Category: clueless

I’m a Riddle to Myself

I’m told that courage is to do something that frightens you. That it is being strong in the face of pain and suffering. If that’s true (and I suspect that it is) then I haven’t arrived yet. I’m a spiritual “chicken.”

It seems at times I’ve been ‘gifted’ with cowardice! 😁

I also struggle with chronic depression, and am physically handicapped. I have lost the use of my right arm and hand. I no longer have any balance and must use a cane. This is due to a brain tumor I had in 2002. I’ve had over a dozen head injuries which only has compounded the ataxia.

I admit I sometimes get angry with God. I also get spiritually confused as I try to walk like Jesus wants me too. My frustration with Him is all foolishness when I think of all He has given me. I pretend.

I’m also afflicted with a terrible disease called “Facebookitist.”

I find that this blog I write sometimes covers up a multitude of my own sins. You see and read what I want you to see. I polish up things to preserve a modicum of spiritual decency. I want you to see me as faithful and triumphant. A real disciple, (but that’s often a bit of a stretch).

“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.”

“To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God’s grace means.”

“As Thomas Merton put it, “A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.”

Brennan Manning

I once was confronted by a younger believer, “I don’t know you, brother, you’re two different people.” And honestly I’m sure he was right. I am.

And what is the truth often scares me. I’m typically a coward who tries to speak the things that are real and true. I occasionally realize when I write something that’s spiritually false, and that scares me. God have mercy.

I think all I want is God’s stamp of approval. And yours as well.

I realize that I end up wanting truth which is no small thing. Many lies must be stripped away and that seems to take time. It’s like scraping away layers of varnish on a table you’re working on. I’m pretty much coated with sin. I desperately need the truth to survive.

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”

     C.S. Lewis

“Jesus comes not for the super-spiritual but for the wobbly and the weak-kneed who know they don’t have it all together, and who are not too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace.”

Brennan Manning

Invisible Pain

I posted this recently on my blog, Linda Kruschke’s Blog.

This post was inspired by a flare-up of my fibromyalgia. One of my fellow bloggers who has bipolar commented that the pain of bipolar is also a form of invisible pain. It occurred to me then that this is a perfect post for the encouragement of broken believers, many of whom struggle with some form of invisible pain, whether physical or mental pain.

flourish20

I didn’t want to write about fibromyalgia, but then I realized that sharing my struggles with this syndrome might help someone who also struggles with invisible pain.

When someone breaks a leg, suffers a severe burn, or is covered with cuts and bruises it is easy for people to see what is wrong and to sympathize. But the pain of fibromyalgia is invisible pain. From the outside, the person suffering from the pain of fibromyalgia looks just fine, and so people don’t understand what they are going through.

It is also an unpredictable pain with no easily determinable cause or trigger.

One day you feel just fine and you wake up the next day feeling like you got run over by a freight train. I’ve gone for months feeling fine, with very little pain, then suddenly every muscle in my body aches, and certain movements cause sharp pains in my legs, arms, and neck.

I try to figure out why.

I’ve had doctors give me conflicting theories of what causes this pain, and I have read conflicting theories as well. One doctor told me it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Another has told me it is caused by what I eat, by an inability of my muscles to process sugar that results in toxins in my muscles.

Another suggested it is a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that stems from some early trauma. I had also read that there was a strong link between fibromyalgia and Epstein Bar Virus (or mononucleosis), which I had when I was in junior high. Finally, I have read that it is simply hereditary.

The pain of fibromyalgia is truly invisible.

There is no medical test that shows whether someone has fibromyalgia. There is a “tender point” test in which the doctor checks 18 designated tender points on the body and if 11 or more are tender to the touch a diagnosis of fibromyalgia can be made. But even that test is somewhat subjective.

All my life I have felt pain in circumstances where someone else thought I shouldn’t have felt pain. I can remember saying something hurt when I was a kid only to be told, “That didn’t hurt.” This summer I experienced pain from something that didn’t seem like it should hurt.

I was at my cousin’s house in Houston and his granddaughter was playing with three pine cones. She kept handing them to me to play with, but the sharp points started to really hurt my hands. I said I didn’t want to play anymore because it made my hands hurt. My sister looked at me and asked, “Does that really hurt?”

Invisible pain. It’s extremely difficult to cope with sometimes.

But I know that Jesus knows how I feel, and that gives me a great deal of comfort. Although the pain Jesus experienced when He was scourged, beaten, and crucified was quite visible, He experienced an invisible pain, too. He experienced the pain of having the sin of the world laid upon Him and of His Father turning away as He cried out:

“My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?”

Matthew 27:46 (NIV).

If you struggle under the weight of invisible pain, take heart that you are not alone. Christ understands your suffering and your pain. You also have fellow Christians who understand what you are going through. The apostle Peter provided for us who suffer a wonderful encouragement in his first epistle:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. 

