Category: failure

What is Your Shelf Life?

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot…

Eccl. chapter 3

 

They also serve who only stand and wait.– John Milton 

 

Our spiritual lives are cyclical, or seasonal.  We move in and out of seasons that take us through various experiences and different theologies and thinking.  There have been times when all I could think was about ‘evangelism’. Than I went through a period when ‘teaching’ was everything.  Morning, noon and night. Teach, teach, teach.  I have walked through seasons of prayer; and parenthood or work issues.

There are many dozens of these spiritual excursions.  Each season brings us something neat.  And demanding.  There will be unique concerns around each place you visit.  Jesus, who is in charge of turning us into disciples, has itineraries and dossiers on each one of us.  He knows the lessons we have already undertaken.  He is going to teach us our next unit.

Sometimes what it is, is a lot of scariness, anxiety and work.  I’ve heard it said, more then once that Jesus is more concerned with our character than our comfort.  His followers have had to traverse some nasty terrain.  They’ve had some ugly falls, and blisters and ‘charley horses’.  He did not ‘issue’ them shoes with wings.

Let’s be honest–I am currently in a season of illness and pain.  It’s funny, I have been in ministry over 20 years.  I sit in this classroom and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Remember, staring at the clock, using your secret powers in order to make the bell to ring sooner?  That’s me, right now.

When we live in spiritual seasons, we are amazed how quickly they change from one to another.  Very little remains the same.  And, if you’re dealing with mental illness things are usually more fragmented.  My Bipolar turns me into a liquid.  I float over there and then over here.  From moment-to-moment I can be anywhere. I am unstable.  This makes things problematic, but not impossible.

This particular season I have been put on the shelf.  For the most part, I’m in the dark, I’m on the bottom, pushed to the back and I wait.  I know He hasn’t forgotten me.  Over the years, I have observed this and I do have a general idea of ‘how it works’.  But God is faithful, if not patient.  That blesses me, and infuriates me, at the same time.

I came across a quote by John Milton, and it has been solace for me for months.  “They also serve who only stand and wait.”  I am assured that I have not escaped my Master’s heart. 

 Below are the lyrics from Larry Norman (and an CCM artist by the name of Honeytree). Look for them, or this song on YouTube.

I Am a Servant

I am a servant, I am listening for my name,
I sit here waiting, I’ve been looking at the game
That I’ve been playing, and I’ve been staying much the same
When you are lonely, you’re the only one to blame.

I am a servant, I am waiting for the call,
I’ve been unfaithful, so I sit here in the hall.
How can you use me when I’ve never given all,
How can you choose me when you know I’d quickly fall.

So you feed my soul and you make me grow,
And you let me know you love me.
And I’m worthless now, but I’ve made a vow,
I will humbly bow before thee.
O please use me, I am lonely.

I am a servant getting ready for my part,
There’s been a change, a rearrangement in my heart.
At last I’m learning, there’s no returning once I start.
To live’s a privilege, to love is such an art
But I need your help to start,
O please purify my heart, I am your servant.

 

And I can’t say anything else.  B 

Get the Nail Gun: Understanding Your Guilt

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God’s love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. –Jude 1:21

 

The world does not know what to do with all our guilt.  It affects every person and what we think about.  Guilt is much more destructive then Hurricane Katrina ever was. People talk about being crippled by guilt.  Psychiatrists have come out and said that 80% of their patients could be healed if people could resolve their guilt and their remorse for their past sins.  So much drinking and drug abuse is simply trying to numb yourself, if just for a little while.  Forgiving yourself is not an easy thing.  We must remember that all sin committed ultimately is against Jesus, and we must put our hearts in position for grace and mercy to fill us.  The Holy Spirit hovers over us, and yet He does not condemn.  He is not the accuser; He is the Helper and the Comforter.  The Holy Spirit convicts but He will not condemn.

Satan has a ministry–it is to accuse you before the Father.  He is malicious and savage.  He delights in reminding you of your sin and evil. He unceasingly pounds you.  The devil has an evil plan for your life, and works continuously to implement it.  Guilt and remorse are just two weapons at his disposal.

We honor God when we accept our sin, and His forgiveness.  Our verse from Jude declares that we must keep ourselves in the love that God has for us.  It takes intentional effort.  Our guilt is heavy, so we must put it down.  And then we must deliberately stand and purposefully open our outstretched arms to His forgiveness.  We need to “keep ourselves in the love of God”.  I get out my “spiritual nail gun” and fix myself in His love.

Guilt is like wounding ourselves.  Satan pokes our wound in order irritate it.  We learn to hide it from God, and others.  But these things are killing us. It’s like having gangrene. And the brutal sorrow and regret consume us.  I guess that is why we have Jude 1:21 in the first place.

Photo: How We Learn to Love

There are times when we are driven to a most desperate place.  We can go no lower.  Jesus meets us, He does not forsake us.  He stands up and intercedes for our souls.  He bends over to pick us up, speaking wonderful things to our confused and misguided hearts.  He loves us, and the purpose of our trials teach us that critical truth.  We learn it in no other way.

When You Lose [Faith]

…”calling two of his disciples to him, sent them to the Lord, saying, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” Luke 7:19

 

Here we have John the Baptist locked away in Herod’s prison.  We read of his wavering, but that shouldn’t alarm us.  There has always been difficulties for those who follow without diluting their love for Jesus.  It’s very likely that John had preconceptions about Jesus’ ministry.  But that certainly doesn’t mean he was apostate or backslidden.  He still believed, as he looked out through the bars.

We walk in a greater light and have surer promises that John did.  And in that light we still have our difficult moments.  We can falter and shake and doubt.  And John only had a 100th of understanding that we have.  Often we are amazed by another’s confusion and struggles, it is so clear to us that they are falling short.  It is frustrating.  Moses once went ballistic, beat his rod on a rock and had some choice words.  His anger spilled all over him and made a mess.  We read of his provocation, and miss our own faults, sins and weaknesses. 

We need to understand the depth of our own depravity.  There are those who have proceeded us, who have had their moments of despondency and doubt.  We see them, as it were, from a distance and criticize and challenge what we see.  Noah’s drunkenness and Lot’s vacillation.  The flakiness of Samson, Peter’s denial and Mark’s timidity, and much more.

Today, let us resolve to be gentle with each other. “For we all stumble in many ways”, James 3:2.