Category: kindness

Compatibility for Dummies

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Believers are to learn the skills of compatibility.  The classic definition is “to be able to exist harmoniously.”  The word is used in a dozen different fields, from agriculture to zoology.  But the particular area we are to look at is the “spiritual.”

The Holy Spirit is the prime teacher.  The same Spirit that holds me is holding you as well.  As a result we connect in a way that is profound.  This is all done supernaturally, and it is one of best arguments for the existence of God I know of.  The world is full of discord.  It is fractious and divided.  But believers can walk in harmony and love.

I was just 17 when I enlisted in the Army.  It truly was a learning experience. One of the basic principles is conforming by adaptation.  We all wore the same clothes.  Wore the same boots.  We ate together, and developed military skills together.  We also marched together in both large and small formations, keeping in step as a group.  We did lots and lots of marching, hours and hours a day.  It had a definite purpose.

Compatibility is learned; but it also is supernaturally given.  A piano player may play Mozart, because the gift lies within.  But that same musician must practice.  You could say what they have is both a talent and a skill.  In the very same way, the agreement I have with you is supernaturally easy—and physically hard.  However it is a skill to be learned.  Once we learn to do this, it will become easier and easier.

The essential foundation for this is the “Word of God.”  We can’t walk with a brother who is clearly at odds with the Bible’s teachings.  But we all know that sin is at epidemic levels, and we are all affected.  I suppose “humility” plays a huge part of staying in step with another saint.  The Lord is so gentle with the strugglers, can’t I do the same?

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”  1 Peter 3:8, ESV

Nevertheless (even with this in mind) we must be committed to the Word—first and foremost.  Everything must proceed from this common point.  Loving someone else will almost always involve servanthood.  Washing someone elses feet will almost always develop compatibility.

In Bible college I had a running feud with a fellow student.  He seemed to me to be incredibly arrogant.  Things came to an ugly head and the animosity was thick.  One day in prayer I heard the Holy Spirit speak.  “Go to your brother and wash his feet.”  I charged into his dorm room and became a servant.  I became connected to him in a profound way.

Being compatible does not mean we all do the same things.  We share the same Spirit but we don’t have the same gifts.  My theory is we are all designed with certain strengths, and proscribed weaknesses.  These make us vulnerable and open to another.  In Nehemiah 4, we read of men who built, and men who guarded.  Both were necessary.

The main issue for us is learning compatibility—and all the skills that enable us to practice unity.  We must understand, we are already connected in an amazing way.  But we must “practice” it.

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”   Phil. 2:3, ESV

 

Dealing with Arguers

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy”

Hebrews 12:14, TNIV

 

For me personally, someone in my face can be nasty and irritating.  It seems I can never say enough.  I simply don’t get any sense of having “convinced” them of my position or views.  I maintain composure (I try, anyway) and then ignite when its all over.

Inevitably, I start playing the whole ugly argument over and over.  Often, if I feel quite vulnerable, I will enlist my dear wife’s availability.  She comes to my side, where I find the support I wanted.

Intense arguments can derail me from so much.  Going to scripture in this frame of mind does me no good at all.  When I’m in this place, prayer becomes unplugged (kind of like my exercise “treadmill.”)  I sit in my chair and simmer, and occasionally boil over.

What do I need most?

  • Humility
  • Gentleness, and sensitivity
  • Kindness  
  • Pre-planning, or pre-alignment of my heart
  • A sense of humor
  • Renunciation of my “rights” and privileges

 

A lot of things could be added to my quick list, that would be helpful.  Making cookies, or doing new chores also sort out things.  If the issue is more mountain than molehill, find your way to an elder or a pastor.  But whatever you do, it’s best to keep moving.  So much is working to solidify you in one place.  It’s like walking through wet cement! (It’s best not to linger too long, in one place.)

Know this though.  Being in an argument or conflict is not sin.  They may disturb us, but we don’t necessarily have to sin.  Jesus had some whoppers in His day.  He walked into these conflagrations without a diminishing of peace or joy.  He walked out of them the same way.  He can teach us, by showing us how He did it.

Just one more thing (I’m trying hard to write a essay here.)  You don’t hear or read it very often–but, we all are models and examples to someone else.  Our children, neighbors, friends, the bank teller and our gym instructor.  Not that everyone knows of our issue, our frustration.  But that our lives are filled with a “joyous humility.”  I think what hurts me most is that I fear my witness or testimony has been damaged by my words and actions.

God is God of my everything.  He knows what happened.  He knows me, and knows them.  The sin does not impede His vision of you.  When he was on earth, he was never disturbed by any confict.  Today, he is the same.  Disputing with someone else– no problem.  He doesn’t get loose and cut you down in embarassment.  Brilliantly and lovingly, He absorbs all that concerns you.  He is more gentle than you know and kinder than any man, or woman.