Melancholy Me and My God

In early November, I went to California for a writers retreat. There were only four students and the woman leading the retreat. I learned so much and hung out with a few other wonderful writers. And yet, the poem below is what I wrote the first night after our opening session.

The next day I read it to one of my new writer friends, a woman who has been on this writing journey for a lot less time than I have. She was touched because she had been feeling inadequate and that the rest of us were so much more accomplished than she was.

I do love when God allows me to remember the dark night of the soul in a way that brings cheer and blessing to others.

Why so downcast, Oh my soul?
I understand the psalmist's plea.
Here I am with new friends of gold
But feelings of sadness needle me.
Am I just a fraud pretending to be
One who has something worthwhile to say?
When truth be told, or a lie of old,
Never will I point to God's way.
How I feel runs hot and cold;
Now I am weak when once I was bold.
Powerless and useless are words I hear
Echoing deep in my mind as fear.
Wounds that run deep still bleed
I know they're not true, never were.
But still, still these words Oh Lord.
You are the truth, the life, the way.

Words

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Let me tell you one of the perils of writing a post. I know what I want to say, but I am seldom happy about the end product.  I suppose it comes as part of the job description, and yet it chafes me to no end. If the truth be told, many others experience the same thing. We really do strive for clarity, but end up misunderstood.

We’re all communicators by nature; some of us do a bang-up job of it, and others, not so much. Being misunderstood is the norm for many, and especially for us who follow him; it can be accentuated by our perceived “other-worldly” beliefs– sometimes communicating them is a challenge. Let’s pray that the Spirit uses our simple words to open eyes; and he really, really wants to.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

Proverbs 16:24

The things we say can be sweet grace to others, it’s as if we are bringing cold water to thirsty people–that is no small thing. And yet somehow, we often ‘slice and dice’ people, especially spoken to those we love. Isn’t any wonder why those closest to us struggle so? I flinch inside when I hear a mother berate her young son in the grocery store. She is wounding him deep inside, and she has no idea.

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 12:18

Here in Proverbs we read of people whose rash words cut-to-the-bone. They jab, slash and cut. They are malicious and hurtful. We inflict pain on others far too easily. God forgive us. Satan gets foul glory by things we say. He will use us to destroy others.

But there are others who have learned some things. Their words bring healing. I’ve known a few people like this, they have an aura about them–a special superpower. They say profoundly simple things of wisdom, and it seems healing follows them everywhere. (I’ve also have seen other believers stall, simply because they won’t control their mouth.)

“The cure of an evil tongue must be done at the heart. The weights and wheels are there, and the clock strikes according to their motion. A guileful heart makes a guileful tongue and lips. It is the work-house where is the forge of deceits and slanders; and the tongue is only the outer shop where they are vended, and the door of it. Such ware as is made within, such, and no other, can come out.”

Give me a true heart, O God. I want to carry healing to others. Help me to bridle my tongue. Amen.

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