Tag: mental illness

Yearning for Sonship

InnerStruggle

The world is an intensely flawed place. Nothing is as it should be, yet. Our hope is in God”s will to recast it a new heavens and new earth. The Lord has started to redeem it, commencing with us.

Things aren’t in order yet. But they will be very soon. We pray, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” This earnest prayer echoes and resounds in heaven. It is the believer’s heart-cry. It is our dream. Soon– but not yet.

22 “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

Romans 8:22-25, NIV

We add our groans to a creation already groaning. We lament together with the cry of a woman giving birth. It is a holy agony. But the contractions have started, and soon there will be a new birth.

 “As we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship” is our passion– it is what we are waiting for. I suppose this is at the core of our faith– sonship. And to walk out of this present darkness as whole men and women, cloaked in the Father’s holy glory.

As a man who struggles with mental illness here I am. I deal with this everyday. The meds, the hopelessness, and the depression. I have to be reminded that this is temporary, and that I will be redeemed completely. I will not be bipolar forever. My shuffling and scootching will get me to my goal eventually. I trust Him implicitly.

Brokenbeliever, don’t lose hope. Hold on to the faith that will fully redeem you. It won’t be long now.

aabryscript

Flourish-61

Blisters & Porcupines: How We Learn to Love

Dog vs. Porcupine

“Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new.”

2 Cor. 5:17, CEV

“I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord.”

Philippians 4:2

I learned about blisters learning to ride a horse.  Starting out I envisioned John Wayne, and every ‘cowboy’ movie I had ever seen.  Being 11 years old, gave me tremendous wisdom and experience.  Needless to say I gave up after being thrown headfirst three times.  The ground was very hard, and I’m sure the horse thought it was hilarious.

I also got blisters on my butt from the saddle.  Funny, I healed up pretty quick from the ‘throws’ but not so much when it came these tiny sores.  They were the worst pain I ever confronted in my short life.  These excruciating little carbuncles caused me several days of grief.  (My mom got me a pillow to sit on at the supper table).

There are blisters on the Body of Christ.  Little sores from too much rubbing.  Over time of contact, there comes an abrading and a redness.  Soon after it will deepen and get larger in size.  It’s very possible you will not notice until it is too late to avoid it.

So many of us are like porcupines.  (I think they are the official Christian mascot.) When challenged our quills get deployed.  A porcupine is pretty much defensive focused rodent.  It is only when handled that it will get riled up.  Again, many of us are reasonably passive, but when crossed we have a real problem.  Some have tamed this response, and as a result are more approachable than others. Others will lash back.

Our relationships will be a continual issue for us.  We will often meet people who will trigger a response in us.  Some have a ‘hair trigger’ around certain people they meet in their day.  We generally surround ourselves with those we’re compatible with. Part of the reason is that it is taxing and it requires so much energy to extend our quills. 

We learn to steer clear of personalities that are not worth the level to maintain. But generally “porcupine people” teach us more than we realize. I think that is their true purpose.

How we treat each other as believers is critical.  We must beseech the Lord to give us soft and loving hearts.  He was compassionate to us when we were so abrasive to Him (and others).  We need to see that we are not called to be compatible– we are called to love.

Part of our transformation will come when we learn to serve.  When we surrender our rights, and humbly submit, something changes in us.  We will become like Jesus (long-term) when we become like Jesus (short-term).  It is all on you.

aabryscript

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Embracing the Simplicity

Look to be simple
Look to be simple

A Prayer of a Simple Man

I am not worthy, Master and Lord, that thou shouldst come under the roof of my soul: yet, since thou in thy love toward all men, dost wish to dwell with me, in boldness I come.  Thou commandest, Open the gates– which thou alone has forged; and thou will come in with love toward all men, as is thy nature; thou will come in and enlighten my dark reasoning.

I believe that thou will doest: for thou didst not send away the harlot who came to thee with tears; nor cast out the repenting publican; nor reject the thief who acknowledged thy kingdom; nor forsake the repentant persecutor, a yet greater act; but all of those who came to thee in repentance, didst count in the band of thy friends, who alone abidest blessed forever, now, and unto the everlasting ages.

St. John of Chrysostom, c. 347-407

Bryan’s Note:

Unquestionably, the use of archaic English is a bit of a linguistic speed bump for us.  But the essential content develops for us to see a hungry heart; a heart that understands the Gospel. And mercy. And grace.  John has a fascinating understanding of the purposes of Jesus, and seeks to honor Him before all who hear the Spirit’s voice.

His time, allotted to him by God was about 60 years.  He would remain faithful and pass a blazing torch to the next generation.  He was a link from the Apostles to a more modern generation.  As a bipolar believer, I sometimes will struggle with clarity; of both words and thought.  I value anyone who can concisely touch on the things that concern me.  I think St. John does that, if we are patient and work it through, we will be blessed and enriched.

Our very unsteadiness is often detrimental. As our moods shift around we still carry the hope that we might just wake up tomorrow solid and strong. Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and clinical depression has completely messed with us, we are ravaged as broken believers. Often, we make very bad decisions that only inflame our mental illness.

Becoming simple can often cool things down. We become aware that as we embrace the simplicity we find the “eye of the storm.” In the chaotic and confused (often self-inflicted) we just might find peace.

“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” — William Wallace

ybic, Bryan

kyrie elesion. (Lord, have mercy)

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A Pastor’s Transformation

Pastor-homeless-peoplePastor Jeremiah Steepek (pictured left) transformed himself into a homeless person and went to the 10,000 member church that he was to be introduced as the head pastor at that morning. He walked around his soon to be church for 30 minutes while it was filling with people for service, only 3 people out of the 7-10,000 people said hello to him. He asked people for change to buy food – NO ONE in the church gave him change. He went into the sanctuary to sit down in the front of the church and was asked by the ushers if he would please sit n the back. He greeted people to be greeted back with stares and dirty looks, with people looking down on him and judging him.

As he sat in the back of the church, he listened to the church announcements and such. When all that was done, the elders went up and were excited to introduce the new pastor of the church to the congregation. “We would like to introduce to you Pastor Jeremiah Steepek.” The congregation looked around clapping with joy and anticipation.

The homeless man sitting in the back stood up and started walking down the aisle. The clapping stopped with ALL eyes on him. He walked up the altar and took the microphone from the elders (who were in on this) and paused for a moment then he recited– Matthew 25:31-46.

 “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne.32 All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. 42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. 43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’

44 “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’

45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’

46 “And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.”

After he recited this, he looked towards the congregation and told them all what he had experienced that morning. Many began to cry and many heads were bowed in shame. He then said, “Today I see a gathering of people, not a church of Jesus Christ. The world has enough people, but not enough disciples. When will YOU decide to become disciples?”

He then dismissed service until next week.

Being a Christian is more than something you claim. It’s something you live by and share with others.

flourishx

Bryan’s Note: Some have made this account to be nothing more than a “urban myth,” kind of a good piece of  Christian “schlock” that never happened. I personally can’t say for sure. I simply can’t vouch for its veracity. But all I really know is that it speaks to me in many ways about following Jesus. For that alone, I am thankful.

More of Jesus, less of Bryan.

ybic, Bryan

kyrie elesion.

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