Category: understanding

Thinking Out Things

There is a full treatment that the Father intends to work in us. And He will work in us, and we can’t prevent its work.  We don’t really want Him to make us a saint.  But He carries out a different plan.  We shouldn’t be entirely surprised to have Him inside of us, working and building.  We really are brought to a point when the things He does will need to be tolerated, at least.

To be a Christian is a challenging endeavour.  Just ike taffy is pulled to an amazing length, it will always unfold and duplicated.  This work starts to insist that we turn over everything ugly and evil and we turn over the nastiness that wants to invade our darkness.  We are the lost sheep, and we honestly renounce a corruption of our hearts, and the desire to wander away.

There is one of those stories, which can be found in many different cultures.  It is this– a man wears a mask, for several years.  He never takes it off.  The mask is a permanent fixture in His life.  As the moment of revelation when the mask comes off, we all discover that he has been changed, transformed by the wearing of the mask.

Will you wear the mask?

Might it be, that it you will “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh,” transformation will happen as we start to “wear Him” through our unique and surprising life.  We have been bonded to Him, and He is now working “Christlikedness” inside us.  If we try to evaluate the Lords work, we maybe disappointed.  But we so seldom discern these things properly.  However it is clear that He has not postponed His work, but is actively seeking it to work in our lives.

Eighty Thousand +

We just passed a milestone of sorts.  BB has surpassed the 80,000 mark, which is somewhat remarkable.

It has done more for me than anyone else.  I’m doing my best to write posts that have substance and significance.  And I have worked to produce a post a day, that has meaning for struggling and mentally ill Christians.  And guess what? I have learned that there is a lot of us out there, and not a whole lot of support out there.

The little map on the upper right shows where the posts are coming from.  It visualizes where BB is being accessed.  The scope is breathtaking, as BB is reaching out to hearts in central Asia, India, Africa and Malaysia.  We even received someone in the Vatican.  BB is active in every continent except one, Antarctica.   I guess the penguins don’t really need the support of BB.  But if they do, BB will be right there!

I have to admit, your “responses” that come to me are most tremendous!  I love each comment.  I understand that to take the time to respond is a luxury.  It means so much.  I do, very much so, treasure your responses.

Eighty thousand in just two years.  Amazing!  Let Him be praised for His grace on this gentle work of peace and kindness.

Welcoming His Judgement

To be judged by God is an awful thing.  It is always immutable and just.  He brings to us the inevitable awareness of the guilt and rebellion that we have secretly harbored for years.  We try to dodge His correction like a boxer does to the punches of his opponent.

We see judgement with a distinct clarity; as if it was to be avoided like the plague.  We fear Him, but like an eccentric guest at our special dinner party.  He is unpredictable, and sometimes will pull out the table cloth, in spite of the plates and dishes.  He does amazing tricks, but to us He seems a bit capricious and not at all in control of Himself.  We really don’t trust Him. Not really, anyway.

But the judgement of God is never punishment.  It is always corrective however, with a desire for us to find good and health in its presence.  We can contaminate our hearts with a wrong perspective.  But He is love, and our sin and iniquity won’t change that about Him.

He loves us so much, that He is obligated to correct us.  Some here have had great Dads.  The were active in our lives.  They were not perfect, but it didn’t matter; Dad loved us and that was all we needed.  Everything God does, comes out of this matrix of love.  When we truly grasp how much someone loves us, we can open up to anything they might say.

He does correct us, which can be harsh and difficult.  But God carefully weighs out the situation, just like a druggist weighs out to the milligram of the medicine we need.  He does discern, and gives no one more then they need.  He is definitely aware, and has no desire to destroy us.  Quite the opposite.

When we are judged for a particular sin or iniquity, we will know it.  But within that correction we will find no darkness or maliciousness.  Within our Father, there is nothing that would suggest evil or a desire to inflict pain.  He most definitely is not a sadist.  When we are corrected, we need to accept it, and receive it.  At the bottom of this, we will find that there is nothing but love.

Dreaming of Forgiveness

This article was originally posted on my blog, Linda Kruschke’s Blog, here. When Pr. Bryan asked me to contribute to Broken Believers, I knew this was one post I wanted to share here.

