Is Everything OK?

pretending-all-is-ok

You will have days when you will want to pretend. However some things can’t be explained away so easily. Jesus calls His disciples to reality and clear truth. He calls us to a certain faith.

Depression isolates and separates. That is what it does best. I will lock myself up, weeks at a time in my loft, and I’ll never venture out. I can’t explain it, but when I do the grocery store it becomes a weird carnival, and I awkwardly walk its aisles. It’s a bad place for a “meltdown.”

Intensifying this, some time ago I lost my driver’s license. I was having “absence seizures” where I blacked out at the wheel. After a couple of accidents, and totaling my car, my license was revoked. So now I don’t drive. It’s the ‘right thing’ but definitely inconvenient.

The epilepsy also escalates the depression. So, at times, you pretend everything is ok, even when it decidedly is not. It’s called “coping” by some. But I’m not sure pretending is going to work.

I have the Word which comforts me in this. I also know of Jesus’ intense love for me. I don’t know if I’ll break out of this isolation, but I quit trying to predict the future. I try to take it a day at a time.

Depression is very hard to manage; but mishandling it is far worse (I’ve done both).

But even when it “blows-up-in-my-face” I know the Lord’s grace. Pretending that nothing is wrong (it is) blocks me from stepping into that grace. And it is exactly what I need. Desperately.

I want to encourage you today. The hard times make you strong. It may not seem that way now, but we must believe this is true.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

1 Corinthians 1:3-4, NASB

Depression is what happens when we can’t construct a future, today. But I know who holds the future. I choose to trust Him. He comforts me in this affliction, very well.

your brother, Bryan

 

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About Pastor Bryan Lowe

A repentant rascal with definite issues, but who is seeking to be authentic in his faith to Jesus Christ. An avid reader and a hopeful writer. Husband and father. A pastor and Bible teacher. A brain tumor survivor. Diagnosed with clinical depression, epilepsy, and now disabled. Enjoys life, such as it is, in Alaska.
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2 Responses to Is Everything OK?

  1. Tina says:

    Dear Bryan,
    It is very special what i am reading this morning from your post that depression isolates us.
    It makes 15 years that I isolate myself alot cause of my mental illness, depression, automutilation….
    On and off going to church, crying almost every time getting out of church cause of my extreme GUILT that is always there, even as when I was a teen Christain, fighting through this guilt of mine….
    These days , having started a medication, my brain is functioning better( Well, I think it is the meds or that I am on a HIGH again?? I ´ll see with time!
    Now this is my little story of last night!
    My moral is doing much better, but my physique wasn’t to great yesturday. Every Wednesday there is a reunion. Just thinking of going to church or to the reunion makes me go through alot of anxiety,cause I don’t want to get out of the house. I have a hard to see people ,BUT I went anyways and boy did it ever bless me! We were 9 people at the reunion!
    Speaking about the Lord, Praising Him, praying for one another… We were ONE in unity in the Lord!
    It really iifted me up. Hearing what others have to say… Well we feel less alone :))
    Yes, ofcoarse, I pass time with the Lord alone but yesturday it really blessed me to be with my brothers and sisters in Christ.It lifted me up 😊
    Like I said, I was Blessed and really, I was not expecting this blessing at all! I don’t remember the last time i had been blessed going to church, like that. Its
    been to long, cause I was not well and for years and years of isolation.
    This morning waking up I was happy and sad at the same time.
    Happy for being blessed . Being with the children of the Lord. Happy that i didn’t listen to myself of not wanting to go.I realize this morning that if I would not of gone, I would of pass by a big blessing for me.
    Sad because being so sick….. not wanting to see anyone, well I passed by many blessings, but I know its because I was not well, but it still makes me sad ,but I ask the Lord to give back to me and my husband all the years we have lost . To resort our hearts and souls!
    I think the Lord is opening up my eyes abit more and more and I Praise Him for that!
    May you Bryan and who ever reads this post be overwhelmed by the Blessings from the Lord and may He heal your mind, soul, and body!
    ,
    With Love and Compassion for you,
    Tina🌻

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  2. mary davis says:

    your honesty and transparency is the gift God is giving to so many; it brings us hope that we’re not beyond the reach of Love. Blessings and joy and peace, even on the bad days. You are beloved.

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