Category: mental illness

Kissing Twisted Lips

God accommodates Himself to our ‘sickness’.  We find that He has this beautiful quality about Him, that He becomes quite tender and gentle around any spiritual disease.

In his book Mortal Lessons (Touchstone Books, 1987) physician Richard Selzer describes a scene in a hospital room after he had performed surgery on a young woman’s face:

“I stand by the bed where the young woman lies . . . her face, postoperative . . . her mouth twisted in palsy . . . clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, one of the muscles of her mouth, has been severed. She will be that way from now on. I had followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh, I promise you that. Nevertheless, to remove the tumor in her cheek, I had cut this little nerve. Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed, and together they seem to be in a world all their own in the evening lamplight . . . isolated from me . . .private.

Who are they? I ask myself . . . he and this wry mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously. The young woman speaks. “Will my mouth always be like this?” she asks. “Yes,” I say, “it will. It is because the nerve was cut.” She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles. “I like it,” he says, “it’s kind of cute.” All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with the divine. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I am so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers. . . to show her that their kiss still works“

This is who Jesus has always been. And if you think you are getting to be a great kisser or are looking desirable, I feel sorry for you. He wraps himself around our hurts, our brokenness and our ugly, ever-present sin. Those of you who want to draw big, dark lines between my humanity and my sin, go right ahead, but I’m not joining you. It’s all ME. And I need Jesus so much to love me like I really am: brokenness, memories, wounds, sins, addictions, lies, death, fear….all of it. Take all it, Lord Jesus. If I don’t present this broken, messed up person to Jesus, my faith is dishonest, and my understanding of it will become a way of continuing the ruse and pretense of being “good.”

Now I want to talk about why this is important. We must begin to accept who we are, and bring a halt to the sad and repeated phenomenon of lives that are crumbling into pieces because the only Christian experience they know about is one that is a lie. We are infected with something that isn’t the Gospel, but a version of a religious life; an entirely untruthful version that drives genuine believers into the pit of despair and depression because, contrary to the truth, God is “against” them, rather than for them.

The verse says, “When I am weak, then I am strong- in Jesus.” It does not say “When I am strong, then I am strong, and you’ll know because Jesus will get all the credit.” Let me use two examples, and I hope neither will be offensive to those who might read and feel they recognize the persons described.

Many years ago, I knew a man who was a vibrant and very public Christian witness. He was involved in the “lay renewal” movement in the Southern Baptist Convention, which involved a lot of giving testimonies of “what God was doing in your life.” (A phrase I could do without.) He was well-known for being a better speaker than most preachers, and he was an impressive and persuasive lay speaker. His enthusiasm for Christ was convincing.

He was also known to be a serial adulterer. Over and over, he strayed from his marriage vows, and scandalized his church and its witness in the community. When confronted, his response was predictable. He would visit the Church of Total Victory Now, and return claiming to have been delivered of the “demons of lust” that had caused him to sin. Life would go on. As far as I know, the cycle continued, unabated, for all the time I knew about him.

I understand that the church today needs- desperately- to hear experiential testimonies of the power of the Gospel. I understand that it is not good news to say we are broken and are going to stay that way. I know there will be little enthusiasm for saying sanctification consists, in large measure, in seeing our sin, and acknowledging what it is and how deep and extensive it has marred us. I doubt that the ‘triumphalists’ will agree with me that the fight of faith is not a victory party, but a bloody war on a battlefield that resembles Omaha Beach more than a Beach party.

I write this piece particularly concerned for leaders, parents, pastors and teachers. I am moved and distressed that so many of them, most of all, are unable to admit their humanity, and their brokenness. In silence, they carry the secret, then stand in the place of public leadership and present a Gospel that is true, but a Christian experience that is far from true.

Then, from time to time, they fall. Into adultery, like the pastor of one of our state’s largest churches. A wonderful man, who kept a mistress for years rather than admit a problem millions of us share: faulty, imperfect marriages. Where is he now, I wonder? And where are so many others I’ve known and heard of who fell under the same weight? Their lives are lost to the cause of the Kingdom because they are just like the rest of us?

By the way, I’m not rejecting Biblical standards for leadership. I am suggesting we need a Biblical view of humanity when we read those passages. Otherwise we are going to turn statements like “rules his household well” into a disqualification to every human being on the planet.

I hear of those who are depressed. Where do they turn for help? How do they admit their hurt? It seems so “unChristian” to admit depression, yet it is a reality for millions and millions of human beings. Porn addiction. Food addiction. Rage addiction. Obsessive needs for control. Chronic lying and dishonesty. How many pastors and Christian leaders live with these human frailties and flaws, and never seek help because they can’t admit what we all know is true about all of us? They speak of salvation, love and Jesus, but inside they feel like the damned.