Important caveat: In this article I am not suggesting that unforgiveness or other unrepentant sin is the root of all depression. There are many causes of severe depression. Sometimes the depression of a person can have multiple causes and exacerbating factors. This is just my story, and I believe I’m not alone in the root of my struggle. I write this for those who, like me, have been hurt and have hung onto the bitterness that such wrongs can cause.

As I write this, I’m sitting in the Portland, Oregon airport waiting to board my flight to Boston with a layover in Houston. It’s 10:47 p.m. and I’ll soon (I hope) be on the red eye, trying to get some sleep. I doubt it will be the kind of deep sleep that leads to dreaming.

For the past couple of days a blog post idea has been flitting around in my head that has to do with dreaming. Or more accurately, it has to do with a specific dream. I decided this was the perfect opportunity to write that post.

This is a true story of a dream I had 13 years ago, but it is as vivid in my memory today as it was the moment I awoke from it. But before I get to the dream, a little background (some of which those who have read much of my blog will already know, some of which I’ve only shared one-on-one with people I know).

I had been struggling with major clinical depression for almost 7 years. There had been some good days, weeks, maybe even a month here and there, during that 7 years. But never any lasting relief. Even before that I had dealt with low grade depression for a long as I could remember. Through it all I blamed one person for all my misery. I’d been blaming him for almost 20 years. I was sure what he had done was the reason for my depression and that there was nothing I could do about it. I had become convinced that I would always be miserable. My regular mantra was that he had ruined my life.

So you might be wondering what he did that was so terrible. I’ve thought a lot about whether I would include that piece of information here. I’ve shared it with friends, but I’ve decided not to do so in my blog. I believe that this post will have a greater impact if I don’t because the principles I learned through this story aren’t dependent on the wrong that was done to me. Just as we don’t know what the thorn was in Paul’s side that he asked the Lord to remove (2 Corinthians 12:7-10), so that his story has a universal message that Jesus’ grace is sufficient for any suffering, I think my story will have more universal appeal if the reader can fill in the blanks with whatever wrong has been done to them.

You might also be wondering if my life really was miserable during this time so as to warrant being depressed. I assure you it was not. I was (and still am) married to a wonderful man who loves me and would do anything for me. We lived in a nice house. I had graduated from law school cum laude and had a pretty good job. My sweet, loveable son was also born during this time. I actually had, as George Bailey would say, “a wonderful life.”

Still, I was in utter despair and medication was not helping. I mentioned in a previous post about my friend June who invited me to my first Bible study, which happened towards the end of my 7 years of major depression. It was while I was attending this Bible study on a weekly basis that I had the dream.

Okay, now to the dream. It started out with me standing at the checkout counter at the grocery story. I paid for my groceries and turned to leave. There he was, on his knees, asking me to forgive him. But I walked away. Suddenly I was at the post office mailing some letters. I finished my business with the postal clerk and turned to leave. There he was again, on his knees, asking me to forgive him. But I walked away. This scenario was repeated at the bank, the library, and several other of the regular places one goes in life.

He was everywhere in my life in this dream, but not trying to ruin it. He was always asking for forgiveness. I awoke from the dream and knew immediately what I needed to do. God had been trying to tell me this very thing in various ways for quite some time, but I hadn’t listened. I couldn’t ignore this clear message of forgiveness.

So that is what I did. It wasn’t easy, and I had to pray for God to help me, but I forgave him. Suddenly a flood of names came to my mind. People who had “trespassed against me” in some way or another over the years; people I was holding a grudge against. All the bitterness I had been holding in my heart came pouring out and I began to cry. I asked God for forgiveness for my failure to forgive for so long.

The effect on my depression was not immediate, but it didn’t take very long compared to how long I had been struggling. Within just a few months I was off antidepressants and have not had to take them since. There are still days, sometimes weeks, when the darkness returns (though not as deeply as it had consumed me for those 7 years). For me, I can usually trace the lurking threat of depression to someone I’m angry with, someone I need to forgive. I’m reminded of the lesson of dreaming of forgiveness.

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