Category: devotional

Broken Dreams, On a Friend’s Suicide

This is a guest post from TheNorEaster, hope it blesses!

A TheNorEaster Post.

An old buddy of mine from high school recently committed suicide.

I cried myself to sleep the night I got the news, praying passionately and begging God to have mercy upon him.

John was the last person I would ever expect to take his own life. He always was quick with a joke, and his laughter was contagious.

When I got the news, I was fortunate enough to be with my best friend, who eventually asked, “How many is that?”

“Exposures?”

“And the people you were especially close to.”

“Mike shot himself, Ken’s two neighbors had some kind of ritual, Adrian stabbed his social worker to death to get shot by a cop, Judy’s killer hung herself in prison after beating her to death with a sledgehammer, Neal’s father-in-law shot himself, I don’t know how Kim did it, and then there was Britany, Terry, Nancy.

“And now, John. That’s ten, I think. It wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t so many.”

Each new loss compounds the previous ones. And I kept wondering when it all would end, when my grief would finally pass — when I could, at long last, get on with my life.

As I write these words now, I realize these trials are my life. And that the only way anyone can ever avoid grief is pure apathy.

I grieve because I care. And I mourn because I have loved.

If there ever was a way to love somebody without ever getting hurt, or burned, even betrayed — Well, I sure wish somebody would put it in The Suggestion Box.

I’d be lying if I said that I am not angry at John. He left behind a wife. Two children. But, I also know, from what I know, that John covered his own wounds very well.

Until the blood of his wounds soaked through the bandage.

It has been said that America is “The Land of Opportunity.” And we are taught to pursue our dreams with ferocious tenacity — be it writing a book or making music or simply starting a family.

In the midst of it all, we sometimes forget that life is not, at all, fair. That those who live good and respectable lives come upon atrocious times. And that those who do achieve their dreams — even one as seemingly simple as starting a family, like John — do indeed have their own wounds with which to contend.

As I consider this, I cannot help but wonder — What is the purpose of a dream?

To achieve? To inspire? To be rich? Or famous?

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave — just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
~Matthew 20:26-28

God sure does everything backwards, doesn’t He?

So, is it just possible that the relentless pursuit of a dream is a symptom of our spiritual poverty? Doesn’t Scripture tell us to be content? And yet, how can we possibly be content if we always want to be where we are not?

I am very much aware that those questions do sound discouraging. And, in fact, they are discouraging — until we consider the truth behind Psalm 37:4:

“Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

For the longest time, I thought that passage was some sort of trade off, that if I took “delight in the LORD” then my dreams certainly would come true.

But, I realize now that what I have wanted — and even what I still do want — is so very rarely what God wants.

And that is why, to be sure, that delighting in the Lord does not mean getting what we want, but instead means that God gives us desires in our hearts to serve Him — in humility, with gratitude, and, above all, out of love.

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”

And if my dreams must die that I may yet have a measure of greatness in the eyes of God, if I still must endure the terrible loss of my old buddy, if I need struggle with depression to run the race, if I must face my own foolishness in my fourth suicide attempt last year, if being broken is the cross I must carry in this life to see my precious Father face to Face…

…I’d say a few broken dreams cannot possibly compare to such heavenly glory.

“Sunset is Morning.”

Please check out TheNorEaster’s terrific blog at: http://thenoreaster.wordpress.com/

14 Odd Scraps About Me for Facebook…

  1. I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at a very young age, lol.
  2. My parents were very young, my mom 16 and my dad was almost 18.
  3. I grew up in Northern Wisconsin. In a brick farmhouse. I used a hand-pump and an outdoor toilet for awhile.
  4. I was very close to my great-grand parents, Ben and Eva Tarbox.
  5. I joined the Army when I was 17, and stationed in Hawaii, was a hospital corpsmen.
  6. When discharged I came to Homer, Alaska to attend the Alaska Bible Institute. I graduated in 1984.
  7. Lynn and I met in 1987 in San Francisco, we married in 1989 and lived in the city for several months.
  8. I was stranded for 36 hours in a small car north of Fairbanks in January 1986. It got down to 30 below zero. A week later I was almost burned to death in a cabin fire. I have lots of scar tissue on my back.
  9. I drove an old van from Mexico to Alaska in 1998, I patched a big hole in the gas tank using a bar of lye soap. I drove it all the way to Homer without it leaking. Go figure.
  10. I pastored Kachemak Bay Christian Church for three years. I loved it.
  11. I had several medical crisis’ beginning in 2002. Brain surgery was needed, I found I had contracted HCV in 2003.
  12. I aspire to be a writer. I’m now negotiating with a publisher. I also have three blogs.
  13. I have severe tinnitus. I hear noise all the time. It gets old.
  14. As a boy, my dream was to be a writer, or a forester.

