Category: following Jesus

Getting Down and Dirty

by Julie Anne Fidler, BB Weekly Contributor

I have a confession to make: I used to avoid church. It wasn’t because the overhead lighting gave me migraines (even though it did.) It wasn’t because my lazy cat had more pep than the worship team, or because I always managed to find a pew filled with screaming children throwing Goldfish crackers. In reality, I have been a member of two churches over the past ten years and both of them were great, Bible-believing churches.

It’s just that everyone in church is so darn perfect, you know? Look around you. Everyone has it all together. Sure, those kids may be throwing crackers, but they’re destined to become evangelists. The women have great hair and impeccable fashion taste and are obviously dream wives. The men never struggle with lust and have never been guilty of spending too many hours at the office.

Right.

But this has been my impression of church for as long as I can remember. The older I get, the more I realize how crazy that is, but I do battle with the concept even now. Church is supposed to be the one place where we get really honest with God, others, and ourselves.  It’s the place where you are supposed to show up with your dirt and your bruises. We are supposed to reach out and say, “Life is hard; help me.” Too often, however, we wear our best, not just on the outside, but on the inside. We want to blend in, look content, and seem overjoyed with the life we are leading.

Even if I never had a mental illness, I would struggle. The fact that I do have one makes it that much harder because I know that a couple of pills mean the difference between being OK and all my engines completely shutting down.  I know that being obedient to Christ becomes a million times harder when I’m sick. I also know that if I shared this part of my life with everyone in that sanctuary, I’d be met with suspicion and disappointment – not by everyone, but by some.

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Oh, but I definitely struggle with fear. I know I shouldn’t. I know there’s no good reason to, but I do. I fear the reaction of others. I fear I cannot measure up to the standards of others. I fear looking like a fool.

I deal with these fears by facing them. Don’t get the wrong idea – I’m not trying to frame myself as a martyr.  Some people willingly jump out of airplanes. Some people get as high as the clouds, freak out, and have to be coaxed out the door. I have to be coaxed, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.  I want to be the real me when I walk through those church doors, when I go to a small group, when I sit down with a Christian friend for coffee. Jesus went to the dark places. He knelt down in the gutters. He got dirty. I don’t want to spend my life wearing a lily white uniform.

I want the Church to understand mental illness. As it stands, I think the Church is afraid of it. Of course you are going to be afraid of something you don’t understand. If I want the Church to understand mental illness and effectively reach out to “the least of these” who are suffering with it, I have to introduce them to it. I have to get dirty. I have to be honest about my own time in the gutter, my own days of wandering, if I want them to understand and respond in love.

I may run into resistance and fear, but even if I educate one person in the process, that’s one more voice speaking the truth and cracking the façade. I take a point away from the enemy, who is the creator of fear. Don’t be silent about who you are and what you battle. Trade in your spotless uniform for some dirty rags. Let’s get the Church a little dirty. Let’s love them into loving those who are lost and alone.

Julie Anne Fidler is a contributing writer for Brokenbelievers.com.  She comes with a humble and understanding heart for those with a mental illness.  Her writing gift is valued greatly.  Look for her post weekly, on this blog.   She keeps a personal ministry blog at www.mymentalhealthday.blogspot.com.  Read more there.

What is Your Shelf Life?

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot…

Eccl. chapter 3

 

They also serve who only stand and wait.– John Milton 

 

Our spiritual lives are cyclical, or seasonal.  We move in and out of seasons that take us through various experiences and different theologies and thinking.  There have been times when all I could think was about ‘evangelism’. Than I went through a period when ‘teaching’ was everything.  Morning, noon and night. Teach, teach, teach.  I have walked through seasons of prayer; and parenthood or work issues.

There are many dozens of these spiritual excursions.  Each season brings us something neat.  And demanding.  There will be unique concerns around each place you visit.  Jesus, who is in charge of turning us into disciples, has itineraries and dossiers on each one of us.  He knows the lessons we have already undertaken.  He is going to teach us our next unit.

