Toxic Shame

“My disgrace is before me all day long,
and shame has covered my face.”

Psalm 44:15

Some years ago while in prayer I saw myself, apart of God. There was a marble fountain abandoned in a gorgeous courtyard. It was beautiful. As I looked I realized that it didn’t have clean fresh water like you might think, but it spewed feces and urine. It was gross, it was awful, and I immediately understood.

I suddenly realized that I was that marble fountain, and I was spouting out only filth.

Being ashamed is cruelty that can only destroy a person. We think we must have defense mechanisms to survive. We drink, use drugs, and get involved with sex. Some might put on a tie and raise their hands during our church worship time. Whatever works I suppose. Almost always shame drives us to look for ways to escape.

People who live with shame often feel worthless, depressed, and anxious.

Shame can be a contributing factor to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. People who are constantly ashamed live out a difficult emotional and mental battle each and every day.

The Hebrew word for “shame” is disgrace, confusion, or dishonor.

I believe only the power and blood of Jesus can purify me. Only He has the ability to clean my spirit. In the New Testament, we see Jesus healing the leper with just a touch. Shame will be removed from your heart when He touches your own “leprosy” of sin.

Here are things you must consider.

  • Shame separates me from God.
  • Shame is a sign of self-hatred.
  • Shame makes me feel like giving up.
  • Shame leads me to go out and sin more.
  • Shame destroys the gifts that He is waiting for me to serve others.
  • Shame makes me judgemental and critical of others.
  • Shame weakens the Church in ways I can’t comprehend.

God intends to move you out of shame and guilt. You must have faith to put His Word into practice before you can be really free. It will probably be a battle–every day. Faith is the only way to freedom. The following promise is crucial.

“But if we confess our sins to him, he can be depended on to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. And it is perfectly proper for God to do this for us because Christ died to wash away our sins.”

1 John 1:9, LB

I must reiterate this, and use the authority God has given to me as a teacher of the Word, please shake off the humiliation you live in. You must do this.

Unless you step completely away from the shame of your life you’ll be destroyed by the enemy. I dare not pull any punches with you. I don’t mean to be hard, I really don’t. But I do understand. I really do.

“Once again you will have compassion on us. You will tread our sins beneath your feet; you will throw them into the depths of the ocean!”

Micah 7:19

You can be free from sin and shame. God has a way.

It is the cross of Jesus, and by His blood–that is the only way sin and shame can be cleansed from our lives. There is nothing else in the whole universe that will do this. Only the red blood can turn the black into white.

I strongly suggest you share your battle with another believer who will understand and be discreet. (Sharing this maybe is the step you’re missing?)

Shame is the ugly fountain that only produces deadly things. It’s that shame that keeps me from understanding that I’m the beloved of God and His precious child.

 

You Must Take Him Out

1 Samuel 17, ESV

Men are going to die unless something happens. But then up steps David, he is untried in battle, but within him is an eager commitment to a faith in Jehovah.  Fear has consumed the hearts and minds of the Jews, which are now full of ‘scary Goliath fears’ and confusion. 

These guys are pretty much scared.  The Scripture says “they were terrified and deeply shaken.” This is an irrational fear. It’s not from God.

David steps out and into the confusion.  He is just a shepherd boy, but he’s resistant to the fear that attacks his brothers.  He identifies the giant before him as evil, and that giant stands in the way of the Father’s will.  David advances without fear.

The space once occupied by fear has been filled up by faith.

This story, is much more than a story.  It may entertain schoolchildren, but it is so much more for us as believers.  Most definitely you will be called upon to face a Goliath of your own.  He’s waiting for you, and you must step forward in faith.

So much points to Goliath’s superiority. 

He is a man-of-war; dedicated, well trained in the ways of death.  Goliath is confident that he will destroy you.  But David steps out.  He is trusting in God alone.  He steps forward with no armor but God.

David is about to kill Goliath, with just a stone from his sling. 

He swings, throws and embeds a rock into the giants forehead– right between his eyes!  The giant collapses, and David moves forward,  and he cuts off the giant’s head. 

Each of us face an enormous evil. 

We’re facing something that is monstrous and destructive.  We cannot reason with it.  We can only face it with the weapons the Father provides for us.  When we advance to that source, we must do so with a faith that is real and undefeated.

Some reading this are pounded with failure.  I understand. But you’re called to take out your personal darkness.

At times, we think that we can negotiate our way to victory.  We hope to rationalize our enemy away by thinking positively about him.  We think we can move against him by being clever.  That does not work.

“By the strength of God’s grace, you trusted the Almighty and conquered your Goliath. The first giant is dead. Satan is masquerading as your former enemy so he can slip past your faith and regain entrance into your life. Resist him.”

     Francis Frangipane

   

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The Coming Train Wreck

Amos 3:7, ESV

We are witnessing something terrible.  Worldwide whole societies are being destroyed.  We’re more or less simple bystanders, there is really nothing we can do that can change the inevitable.  However, the survivors will need our assistance.  So we will wait for the inevitable crash, we pray, and anticipate a chance to bring our Savior’s love into the awful melee.

