Category: desperation

A Simple Word to the Backslidden

“I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.”

Jeremiah 24:7

First of all, I understand more than you realize. Sometimes I’m white-hot, other times I’m not. I can be enthusiastic, and then I’m not quite there. Being a believer who suddenly does not become a believer is to be in a hard place; I often struggle with this. I try to justify things, but inwardly I know, I’m just trying to find a life without Him.

I will not preach to you.

But sometimes I have cursed the day I went forward to the altar. Perhaps it was merely manipulation and my wishful thinking. Maybe I was just looking for something that would give me a meaning. I don’t know for sure. But I do know what it means to be miserable.

At this point I’m looking for something that would help me forget what really happened then. I look around for just about anything that’ll “hide” me from faith. Something that will nullify that deep down I know is true. Hiding is slowly becoming a weird art form. I seem to launch myself into anything that will cover up this pain.

Wearing a mask can be a terribly lost way of living.

But what does God’s word, the Bible say?

First God still loves me. That love cannot be degraded or diminished. It is steady and constant, even when it’s obvious that it’s undeserved or unwelcome. I may try to ignore it but that doesn’t change Him. He is in love with you, and He is trying to woo you into His presence. You’ll never be able to minimize that.

Second, we somehow understand that sin (whatever that means) is very real, even if we try hard to cover it up. When I backslide, much effort must be given to hiding and escaping this awareness. Often, I choose to look to things that might seem relatively good, but if the truth be told it’s nothing more than escaping what is real.

So, what happens next?

Do I swallow my pride and ego, or do I keep building up a resistance to what is true and real? Do I keep faking to avoid His presence, or do I turn again to Him and find His mercy and love still waiting for me? This is your decision, monumental, but very much your next step.

His love for you is deep and solid. Your attempt to escape it doesn’t nullify that. You may pursue anything or everything, trying to “hide” but it really amounts to nothing. You may count on pleasure or happiness from sin, but its continuance never really lasts. You know this, and I know this. And it doesn’t really work, does it?

Coming to Jesus a second time must be your very next step.

You’ll never find any kind of peace until you return to Jesus.

Please, if you wish, contact me at slowe299@yahoo.com. I will try to take up any issue you might have. I’ll also pray and believe that God will bring you home. Please connect with me.

“I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, For My anger has turned away from him.”

Hosea 14:4

Sin Destroys People that God Loves

Being a sinner does not mean that God doesn’t love you; rather I believe God loves you even more. This is not logical or rational. But His agape love for you goes beyond what is acceptable or sensible.

The Father runs to you. “And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20.)

Please don’t doubt, but just believe.

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

Romans 5:8

Let Him see your repentance, that which fully understand the sin which has been destroying you. For some of this, we know. Nobody needs to convince us.

“Because salvation is by grace through faith, I believe that among the countless number of people standing in front of the throne and in front of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palms in their hands (see Revelation 7:9),

I shall see the prostitute from the Kit-Kat Ranch in Carson City, Nevada, who tearfully told me that she could find no other employment to support her two-year-old son. I shall see the woman who had an abortion and is haunted by guilt and remorse but did the best she could face with grueling alternatives; the businessman besieged with debt who sold his integrity in a series of desperate transactions; the insecure clergyman addicted to being liked, who never challenged his people from the pulpit and longed for unconditional love; the sexually abused teen molested by his father and now selling his body on the street, who, as he falls asleep each night after his last ‘trick’, whispers the name of the unknown God he learned about in Sunday school.

‘But how?’ We ask.

Then the voice says, ‘They have washed their robes and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’

There they are. There we are – the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life’s tribulations, but through it all clung to faith.

My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace.”

Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

Please consider this that He spoken to us.

“He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector…’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’”

Luke 18:9-10, 13, ESV

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

C.S. Lewis

I’m Always Disappointing Myself

We read of the “Romans 7” man.

  • For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.
  • For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 
  • For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 

Romans 7:18-19, ESV

When we struggle like this we can safely assume that we’re trying to be holy and accepted by God apart from the grace of God. Our efforts to please Him fall woefully short. This frustration is when we try to keep the Law and neglect to walk in the Spirit.

To be disappointed in your behavior is not grace. To continue living like this becomes deception and hypocrisy. Most of all it creates a vicious wall between your walk and God’s love. A barrier between you and others.