Sometimes what it is, is a lot of scariness, anxiety and work.  I’ve heard it said, more then once that Jesus is more concerned with our character than our comfort.  His followers have had to traverse some nasty terrain.  They’ve had some ugly falls, and blisters and ‘charley horses’.  He did not ‘issue’ them shoes with wings.

Let’s be honest–I am currently in a season of illness and pain.  It’s funny, I have been in ministry over 20 years.  I sit in this classroom and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Remember, staring at the clock, using your secret powers in order to make the bell to ring sooner?  That’s me, right now.

When we live in spiritual seasons, we are amazed how quickly they change from one to another.  Very little remains the same.  And, if you’re dealing with mental illness things are usually more fragmented.  My Bipolar turns me into a liquid.  I float over there and then over here.  From moment-to-moment I can be anywhere. I am unstable.  This makes things problematic, but not impossible.

This particular season I have been put on the shelf.  For the most part, I’m in the dark, I’m on the bottom, pushed to the back and I wait.  I know He hasn’t forgotten me.  Over the years, I have observed this and I do have a general idea of ‘how it works’.  But God is faithful, if not patient.  That blesses me, and infuriates me, at the same time.

I came across a quote by John Milton, and it has been solace for me for months.  “They also serve who only stand and wait.”  I am assured that I have not escaped my Master’s heart. 

 Below are the lyrics from Larry Norman (and an CCM artist by the name of Honeytree). Look for them, or this song on YouTube.

I Am a Servant

I am a servant, I am listening for my name,
I sit here waiting, I’ve been looking at the game
That I’ve been playing, and I’ve been staying much the same
When you are lonely, you’re the only one to blame.

I am a servant, I am waiting for the call,
I’ve been unfaithful, so I sit here in the hall.
How can you use me when I’ve never given all,
How can you choose me when you know I’d quickly fall.

So you feed my soul and you make me grow,
And you let me know you love me.
And I’m worthless now, but I’ve made a vow,
I will humbly bow before thee.
O please use me, I am lonely.

I am a servant getting ready for my part,
There’s been a change, a rearrangement in my heart.
At last I’m learning, there’s no returning once I start.
To live’s a privilege, to love is such an art
But I need your help to start,
O please purify my heart, I am your servant.

 

And I can’t say anything else.  B 

Victory Over Affliction #4

So we plow on in this miniseries on “Victory in Our Affliction”. 

 

This is part 4.

****

 Part 1 is here–https://brokenbelievers.com/2010/09/23/victory-in-the-middle-of-affliction/ 

Part 2 is here–https://brokenbelievers.com/2010/10/19/more-victory-in-our-affliction/ 

Part 3 is here–https://brokenbelievers.com/2010/10/26/even-more-victory-in-our-affliction/

  

Afflictions Help Us Comfort Others

“Blessed be the(B) God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and(C) God of all comfort, 4(D) who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”   2 Cor. 1:3-4, ESV

 

Being afflicted with pain and suffering manuevers us into the place of being the source of comfort for others.  God’s comfort energizes us to touch others.  So many hurt.  They are overwhelmed by pain and live in misery. A dynamic is at work here.  My pain brings God’s comfort.  God’s comfort is transmitted to others by me.  They are blessed and are strengthened to go on and touch others.

But its all about the ‘proper use of afflictions’.  Will we ‘turn’ and become active in the special economy of God?  We must accept that God intends our affliction to be the way of blessing for others.  When we hurt so bad, we see that grace flows to those who need Him the most.

How Do We Respond to the Pain?

First of all, we cannot escape affliction.  It is inevitable.  But will it bless us and others?  Pain has an intentionally deliberate purpose for us.  Since we cannot escape the pain, it would behoove us to take it and manufacture comfort for others.  We must learn to make affliction fruitful. 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together(A) for good,[a] for(B) those who are called according to his purpose. 