Things are accelerating far beyond what we think. 

This heightens the tension, which should make us alert and aware.  We make assumptions of the upcoming derailment which may, or may not be accurate.  But we all sense something dreadful and foreboding is approaching.

We are witnessing a train wreck.

Something disturbing is coming down.  It’s said that just before a big thunderstorm, the birds head for safety, they simply disappear.  The birds know this, and yet it seems, and yet we’re still trying to connect the dots.  We look at the skies, but yet we don’t quite understand the signs.

The crisis that is coming will stagger the unbeliever. It will certainly challenge the believer.

We must be ready ourselves.  Our viewpoint of eternity will become a much needed necessity for those who go through the devastation of the train wreck.  It’s what will pull us and others through some black and bleak times. We must prepare ourselves.

We can ask for grace, not just to help us, but to help them.

When the storm gets close, the best we can do is to head for the “storm cellar.”  As a boy, growing up in the Midwest, I have clear and distinct memories of heading for that basement shelter, with my dad and mom.  When a tornado is coming the only thing we can do is find shelter.  To choose to hide, and to take cover is both prudent and wise.

While things are collapsing, we need to find comfort in His shelter. 

His wings shelter us as believers, and we must find refuge in that precious and intimate place.  So much news is grim, and we can so easily slip into depression and despair.  We look around, but we must turn directly to these wings that cover us.  We’re protected and sheltered in that place, but only in that place.

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.”

Psalm 91:1-2

We should rest, and consciously put our own souls under His care. 

Some may look at everything and then decide to step into the storm in order to shut it down.  But brother, we can’t stop it, for it’s of the Lord.  Quite a few of the prophets in the Old Testament saw and understood what was going to happen soon, but they couldn’t do anything against Babylon or Assyria.  But with their voices they strengthened and encouraged others against an outrageous brutality.

That is something that’s going to be critically needed. It is a good thing, and it’s what we’re being called to do.

God has brought you to this particular spot. He has put you into this moment in time. You must take your place. Be alert, stay on guard. We’re put into this place by the Father.

Esther 4:14

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Flying Lessons

Sometimes it’s best to use bullet points; they help me think.

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. 

  • I want to do what is right, but I can’t.  

  • I want to do what is good, but I don’t.

  • I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.

But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.”

Romans 7:18-20, NLT

“How can you be so inconsistent? I feel like there are two ‘Bryans,’ I don’t understand how you can live like this.”

This is what a dear friend said to me recently. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t know how to answer. It was a bit embarrassing, but I couldn’t respond. Later, the Spirit ministered to me while praying about it.

The Lord spoke, “He has no idea how bad you really are. Don’t you dare defend yourself!’

I now realize I should have said this to my friend. You’re absolutely right, I am a bit of a flake. But you only see the veneer, deep down  I’m much worse than you will ever know. I can’t defend my actions, and I desperately need a Savior. Would you pray for me to work this out?”

The daily struggle with sin is sometimes more visible than we would like. Even as a believer I can and do sin. That should surprise no one, and yet, I am the most surprised when sin inevitably breaks out. (Inconsistency is a factor in Bipolar disorder, but this is more than that.)

I’ve recently realized that in spite of almost 50 years of following Jesus that I’ve sinned more as a believer than I have ever done as a ‘worldling.’ I’m kinda embarrassed by this.

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In Romans 7 we are confronted with a man who is constantly disappointed in himself. It can be wrenching to read– partly because it is so real. It describes us too well. At times the Word is like looking into a mirror.

Romans 7 describes what is wrong with us, for we are attempting to keep the law from our own efforts. We slide from grace when we attempt to stand before God in our self-righteousness. (We have a strong tendency to do this at times.)

“We are all infected and impure with sin.
    When we display our righteous deeds,
    they are nothing but filthy rags.”

Isaiah 64:6

We have a problem when our heart doesn’t match our actions. It gets a little hairy when our sin is visible to others. We feel like hypocrites and our testimony is official ‘toast.’

Sometimes, we’re reasonably certain we’ve shamed Christ in some irrevocable way. But do understand a lot of this can be satanic, for he indeed is “the accuser of the brethren,” (Rev 12:10). 

Whenever we stand before God, we should never come with our list of great things we have recently done for Him. It won’t be accepted. They are at best, filthy rags. They’re not fit for a King’s court. But yet we keep coming, parading our dirty, grimy rags.

I wonder when we boldly ‘strut’ into His presence if the angels don’t ‘roll their eyes?’

We forget that only Christ’s righteousness is accepted. Heaven is satisfied with His atoning blood that covers every sin. The tension we feel in Romans 7 is there because it turns us away from our self-efforts. Our ‘confusion’ over this chapter indicates the depth of our attempt to be righteous on our own.

“The greatest enemy to human souls is the self-righteous spirit which makes men look to themselves for salvation.”

Charles Spurgeon


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