As a person with a mental illness, it seems my issues are a matter of extremes. Life seems uncontrollable; the wheels seem to always ready to come off of the wagon. It strikes me as a semi-crazed place to be. I look at the “norms” with envy, as their lives are crisp, healthy, and strong.
I once met a man that had a prophetic ministry who was speaking at a local church here in Alaska. When I met with him, he looked at me intently. He said many things, but the most significant was this. “You are an unstable man; you are like water.” This was almost 30 years ago. It has been an accurate prophecy and assessment since I heard it. At first it stung, I hated it; but now, all these years later, I find a certain comfort in it. God knows me; He understands. I haven’t found any reason to be condemned for being Bipolar.
Those of us who walk the tightrope of sanity and insanity have One in heaven who not only knows us, but is on our side. Hebrews 7:25 declares:
“Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.”
I must realize that I am not the “bad apple in the barrel,” nor am I cursed. Rather the opposite is true. I am the richest of all men, because of His radical grace that gets extended to the weakest. Those who “touch” my life are blessed by their contact with me, and since I have been so unnaturally “graced,” they become blessed by His presence through me. WOW! I simply need to be me, and they are drawn to you.
The issues that a mentally ill person (and those who are often a struggler and a rascal) faces are formidable. But without His promises they are impossible. The secular view is just to create a “zero sum” game. It is to bring a person to some stupefied place of stasis. Not exactly up–but not down either. Stable, sort of.
It is very good to be stable. But my goal can not be stability, but an obedience to a supernatural God who loves me supernaturally. I simply can’t live without knowing that. However, when I know it, I can handle the tightrope. I will start to walk a “supernatural” walk.
You could say that God has a hobby, or a specialty. It is weak and handicapped people.
He loves working with us and in us. And I have become very much convinced that He pours out special favor on those of us who struggle so difficulty, those of us who will never fit in or be ‘normal.’
We need to come to that real and authentically holy place where we see God. But also in that place, and at the same time, we need to see ourselves as well. And actually, both are most critical. They are done imperfectly— but both must happen, nevertheless.
I exhort you to take on your tightrope. You will only stay upright and cross it if you are aware of His grand love and presence. It is an amazing thing to balance and walk, and if we fall? Well, we drop into His net. Get back up, and get in line again. Secure your heart into the love of God for your soul.
“Adversity is hard to endure, and can even be harder to understand. If God were really in control, why would He allow the tragic auto accident or crucial job loss? How could He permit cancer in a loved one or the death of a child? Grappling with His concern for us we ask, “Why is God allowing this?” or “What have I done wrong?”