The tension of Romans 7 is real. Every believer will encounters it.

The Scriptures teach us the depravity of man. All we do, even our best efforts and noblest actions are selfish and corrupt. As we understand this we end up realizing that there is a vast gulf between our aspirations and our actions.

“We are all infected and impure with sin.
    When we display our righteous deeds,
    they are nothing but filthy rags.”

Isaiah 64:6

We have a problem when our heart doesn’t match our actions. I’ve worked through the obvious. And yet it gets a little hairy when our ‘little’ sins are visible to others. We feel like hypocrites and we know that our testimony is officially ‘toast.’

“Many have passed the rocks of gross sins – who have suffered shipwreck upon the sands of self-righteousness.”

    William Secker

Romans 7 describes what is wrong with us, it seems we are attempting to please God by our own efforts.

In Romans 7 we read of a man who is constantly disappointed in himself. It can be wrenching to read– partly because it is so real. It describes us too well. At times the Word is like looking into a mirror.

“How can you be so inconsistent? I feel like there are two ‘Bryans,’ I don’t understand how you can live like this.”

This is what a dear friend said to me recently. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t know how to answer. It was a bit embarrassing, but I couldn’t respond. Later, the Spirit ministered to me while praying about it.

The Lord spoke in my heart, “You’re much worse than he realizes. Don’t you dare defend yourself!”

I now realize I should have said this to my friend. “You’re absolutely right, I am a bit of a flake. But you only see the veneer, deep down  I’m much worse than you will ever know. I can’t defend my actions, and I desperately need a Savior. Would you pray for me to work this out? I need Jesus”

The daily struggle with sin and personal failure is sometimes more visible than we would like. Even as a believer I can and do sin. That should surprise no one, and yet, it seems I’m the most amazed when sin inevitably breaks out. At times I feel like I specialize in inconsistency.

I wonder when we boldly ‘strut’ into His presence if the angels don’t ‘roll their eyes?’

Whenever we come before God, we should never show up with our list of great things we have recently done for Him. It won’t be accepted. They are at best, filthy rags. They’re not fit for a King’s court. But yet we keep coming, parading our dirty, grimy rags.

We keep forgetting that only Christ’s righteousness is accepted in God’s eyes.

“The greatest enemy to human souls is the self-righteous spirit which makes men look to themselves for salvation.”

Charles Spurgeon


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I Could Not Stop Bleeding

“A woman suffering from bleeding for twelve years, who had spent all she had on doctors and yet could not be healed by any, approached from behind and touched the end of his robe. Instantly her bleeding stopped.

Who touched me?” Jesus asked.

When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds are hemming you in and pressing against you.”

Luke 8:43-45

I had to touch Him. I had to reach out and somehow get His attention. It was no longer an option. I bled all the time and it wouldn’t stop. It was constant, and it had been 12 miserable years. There was no one else who could stop this, no doctor, no medicine. I was so desperate. It had to stop, it was killing me.

I had spent so much money on so many doctors.

I had nothing left. Each doctor promised a cure and my hopes were always dashed. A few days ago I heard about Jesus, I heard about His power to raise the dead and heal every disease. I don’t really know why, but I somehow knew He could heal me.

Perhaps this was really it, I thought. There was a big problem though, I was ritually unclean and all that I touched was unclean. The temple was off-limits and I had been cut off from sacrifice and forgiveness. In my darker moments, I remember thinking that perhaps God really had forsaken me?

After all, it had been 12 long years.

What I had to do must be done secretly. I knew I just had to touch this man. I would have to wriggle my way through the crowd to get close enough. This wasn’t right and if I couldn’t get close enough I somehow knew I’d be taken to task for my foolishness.

But oh I was so sick and weak. I was unclean.

Just a touch was all I needed. I knew the He had the power. I just knew it. So I listened and tried to understand His busy itinerary. I must figure out how to get to Him, you see, everything depended on that connection.

It somehow worked. I just managed to grab just the tassel of His ceremonial Pharisee-approve head covering (ironic isn’t it).

And immediately the flow stopped. Just like that! I felt it and knew what happened.

“Christ is the Good Physician. There is no disease He cannot heal; no sin He cannot remove; no trouble He cannot help.”

    James H. Aughey

   

Bryan Lowe