Tag: anxiety

A Crash Course in Depersonalization

Depersonalization is like having amnesia.  You don’t know who you are, you’ve “lost” yourself– your identity or your personality.  You try to jump-start yourself.  You pray, make deals with God, but it doesn’t help.  You are stuck.

There is a pervading feeling, like doom.  It saturates your thinking, flavoring everything with a sense of finality.  It is as difficult as you can imagine, to lose yourself– to become unreal to yourself.

Depersonalization is a symptom of an anxiety disorder and not a stand alone condition. How do we know this? Because depersonalization cannot exist without anxiety BUT anxiety can exist without depersonalization.

Depersonalization is caused by a shift in the part of the brain that provides us with a ‘real’ awareness of our environment; this part of the brain is directly linked to the Amygdala, the organ in the brain responsible for anxiety.

Terms commonly used to describe the symptoms and sensations of Depersonalization:

  • unreal
  • disembodied
  • divorced from oneself
  • apart from everything
  • unattached
  • alone
  • strange
  • weird
  • foreign
  • unfamiliar
  • dead
  • puppet-like
  • robot-like
  • acting a part
  • like a lifeless person
  • two dimensional
  • ‘cardboard’ figure
  • made of cotton-wool
  • having mechanical actions
  • remote
  • automated, a robot
  • a spectator
  • witnessing ones own actions as if in a film or on a TV program
  • not doing one’s own thinking
  • observing the flow of ideas in the mind as independent.

Treatment is to deal with the anxiety, depersonalization, although disturbing in itself, is not harmful. [Although the experts have never had to go through it].

As a Christian believer I reach out for the presence of God in this mental state.  Even though it is hard, I reach out in faith on the basis of His word; He will never leave or forsake me, He has forgiven me and not abandoned me.  That He understands my thinking from afar off.  These truths all strengthen me.

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Being Held, Being Secure

Being Held, Being Secure

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.  John 6:37

 

Being insecure is like sipping sulfuric acid from a teacup.  What we drink in is corrosive and harmful, when we think it is ok.  We become saturated with anxiety and overloaded with doubt.  We feel very unsure about ourselves, and become introspective to a fault.

Somehow verses like John 6:37 don’t work or apply to us.  Such is strength of our hopelessness.  It is durable and strong.  Christians who struggle with “feeling saved” have a formidable enemy just within themselves, not taking in Satan’s attacks on their mind.

This verse helps us understand some things.  First, there is a “chain of custody” in regards to spiritual headship.  What comes to the Father, gets transferred to the Son.  To enable this, there is something like a magnetic pull that people become drawn to Jesus.  (Aside note:  Jesus is wildly popular and esteemed among unbelievers; it is the Church that gives people heartburn!)

When we are attracted to Him, the pull intensifies.  We grow sensitive and more sure.  When we pass over that symbolic line we discover that we have great assurance of His love.  The statement is made, “I will by no means cast out.” 

“Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go”. –John 6:37, The Message

“He holds on”!  He doesn’t let go!  This attachment of Jesus to us is strong  and sure.  Our issue comes when we focus on self and forget about Him.  Thinking exclusively about your sin, and weakness, and mental illness takes back to the “acid in a teacup” analogy.  But enough of that; let us live confidently, looking boldly on Christ and feeling His grip.  He can’t de-attach Himself.

Resting in God, Completely.

 
My soul rests in God

 The Lord my God hath given me rest on every side.
1 Kings 5:4

This was part of the preparation for the building of the temple. Times of quiet in one’s life should not be idle times. There is other work to do then. These are days for temple-building. 

True living is not all activity – struggle, conflict, gathering money, toiling with one’s hands. 

Building of character is the great work of life. This goes on best in the quiet. We ought not to wait for idleness to compel us to be still; we should get the quiet into our life even in our busiest times. We must have a restful spirit if we would build up the inner temple. There should be “silent times” in every day’s life. 

The secret of Daniel’s noble character, while carrying a great part of the burden of the kingdom of Babylon was that he never forsook the place of prayer. Not even fear of the lion’s den could make him neglect devotion. 

There is no other secret of a true and noble life amid the world’s strifes and trials. We must keep quiet within, that we may build up in our hearts the temple of God. -JR Miller

 

 

Geriatrics R Us, and Other Thoughts

I’m coming up to 50 and it seems very strange.  I have never gotten old before, so it is an adventure.  I guess for the first time I’m face-to-face with three things.

1)  I am older than most people I meet. 

A few weeks ago I attended the weekly pastor’s meeting for Homer.  I looked around and of the 7-8 pastors/elders I realized I was the oldest present.  It really felt strange.  I am no longer ‘looking to’ but am now ‘looking back’. But I still find myself thinking that old age is always 15 years older than where I am now.

2)  Time has become increasingly valuable. 

For the first time ever, I am operating with the sense that my time is slipping away.  It’s funny but I can’t watch TV anymore, because it uses time up.  It seems foolish to me.  The same with books and magazines.  (I even resent bathing, because of the time involved, lol.)  I get frustrated unlacing my shoes, because time is slipping away.  We think that as we get older, we will have patience.  That is decidedly not the case for me.

3)  I have an eternity with God and His faithful, ahead of me. 

The first two are somewhat automatic, they just seem to come when I am in a certain frame of mind.  But this one, #3,  comes when I pray.  Growing up I always had a fear of death.  Just thinking about it now, makes me a little edgy and anxious.  I need to hold on to the promises and actively anticipate heaven.

Growing old is weird.  Making the different transitions to age-appropriate concepts is a real hoot!  My hair is grey now, and I’m having issues with my hearing and my sight.  I really like to read the obituaries, especially noting the age of the deceased.  I’m also a big baseball fan, and it’s funny but I catch myself thinking that I could be the father of anyone of them.

Time rolls on, whether you like it or not.  It’s best to think about scrapping your earth suit.  Our present bodies are becoming obsolete.  The funny thing is, 100,000 years from now, we will look back at this time on earth and wonder what the heck that was all about. :-)