Multiply this by the hundreds of millions of broken Christians. They are merely human, but their church says they must be more than human to be good Christians. They cannot speak of or even acknowledge their troubled lives. Their marriages are wounded. Their children are hurting. They are filled with fear and the sins of the flesh. They are depressed and addicted, yet they can only approach the church with the lie that all is well, and if it becomes apparent that all is not well, they avoid the church.

I do not blame the church for this situation. It is always human nature to avoid the mirror and prefer the self-portrait. I blame all of us who know better. We know this is not the message of the Gospels, the Bible or of Jesus. But we  every one of us is afraid to live otherwise. What if someone knew we were not a good Christian? Ah…what if…what if….

I close with a something I have said many times before. The Prodigal son, there on his knees, his father’s touch upon him, was not a “good” or “victorious” Christian. He was broken. A failure. He wasn’t even good at being honest. He wanted religion more than grace. His father baptized him in mercy, and resurrected him in grace. His brokenness was wrapped up in the robe and the embrace of God.

Why do we want to be better than that boy? Why do we make the older brother the goal of Christian experience? Why do we want to add our own addition to the parable, where the prodigal straightens out and becomes a successful youth speaker, writing books and doing youth revivals?

Lutheran writer Herman Sasse, in a meditation on Luther’s last words, “We are beggars. This is true,” puts it perfectly:

Luther asserted the very opposite: “Christ dwells only with sinners.” For the sinner and for the sinner alone is His table set. There we receive His true body and His true blood “for the forgiveness of sins” and this holds true even if forgiveness has already been received in Absolution. That here Scripture is completely on the side of Luther needs no further demonstration. Every page of the New Testament is indeed testimony of the Christ whose proper office it is “to save sinners”, “to seek and to save the lost”. And the entire saving work of Jesus, from the days when He was in Galilee and, to the amazement and alarm of the Pharisees, ate with tax collectors and sinners; to the moment when he, in contradiction with the principles of every rational morality, promised paradise to the thief on the cross, yes, His entire life on earth, from the cradle to the Cross, is one, unique grand demonstration of a wonder beyond all reason: The miracle of divine forgiveness, of the justification of the sinner. “Christ dwells only in sinners’.

***** 

 

Most of this is past of an old post from the blog of the “Internet Monk” and has been repeated here for your edification.

This blog can be read in its entirity at :  http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/imonk-101-when-i-am-weak-why-we-must-embrace-our-brokenness-and-never-be-good-christians

The Internet Monk’s website is really engaging and diverse and I strongly suggest visiting it.

 ybic, Bryan

 

 

Related articles

Lithium: Help for the Afflicted

 

Lithium (brand names Eskalith, Lithobid, Lithonate, and Lithotabs) is the most widely used and studied medication for treating bipolar disorder. Lithium helps reduce the severity and frequency of mania. It may also help relieve bipolar depression. Studies show that lithium can significantly reduce suicide risk. Lithium also helps prevent future manic episodes. As a result, it ma y be prescribed for long periods of time (even between episodes) as maintenance therapy.

Lithium acts on a person’s central nervous system (brain and spinal cord). Doctors don’t know exactly how lithium works to stabilize a person’s mood. However, it helps people with bipolar disorder have more control over their emotions and reduce the extremes in behavior. It usually takes one to two weeks for lithium to begin working.

Your doctor will want to take regular blood tests during your treatment because lithium can affect kidney function. Lithium works best if the amount of the drug in your body is kept at a constant level. Your doctor will also probably suggest you drink eight to 12 glasses of water or fluid a day during treatment and use a normal amount of salt in your food. Both salt and fluid can affect the levels of lithium in your blood, so it’s important to consume a steady amount every day.

The dose of lithium varies among individuals and as phases of their illness change. Although bipolar disorder is often treated with more than one drug, some people can control their condition with lithium alone.

Lithium Side Effects About 75% of people who take lithium for bipolar disorder have some side effects, although they may be minor. They may become less troublesome after a few weeks as your body adjusts to the drug. Sometimes side effects of lithium can be relieved by tweaking the dose. However, never change your dose or drug schedule on your own. Do not change the brand of lithium without checking with your doctor or pharmacist first. If you are having any problems, talk to your doctor about your options.

