fruit and he knows very little about what the Bible teaches. I am sure he has a problem with alcohol, and suspect pornography, and other sexual sins. I pray consistently, fervently for him and for God to convict him and to save him. I don’t know what else to do. Much of the time he is just fine, outwardly, and he does not know what I know about his life. He is a very hard worker but I am afraid this is ultimately going to effect his ability to work; I have found open been cans in his truck and asked him to know let it happen anymore. I have told him to please keep the beer in the refrigerator and drink it at home…it is his house and I respect that. We need each other’s help in many ways and especially financially right now. We are having a hard time making the house payments and our other bills, and we do not have a lot of debt.
My main concern is for his spiritual health, and then for his physical health. I know if he does not allow God into his life there is going to be much more heartache for us both in the future.
My Lord is my strength but I would appreciate your prayers for us.
Thank you again for your ministry.
LikeLike
Your plate is very full. You have a number of issues that are a concern. And (I don’t want to sound callous), but you have a real need to finish well. As I think about it, it seems that there should be two words in your life right now in this season. Intimate prayer and insurmountable joy. These two focusses will enrich your life with a strength from the Holy Spirit. You have situations where all you can do is pray. I encourage to change your life’s routine so that these two things fit in.
Please, dear one, let me know what develops. I am praying here.
LikeLike
Very discouraged today, and your post was like a breath of fresh air. Thanks!
LikeLike
So glad to hear that BB was a help!
LikeLike
You are right, your teaching is touching hearts. It is touching mine. I may not know exactly all the ways your writing is manifesting in my life, but it is from Him and it is changing me, strengthening me, and freeing me. Thank you!
LikeLike