Tag: afflictions

Photo: How We Learn to Love

There are times when we are driven to a most desperate place.  We can go no lower.  Jesus meets us, He does not forsake us.  He stands up and intercedes for our souls.  He bends over to pick us up, speaking wonderful things to our confused and misguided hearts.  He loves us, and the purpose of our trials teach us that critical truth.  We learn it in no other way.

When You Lose [Faith]

…”calling two of his disciples to him, sent them to the Lord, saying, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” Luke 7:19

 

Here we have John the Baptist locked away in Herod’s prison.  We read of his wavering, but that shouldn’t alarm us.  There has always been difficulties for those who follow without diluting their love for Jesus.  It’s very likely that John had preconceptions about Jesus’ ministry.  But that certainly doesn’t mean he was apostate or backslidden.  He still believed, as he looked out through the bars.

We walk in a greater light and have surer promises that John did.  And in that light we still have our difficult moments.  We can falter and shake and doubt.  And John only had a 100th of understanding that we have.  Often we are amazed by another’s confusion and struggles, it is so clear to us that they are falling short.  It is frustrating.  Moses once went ballistic, beat his rod on a rock and had some choice words.  His anger spilled all over him and made a mess.  We read of his provocation, and miss our own faults, sins and weaknesses. 

We need to understand the depth of our own depravity.  There are those who have proceeded us, who have had their moments of despondency and doubt.  We see them, as it were, from a distance and criticize and challenge what we see.  Noah’s drunkenness and Lot’s vacillation.  The flakiness of Samson, Peter’s denial and Mark’s timidity, and much more.

Today, let us resolve to be gentle with each other. “For we all stumble in many ways”, James 3:2.

Living as a Sexual Abuse Survivor

The problem of childhood sexual abuse is not new. Millions of adults bear the emotional scars, and continue to secretly carry the emotional burden, of abuse that occurred twenty, thirty, or even forty years ago. It is common for clients in their 40’s to come to counseling and say “I have never told this to anyone before…”.

Children are, by nature, innocent, trusting, and vulnerable. When a child is abused, the abuse is NEVER the child’s fault, but children — in an attempt to use their limited understanding of the world to make sense of what has happened to them — almost always believe that they either caused or deserved the abuse. Many of them carry their misguided sense of shame and guilt into adulthood. Many successful, seemingly well-adjusted adults continue to suffer the far-reaching effects of abuse: low self-esteem or lack of confidence, difficulty trusting others, isolation, or alienation, depression, anxiety, anger, chronic relationship problems, difficulty with emotional or physical intimacy, promiscuity, self-injury, alcohol or drug use, or overeating.

A history of childhood sexual abuse does not automatically mean a life full of suffering, however. The extent to which abuse affects an individual varies significantly, depending on the severity of the abuse, the duration of the abuse, and the relational context of the abuse (who the abuser was). Many people who were abused as children struggle with spiritual isses as well as the psychological and emotional ones. They may question how a loving God could allow something like that to happen to a child, may be angry with God for allowing it to happen, or may even believe that God intentionally inflicted the abuse on them as punishment. Part of the healing journey may include looking at these spiritual questions and finding a deeper spiritual understanding of yourself, God, and the world.

Regardless of how childhood abuse has affected your life, you can experience both healing from your past and growth for your future. If you have been silently suffering the pain or shame of past abuse, a confidential relationship with a caring professional counselor can help you find freedom and relief. If painful memories from the past are robbing you of a life of happiness and meaningful relationships, counseling can help you face the past, find healing in the present, and claim abundant life for your future.

Sexual abuse can effect a marriage is so many ways: emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Sexual abuse is traumatic not only for the survivor but also for the survivor’s spouse if he/she doesn’t understand the impact of sexual abuse. I believe sex is a huge part in healing also. Having a healthy sex life after being sexually abused can happen. Separating the abuser from someone who loves you is a part of healing. Un-training yourself from what your abuser taught you is what it takes to make this happen. Your body is just that “your body” and you have the say in what does or doesn’t happen.

My sexual abuse is only part of me, not my whole life anymore. Victims and survivors have to change the way society deals with and handles sexual abuse. The truth shall set you free, the truth of sexual abuse. Once the truth comes out it sets you free of the bondage you have been in for so many years. Stare your sexual abuse straight in the eyes and let it know “you don’t scare me anymore”. It is such an awesome feeling!!

A question to ask oneself is, “Do you see yourself as God sees you?” God sees you as a child He made for a specific purpose and not one of those purpose’s was for any one of His children to be abused in any way, shape, or form. Reach out to Him and let him replace your pain with joy, your shame with sharing, your anger with forgiveness, your ugliness with beauty and your silence with your voice.