Common side effects of lithium can include:

  • Hand tremor (If tremors are bothersome, an additional medication can help.)
  • Increased thirst
  • Increased urination
  • Diarrhea
  • Vomiting
  • Weight gain
  • Impaired memory
  • Poor concentration
  • Drowsiness
  • Muscle weakness
  • Hair loss
  • Acne
  • Decreased thyroid function (which can be treated with thyroid hormone)

Notify your doctor if you experience persistent symptoms from lithium or if you develop diarrhea, vomiting, fever, unsteady walking, fainting, confusion, slurred speech, or rapid heart rate. Tell your doctor about history of cancer, heart disease, kidney disease, epilepsy, and allergies. Make sure your doctor knows about all other drugs you are taking. Avoid products that contain sodium, such as certain antacids. While taking lithium, use caution when driving or using machinery and limit alcoholic beverages.

If you miss a dose of lithium, take it as soon as you remember it — unless the next scheduled dose is within two hours (or six hours for slow-release forms). If so, skip the missed dose and resume your usual dosing schedule. Do not “double up” the dose to catch up. There are a few serious risks to consider. Lithium may weaken bones in children. The drug has also been linked to birth defects and is not recommended for pregnant women, especially during the first three months. Breastfeeding isn’t recommended if you are taking lithium. Also, in a few people, long-term lithium treatment can interfere with kidney function.

A word of encouragement.  I’ve been taking 12oo mg of Lithium twice a day for over three years now, with just minor side effects.  (Mostly a bad hand tremor.)  Taking Lithium has stabilized me and protected me from my more bizarre behavior.

………………………………………………………………………………… 

Reviewed by the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic Department of Psychiatry and Psychology.

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-disorder-lithium

The Scream

You’re probably familiar with Edvard Munch’s painting The Scream— yesterday it sold at auction for 120 million dollars. It is a profound painting, but do you know its inspiration? From the venerable Wikipedia, a quote from Munch’s own diary, written January 22, 1892:

“I was walking along a path with two friends—the sun was setting—suddenly the sky turned blood red—I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence—there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city—my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety—and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.”

“… an infinite scream passing through nature.”  That’s quite terrifying.  With this message, from those who know how things shall be.  We have to realize that ‘The Scream’ is a manifestation of a hellvalot of emptiness and confusion.  Once understood, we will try to move forward.  But the image of a man screaming on a pier, has ‘cut the nerve’ of our attempts to move ahead.

‘The Scream’ is like a razor blade, that is wielding an agenda that opens us up, and drives us to this place of desperation.  Rather than turn from the pain, we turn to the place where “we think we understand”.  But the panic and frightfulness are not easily subtracted out of our lives.  We try to advance, but are shackled by our own confusion.

Looking at this painting, we can identify with the ‘frozenness’ of the image.  We turn in refusal, for we understand the darkness.  We come to the place that we fully intend to open ourselves up.  But the captivity of our hearts becomes open and something that is available and accessible. It seems the ‘horror’ has an influence on our mental health.

‘The Scream’  becomes to be incredibly predictive.  Any strength we might have has become empty and hollow, we are left with confusion and disorientation.  The emptiness and desperation of being alone on the pier, puts us in a sense of lostness.  But this painting can lead us to God.  Jesus has taken our horror and absorbed it in Himself.

 

ybic, Bryan

 

Related articles

Understanding the Gospel of Bill (W)

Every once in a while, I’m introduced to something quite wonderful. I usually look, and mostly move on. However I approached this blog and felt I just made an awesome discovery. I asked myself (I talk to myself a lot) if I should or shouldn’t share this with you.

I came to realize that if I didn’t share this that that would be sin. Honestly.

The site is called “The Gospel of Bill (W): What Christians Can Learn from the 12-Step Programs.” It seems to be updated regularly and it could really be a boost to any one who is battling alcoholism or other addictions. Stats say that 50% of bipolar people have a definite problems in this area. Mentally ill people are especially vulnerable and end up trying to “self-medicate” themselves. We think that drinking and drugging will help us deal with our nasty and ugly lives.

Some titles I found interesting: “Thomas Kinkade and the Reality of Addiction” and “Easter Aftermath: Reflections on Death, Recovery and Resurrection”. I was also intrigued by this gem, “Powerlessness Revisited—the Tragedy of Amy Winehouse.” (That post is well on its way to being a classic!)

These posts are relevant and sincere. They just maybe your “cup of tea,” or “up your alley” (or choose your own metaphor, lol.)

May I gently suggest, that even if you don’t have any addiction issues, you undoubtly know someone who does. Share the “Gospel of Bill (W)” with them. You very well could be the light.

http://12stepspirituality.wordpress.com/

ybic, Bryan