“Unstable as water, you shall n
ot have preeminence.”
Genesis 49:4
“Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he “followed Him at a distance” on dry land.”
Peter was bold, brash, and impulsive.
That explains much. He did good things for sure, but he also could be weak and vacillating. This quality also describes those of us who are fairly often morally and spiritually out-of-control.
The impulsiveness symptom describes much of our actions, and our personal direction. We are something of a “loose cannon’ and we can deeply frighten people who know us. We love God deeply, (at least some of the time).
Those of us who struggle with mental illness must often deal with impulsiveness. We find ourselves turning aside so quickly. We do those things which will later destroy us. Self-destruction comes so close. It’s like we are playing some kind of spiritual ‘Russian Roulette.’ I wish that this wasn’t so.
But our soul is constantly loved and watched over.
He cares for us as a Father cares for His son. As mortals we make a lot of choices. Many are godly, some are not. We sometimes find ourselves out of control, mostly because we choose so poorly. We know it’s wrong (so much cries out against it) but we do it anyway, no matter what. We are often ashamed of our impulsiveness.
There is a lot out there, much that can side-track us. So many choices, and many opportunities. And the Deceiver will parade them all in front of us. I suppose that sin is as seductive as we let it be. I remember a friend saying, “It can’t take me if I don’t want to go.” That makes some sense I think.
We must try to develop a commitment to what we know is true.
Impulsiveness will tear us apart. When it resides in our heart, it’ll eventually destroy us. It’s like uncontrolled nuclear fission within, it takes over and it seems I can’t stop it. When I find myself out-of-control, it seems to take me beyond human help. Once we are in this state, we are completely unreasonable. It seems only God can intervene.
In my awful impulsiveness, I can see His faithfulness.
We often think we are just spontaneous people, and we consider it to be a plus. But our decision-making is dangerous. (Some will understand what I’m saying, but many others won’t).
It seems when we choose the worst we’re degraded us the most. We make these sudden decisions without the Spirit’s guidance. They take us to places we otherwise never dare to go. We find ourselves in an ugly and lost place. We chose wrongly, and usually without considering the results of our choice.
When we are impulsive, we are like a ship without an anchor. We go with the wind and the current, pushed along and directed by no one. We think we are spontaneous, when all we are is desperately foolish. We’ve chosen to sail into forbidden waters. We’re really in spiritual danger.
We now face the reality of being shipwrecked!
As a physically and mentally ill person, I simply can’t direct myself in a God honoring way apart from His active hand. I’m a just ‘a kid out of school’– unable to understand the eternal issues at stake. When I abandon myself to the vacillating foolishness of my heart, I bypass the strength and solidity of the Spirit. I sail into forbidden waters.
If I could pass anything on to others, it would be the ability to say “no.”
I really don’t want to degrade and destroy myself by my wrong choices. The Holy Spirit keeps comforting and encouraging me, all with an endurance and persistence far beyond my reasoning. For some odd reason, He is very much in love with me, (isn’t that strange)?
Truly His pursuit of me is relentless. He won’t give up.
But even in my impulsiveness, I can still see His faithfulness. He wants to free me from these awful forces that would tear me apart. He isn’t sitting on a comfortable throne, passively watching to see if I survive. No, not hardly. Instead He comes alongside, and holds me in place. “Thank God!”
Broken Believers 