Source- New Reflections Counseling:  http://www.newreflectionscounseling.com/

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BrokenBelievers: My Story, Redux

 

Hello!

My name is Bryan Lowe and I guide this blog, BrokenBelievers.com. I’m also a Christian pastor and Bible teacher who struggles with a ripping case of Bipolar Disorder I, and a walloping dose of Hepatitis C  (which I contracted using IV drugs.)

I have a burden for a blog that will concern itself with the challenges of mentally ill Christian believers, as well as key issues such as brokenness and humility. These seem to be critical issues, but are largely ignored and misunderstood by the mainstream church. The following list has all happened in the last five years. My shaky faith has been really challenged by these events.   

  • Death of our daughter, Elizabeth
  • Chemical burns to my lungs due to a workplace accident
  • Diagnosis of Bipolar disorder
  • Brain tumor/surgery ( I now have to walk with a cane)
  • Hepatitis C with encephalopathy issues, chronic nausea
  • Panic Attacks, (loads of fun!)
  • Non-healing sores, a low immune system (yes, I do vitamins)
  • Currently on daily meds–Lithium, Seroquil and Zoloft, (mood-stabilizers, antipsychotics, antidepressants.)

As you can well imagine, ministry became almost impossible, doors quickly closed as word spread. After all, who wants a psychotic pastor? I had several hospitalizations due to Bipolar disorder, esp. when I have had suicidal tendencies/self-harm issues. I have scars on my wrists from very bad times. I suffer from paranoid delusions and hearing voices. For obvious reasons, I resigned as a senior pastor, which was hard because it was the only thing I ever wanted to do. Sometimes, I feel like Job from the Old Testament (and my poor wife, “Joblynn”  has endured as well). I really, really struggled with anger towards God. I still fight with this when life grows dark. So this is what I have had to deal with. From this I want to speak into the darkness, and try to help any who also seek help. I want to be the guy handing out flashlights to the desperate people in the dark. Jesus frees us and leads us to hope. His Word is trustworthy, and his spirit is gentle. 

BrokenBelievers.com is making ministry available to the huge numbers of God-loving Christian Believers who struggle with mental illness.  As Jesus’ disciple, just how much trial am I expected to take, and exactly how do I live?  I would really like it if you had time to go through the web site. There are approximately 130 posts and find something that “rings your bell”. I know that that is a lot, but the list of contents is found in the left column, and a new post is added almost everyday. 

Favorite Thoughts–For now, I offer up some quotes that have personally helped me through the murky darkness. 

  • “God rescues us by breaking us, by shattering our strength and wiping out our resistance.” –A. W. Tozer
  • “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”–Mother Teresa
  • “Our life is full of brokenness – broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.” –Henri Nouwen
  • “The power of the Church is not a parade of flawless people, but of a flawless Christ who embraces our flaws. The Church is not made up of whole people, rather of the broken people who find wholeness in a Christ who was broken for us.”–Mike Yaconelli
  • “I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am.” –John Newton
  • “It’s not about perfection; it’s about our intimacy with God, or our connection, our relationship with God. Once we get through that, once we realize that we can be imperfect, flawed, broken; those kinds of things are the ingredients of spirituality.”–Mike Yaconelli
  • “If the church remains self-righteously aloof from failures, irreligious and immoral people, it cannot enter justified into God’s kingdom. But if it is constantly aware of its guilt and sin, it can live in joyous awareness of forgiveness. The promise has been given to it that anyone who humbles himself will be exalted.”-Brennan Manning

Favorite Authors–My favorite authors are the ones who minister to me in my pain and issues. These books are gold to me, and I scour the web looking for their teachings. I don’t follow men, but I do receive from their ministries.  If you follow any of these writers, you will get a sense of where I am coming from, and what exactly is the scope of this blog.  If your curious, drop me a line and I’ll be happy to share more. 

  • Mike Yaconelli– Messy Spirituality; Dangerous Wonder
  • Eugene Peterson– The Message Bible; A Long Obedience in One Direction; Subversive Christianity
  • Brennan Manning–The Lion and the Lamb; Ragamuffin Gospel; Abba’s Child
  • John Piper– When the Darkness Will Not Lift; Desiring God 
  • Henri Nouwen–The Wounded Healer
  • Anne Lamont– Traveling Mercies : Some Thoughts on Faith.
  • Kay Redfield Jameson– Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament; An Unquiet Mind
  • Georges Bernanos– A Diary of Country Priest
  • AW Tozer, anything– The Pursuit of God
  • Francis Frangipane–The Place of Immunity
  • CS Lewis– Grief Observed; Mere Christianity
  • Dietrich Bonhoeffer– The Cost of Discipleship; Life Together
  • English Standard Version Study Bible–Great version!

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