When He Questions You

  1. “But what about you?” he asked.
  2. “Who do you say I am?”

Matthew 16:15, NIV

I would suggest to you, that these two questions are quite pivotal and critical.  Nothing explains a man or woman more.  Nothing means more, or is of greater consequence than how you answer these two questions. One by one, we are led to this particular place, and it is required of us to explain ourselves.  And essentially that is what will happen.  We have to come to a decision.

“What about you?”  The first question asked, reduces us and causes us to come to a place of personal responsibility.  We dare not sidestep, or look for an emergency exit.  The issue, front and center is “you.”  It must be stated that questions like this one is not a way to stay popular.  You don’t win people’s hearts like this.  “What about you?”  In my mind this is a whole lot of personal decision-making.  Commitment is not easy.  (And if it is too easy, be very alert.)

The second question, “Who do you say that I am?” is masterful.  Jesus is speaking to those close disciples.  Essentially he is asking them to decide, once and for all, his placement into their lives. 

  • Is he a good teacher?
  • A healer?
  • A revolutionary or social catalyst?
  • A prophet?

He is all of these–but much more.  It’s interesting that Jesus never took a lesser position.  He was the “Son of God.”  He comes to us, and asks us to decide for ourselves.

The decision awaits us.  When we gather up information to evaluate him, it isn’t “Trivial Pursuit.”  Our decisions are quite significant and defining.  This here are the ultimate “fork in the road.”  Our lives will extrapolate out and then take us to places we never thought we would be.  Jesus knows this, he understands us.

In conclusion, another question.  Are you even ready to be addressed with these two ultimatums?  Are you in a “good place” where you are even approachable?  We all must go through this gauntlet of blazing truth, and decide for oneself.  Truly blessed is the person who will not stumble in this place of decision.

 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!

Deut. 30:19, NLT

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Coincidence: When God Hides

coincidence1

“‘O Sovereign Lord, you have only begun to show your greatness and the strength of your hand to me, your servant. Is there any god in heaven or on earth who can perform such great and mighty deeds as you do?”‘

Deuteronomy 3:24, NLT

I knew God had a sense of humor when I hesitantly answered the ringing K-Mart payphone, only to hear my best friend, who had misdialed my home phone number, on the other end.

When God really does speak, He will often use circumstance to align His grace and power to you. Seldom are we untouched by this work, but the act of our personal reflection turns it into gold.

Once I prayed for my young son who had a blazing fever. Five minutes later, I laid hands on him. He was completely cool; his fever had completely broken. He was well.

I think God can do these things, and more. This is really His control over circumstances, and events that we see as firmly set, and concretely beyond our own actions. But He moves miraculously intervenes. There comes a moment when all the cosmic tumblers fall into place, and the key can be turned; the door is opened.

Walking with friends from Alaska, we wormed our way down Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley. The streets and sidewalks were jammed, and our little village in Alaska was like on a different planet. Suddenly, my friend turned around to see his captain, the owner of his fishing boat come out a door of a coffee house and into the throng. Monte yelped and turned to meet his boss. They meet 5000 miles from home in one implausible moment.

These things seem a strange and supernatural “sequences of events.” But the Bible clearly teaches that one attribute of His nature is that of omnipotence. Another attribute is that of sovereignty. Together they teach us that God is fully in control and can do all things. He is so much more, but He is solidly in charge of His universe. And our lives.

 “How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you. We have never even heard of another God like you!;”

2 Samuel 7:22

“O Sovereign Lord, the strong one who rescued me,
    you protected me on the day of battle.”

Psalm 140:7

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.

Albert Einstein