1 Peter 5:6-11 (NIV).

Satan would love to devour us in our pain.

He wants to make us fall and cease to be of use in God’s kingdom. But if we cling to Jesus, and cast all of our fears and anxiety on Him, He will help us to defeat Satan’s plans.

If you are struggling with invisible pain and feeling like you are at your wit’s end, leave me a comment and I would love to pray for you. It would be a blessing to me to be able to ask our Lord to strengthen you and give you peace and comfort so that you might be enabled to stand firm in your faith. Would you do the same for me?

My site is anotherfearlessyear.net, Please visit me.

 

His Very Breath

breath

“When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” 

22″ And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

John 20:20-22, ESV

The history of the world is about to be rocked! Jesus isn’t dead anymore. He joins His frightened disciples in a room that has a locked door. His stunned followers are hiding from the Pharisees, but all of this is about to abruptly change. Jesus is alive–genuine flesh and blood, as real as you or me. 

The disciples who are already afraid, are pretty much freaked out by all of this.  Fearful mutterings can be heard, “What is this… who is this…and, who left the door unlocked?” :-)

The risen Lord walks in with 22 eyes fixed on him. 

He is confident,  and walks with resurrection authority.  He holds out his hands–they see for themselves the puncture holes the nails had made.  He lifts the hem of His robe, and they saw for themselves the holes in His feet.  In spite of His brutal wounds, He shows them He indeed is the Lord Jesus Christ, the living Savior of the world!

The disciples are ecstatic! 

I see them laughing and crying and leaping around the room.  It’s like they just won the World Series (and if they had champagne everyone would be soaked). Pure joy pulsates through them.  He is very much alive!

(Hey, isn’t that Andrew, doing a backflip?)

It’s in this gonzo-intense moment, Jesus speaks–and they become very quiet.  He proceeds to impart something into their hearts and minds with a simple command, “Peace be with you” in verse 21.  Peace is a vital ingredient in the humble heart of every faithful disciple.

He directs them to complete the work that the Father had given Him.  He now extends the baton of evangelistic work to the disciples. Seeing the resurrection up close like this will drastically alter your life’s trajectory. (They’ll be further fortified by the coming of Holy Spirit at Pentecost described in Acts 2:1-4.)

It’s now time to exchange the excited emotion of the moment in order to put on work gloves.

In this Jesus does something unprecedented–He leans over each disciple and exhales on them. Now this is more than just a really weird ritual.  You see, His breath is saturated with resurrection life, and they breathe into their lungs the life of the risen Savior!  They now carry his ‘life essence,’ and in the light of Jesus’ previous statements to them, they’re going to need it.

When God created Adam, he gave him His breath, (Genesis 2:7).  But the new life is more than existence; for the believer it’s the energy to come alive supernaturally–to be recreated.

And when you’re really recreated you’ll discover the power that Jesus had when His eyes fluttered open in the tomb. It’s far more than good and noble ideas about religion.  You’ll need Jesus, and you will need to rely on his breath to lead you to wherever you’re sent.

Jesus breathes on all His witnesses.

His breath fills our lungs, his oxygen enters our blood stream, where it now powers us on both a spiritual and biochemical level.  It’s totally supernatural. You will never, ever be the same again.  Even if you tried.

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”

Romans 8:11

Be aware. No matter what your personal issues are–He’s in charge now. Are you locked in a dingy room–fearful, depressed, angry and alone? Jesus’ disciples understood all that. But they also saw the risen One, face to face.

The key to our lives as believers today is how clearly we “see” by faith the resurrected Christ.

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I have a new site: alaskabibleteacher.com

Do You Have an Anchor?

“Then fearing lest we should have fallen upon rocks, they cast four anchors out of the stern, and wished for the day.”

Paul’s voyage, Acts 27:29

“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.”

Hebrews 6:19

An anchor is used when a boat needs to connect to the sea floor. It’s typically used to moor the ship or used in a bad storm.

“A boat anchor helps keep a boat attached to one place on the ocean floor so that it does not go adrift in the sea. Likewise, a “spiritual anchor” is something that helps keep us grounded, connected to what matters most, and able to cope with the challenges that life brings.”

Hopefulness is necessary for walking through the present circumstances we must face.

It also is for our future. To live without hope can be spiritually destructive. If there is no hope for us our hearts will break into pieces.

Hopelessness comes from living without an anchor. You must have an anchor as a believer. You must.

Despair will destroy you.

 A Christian may for many days together see neither sun nor star, neither light in God’s countenance, nor light in his own heart, though even at that time God darts some beams through those clouds upon the soul; the soul again by a spirit of faith sees some light through those thickest clouds, enough to keep it from utter despair, though not to settle it in peace. In this dark condition, if they do as Paul and his company did, cast an anchor even in the dark night of temptation, and pray still for day, God will appear, and all shall clear up, we shall see light without and light within; the day-star will arise in their hearts.

     Richard Sibbes