Rom. 8:28, ESV

Keeping the ‘valves and lines’ open involves special attention to the sins of bitterness and anger.  These two are responsible for a great deal of frustration and impotence in the Christian’s walk.

First, We Need to Praise the Lord.

Coming and then staying in this place is critical.  We need to learn to praise from the ‘ash heap’.  “Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do.”  1 Thess. 5:18, CEV.  Your heart must not become bitter, you must keep it sweet and responsive. “My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy”  James 1:2

 

Second, We Should Pray.

James 5:13 says, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray.” From the ash heap we should be in prayer.  Praying at this time should be as important as praise.  Our devotional life needs to lift a notch into these dual disciplines.  By the way, prayer is an immense blessing to our our pain.  Its like aloe vera to a bad sunburn.  Prayer has a soothing and restorative effect on our blistered spirit.

 

Third, We Should Feed at His Word.

We are instructed, “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word.”  Ps. 119:67.  When you hurt, really bad it will make your time with the Bible and its promises so precious.  When I’m in pain the Word is the most precious thing I can think of.  A topical Bible can be very helpful.

“When I am hurting,  I find comfort in your Word that leads me to life.”  Ps. 119:50

“Unless Your law had been my delight, I would then have perished in my affliction.”  Ps. 119:92

 

Four, We Should Strive to be Patient and to Have Faith.

This is not a wooden or artificial issue.  We must deliberately choose this direction, daily.  Patience is foundational and fundamental.  With it, you will survive, without it things will get ugly quick.  “Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.”  Rom. 12:12

Faith and patience will bring us a confidence.  When we ‘believe’ with a dynamic faith, we will be able to absorb some intense issues.  If you have ever driven a car with blown shock absorbers, you will understand.

“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”  James 1:4

Disciples Wearing Steadfastness

“The steady discipline of intimate friendship with Jesus results in men becoming like Him.”   

Harry Emerson Fosdick

 

Finally.  A voice of reason and understanding in our quest for to be Christlike.  A very simple dynamic that stresses personal intimacy.  As we walk and talk with Him we are affected, we absorb things by rubbing up to Him.  We become altered.  But it takes a “steady discipline” (that is probably the most intense words in this quote).

Steadiness is a very undervalued commodity.  This culture— my culture— has minimized this particular quality, and inflated others to take its place.  We put a new weight on certain things that eventually ‘throw off’ the equilibrium of our discipleship.  We extract ‘steadiness, or faithfulness’ from our faith and we are left with something that is only a “disciple”  in pretense or personal confusion.

Being steadfast means you are dependable and stable.  It is evidence ‘exhibit A’ that you have the Holy Spirit infecting you.

‘But as for you,(A) O man of God,(B) flee these things.(C) Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.’

1 Timothy 6:11

When we are in pursuit of something, we become incredibly focused.  Our peripheral vision is adjusted and we become focused on just reaching our goal.  Paul told Timothy to make these things his target, and then to pursue them.  But this particular verse, embedded as it is with concepts of discipleship is rarely (maybe never) given more than a fleeting glance.  Perhaps is is just too boring?

Admittedly there is a plethora of choices.  Our fellowships had just passed out spiritual menus for us to order from. (As it that were possible.)

Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials(F) of various kinds, 3for you know that(G) the testing of your faith(H)produces steadfastness.4And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be(I) perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

If we fully intend to become ‘biblical’ we will refocus on all that God wants to hear.  We are pretty much in peril if we buy into a gospel that is not balanced on the New Testament scales.  We will not grow at all if all we eat are “spiritual snicker bars”.

People like us are almost always trying to balance ourselves.  Bipolar depression is a vicious illness of extremes.  One day we are into this, and then we shift to another thing.  We walk a tightrope it seems, even while others are enjoying themselves in a steady, solid and comfortable walk of discipleship.  Being aware of your  balance,  propensity and momentum is a valuable asset to have.