I’ve gone through many awful things—stuff that should have destroyed me. Things so bitter and hard it’s a wonder that I’ve even survived. I’m not overstating and not melodramatic. I know that I’m still standing because of grace and mercy that God has given.
The other day I stepped into a gym where a Church potluck was happening. Now I’ve been in constant pain for several months and it’s been terribly hard. Standing and waiting on the line to get shorter, I distinctly heard something that seemed to come out of the blue.
“Pain is now your friend.”
That thought definitely did NOT originate from me. Initially, it was absurd. Bizarre. I stood in that crowd, rocked by that idea, “pain is now your friend.” I can’t explain it, nor can I diminish it. Obviously, the idea was not conjured up or produced by my conjecture or reasoning. It is exactly what it is.
A day later I came across this thought.
“I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the rock of ages.”
C.H. Spurgeon
Can I kiss that wave? Can I discount all the difficulties that pain has caused in my life? Now I admit I had been praying quite earnestly for God to take me. That may be a shock to some, I know. But I’ve had enough of this misery. Enough! Bring me home. I’m so tired of this.
What crushed me did not crush God’s purposes for me.
Much could be said about this, but what could not destroy me needs to make me aware. I have been given a “hard” gift. I have endured much hurt. And even now, as I typed out this post, I still am in pain. Why?
There is a definite purpose why. That pain is my friend, my companion. For how long, I do not know. But I do know that I will kiss that wave, for it presses me to my Savior. I cannot explain it, because it’s foolish and counterintuitive. I’m not trying to ignore its presence, nor am I trying to paint “a happy face” on it.
“During this time now, we have troubles and pain. But I am sure that these troubles are not really very great. One day God will show us all the great things he has prepared for us. That will make the troubles that we have now seem very small.”
Romans 8:18, RB
Yes, dear one, pain is one of my best friends. Nothing else could have reached me, I needed some hard “medicine” because I could not understand this any other way.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
2 Corinthians 1:4, ESV
I think I now know why.
Some will not understand, that’s ok. I’m glad they don’t.
“Suffering is unbearable if you aren’t certain that God is for you and with you.”
I lived in the inner city of San Francisco from 1986-1989. I was a full-time missionary and lived in community called SOS. There were about 10 believers, and we were committed to doing high visibility evangelism, “taking the Church on the street.” We all lived in an old Victorian in the Mission district.
I will not minimize the difficulty and danger of the streets combined with our ministry’s approach. Not only was it hard, but we also lived in a hard place. Our neighbors were heroin addicts, and we lived just a couple of doors down from the “largest lesbian rock-roll bar west of the Mississippi.”
Directly behind our house was an alley that was as bad as you can imagine; addicts and winos had basically taken over. It was full of trash, feces, and urine. And in the hot summer it would make your eyes water. It really was awful.
Please keep reading.
One hot summer day I decided to clean up part of our alley. Armed with an old broom, laundry detergent, a hose (and courage) I headed out to scrub away. It took some doing; it was somewhat nauseating.
I noticed a small hole in the corner of the wall. I reached in to discover a well-used heroin needle hidden inside. I ran that needle into my hand.
I really didn’t think much about it at the time.
About six months later I was in San Francisco General outpatient for AIDS testing. I had been terribly tired and had lost some weight. Perhaps I had been infected? It was funny but a part of all of this was having to sit in a circle with a dozen gay men being instructed about safe sex practices. (I remember bananas and condoms were used.)
It was 1987, and AIDS testing was still primitive; it took 6 weeks for the results.
That wait was a bit of a challenge. I cried out to the Lord many times. Since the symptoms got even worse, I started to think the worse. I was thinking, “was this considered martyrdom?” or “I can’t ask Lynn to marry me now.” (I had been thinking about this up to then.)
I was positive that I had AIDS.
About 20 years later I discovered I had contracted HCV, Hepatitis C. I had a good doctor who knew his stuff. Although my liver had been damaged by that point, he guided me through a maze of testing and found a new med that was supposed to have good results. It did, thank God. I had finally been cured.
Lynnie and I were married on January 7, 1989.
What can I say really? I know the Lord directly intervened. We returned to Alaska where I was asked to teach at the Alaska Bible Institute. I was able to draw on my many experiences with SOS in San Francisco to touch the hearts of young men and women going into ministry.
Lynnie and I went on to pastor a Church in 2000.
Only God can bring good out of something bad.
“OLordmy God, I cried to You for help, and You have healed me.”
Psalm 30:2
“Christ is the Good Physician. There is no disease He cannot heal; no sin He cannot remove; no trouble He cannot help. He is the Balm of Gilead, the Great Physician who has never yet failed to heal all the spiritual maladies of every soul that has come unto Him in faith and prayer.”
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” —Unknown
“Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also.“
Genesis 1:16
“We wake, if ever at all, to mystery.” –Annie Dillard
It struck me this morning that we live in a ‘coarse’ age. I meet so many people who don’t seem to enjoy life at all. They seem to view things without ‘seeing’ them. There is mystery all around, and yet we seem to lack the faculties to perceive it. We probably would rather play X-box than write a poem, paint a portrait, or gaze through a telescope.
The older I get, the more life astonishes me. There is so much mystery saturating my life: nature, the night sky, a tiny baby, and my hands– all just ‘skimming the surface.’ When I consider the multi-layered complexity of life, I tend to ‘short-out.’
God reveals Himself as, ‘the God of wonders.’ When I consider our phenomenal universe with more than a million billion galaxies, I start to lose it. Once I camped on a remote beach in Mexico. There wasn’t any electricity, so at night it really got dark. Lying on my back I saw the ‘Milky Way’ for perhaps the first time. It was magnificent! But suddenly I was afraid. I ran back to my tent terrified. I guess I got ‘overloaded’ by all that I saw. I was shaking by seeing the awesome revelation of a creative God.
“When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?”
Psalm 8:3-4, NKJV
For the freshly awakened believer, it is almost beyond belief to see so many people ‘sleepwalking’ through life. The somnambulistic masses move through life with nary an inkling of what it is all about. They are completely oblivious as it would seem; they are unable to see the wonders of creation, much less than the Creator. The enemy blinds so many to God’s presence and His redemption. The darkness is almost palpable.
“Declare His glory among the nations, His wonders among all peoples.”
Psalm 96:3
“I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.”— Harry Emerson Fosdick
“Youarethe Godwho does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples.”
Psalm 77:14
“When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?” Psalm 8:3-4, NKJV For the freshly awakened believer, it is almost beyond belief to see so many people ‘sleepwalking’ through life. The somnambulistic masses move through life with nary an inkling of what it is all about. They are completely oblivious as it would seem; they are unable to see the wonders of creation, much less than the Creator. The enemy blinds so many to God’s presence and His redemption. The darkness is almost palpable. “Declare His glory among the nations, His wonders among all peoples.” Psalm 96:3 “I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.”— Harry Emerson Fosdick “Youarethe Godwho does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples.” Psalm 77:14 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?”
Psalm 8:3-4, NKJV
For the freshly awakened believer, it is almost beyond belief to see so many people ‘sleepwalking’ through life. The somnambulistic masses move through life with nary an inkling of what it is all about. They are completely oblivious as it would seem; they are unable to see the wonders of creation, much less than the Creator. The enemy blinds so many to God’s presence and His redemption. The darkness is almost palpable.
“Declare His glory among the nations, His wonders among all peoples.”
Psalm 96:3
“I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.”— Harry Emerson Fosdick
“Youarethe Godwho does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples.”
2 Chronicles 20:15–22
Broken Believers 