“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who gave me strength, because he trusted me and gave me this work of serving him. In the past I spoke against Christ and persecuted him and did all kinds of things to hurt him. But God showed me mercy, because I did not know what I was doing. I did not believe.”
1 Timothy 1:12-13, NCV
Coming out and thanking God is a critical way we can grow. Paul thanks God out loud. He has in mind, through a modern metaphor, God as a power plant, providing him with everything he needs. He is now being energized by God, and this infusion enables us to do some amazing things that others consider quite exceptional. (Handling this piece of understanding is critical to fitting into the Kingdom.)
Umbilical cord Christianity is the way Paul seems to view his walk and ministry. He seems himself connected with the Holy Spirit which transforms him and his work. Without this deeply vital connection, Paul becomes open to all kinds of evil and atrocity. It’s fascinating, but we actively expand darkness if we are not attached. We will end up doing all kinds of evil. There are many who can’t see this truth.
In these verses we find another issue–that of forgiveness of self. Paul had an ugly past. He had once been an effective tool in the evil one’s hands. On a logical level, this should taint him completely and irrevocably. Paul was marked to be a wicked presence in the early Church. Everyone knew him and braced themselves against his personal darkness. They all thought that Paul was completely evil.
But in a dramatic moment, Paul is converted to Christ on the Damascus Road. This is a radical shifting in the early Church. Paul points to the mercy that God has, and makes it very clear that God has exclusively arranged and administered this miracle. He points to the Spirit’s work that has intrinsically changed everything. Paul is now completely altered by the Holy Spirit.
Another vital point; it was Jesus Himself who was hurt, when His children were hurt. All of Paul’s viciousness and meanness was really directed against God. We seldom think this way. We may admit sin, but we will rarely view it as against God directly. There is an old Yiddish proverb, “If God had a house, people would come and break His windows”. In my own desperate and personal war against the Almighty, I often strain and strive to strike at His children.
There is an immense mercy and grace for sinners like Saul. And nothing is irrevocable. Grace insists on that. All we can do, is change our mind and our heart (repent). Then, we must tether ourselves, reviving that umbilical cord, and connect to Him our very lives (sanctification). The very presence of Jesus will change everything.
I have a definite sense that there are things in this teaching which are touching hearts. I have very few ways to help you. But I can pray, and hold you up to our Father. Let me know, ok.
Broken Believers 