1. Do not expect too much from yourself too soon, as this will only accentuate feelings of failure. Avoid setting difficult goals or taking on ambitious new responsibilities until you’ve solidly begun a structured treatment process.
2. Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what can be done, as it can be done.
3. Recognize patterns in your mood. Like many people with depression, the worst part of the day for you may be the morning. Try to arrange your schedule accordingly so that the demands are the least in the morning. For example, you may want to shift your meetings to midday or the afternoon.
4. Participate in activities that may make you feel better. Try exercising, going to a movie or a ball game, or participating in church or social activities. At a minimum, such activities may distract you from the way you feel and allow the day to pass more quickly.
5. You may feel like spending all day in bed, but do not. While a change in the duration, quality and timing of sleep is a core feature of depression, a reversal in sleep cycle (such as sleeping during daytime hours and staying awake at night) can prolong recovery. Give others permission to wake you up in the morning. Schedule “appointments” that force you to get out of the house before 11 a.m. Do this scheduling the night before; waiting until the morning to decide what you will be doing ensures you will do nothing.
6. Don’t get upset if your mood is not greatly improved right away. Feeling better takes time. Do not feel crushed if after you start getting better, you find yourself backsliding. Sometimes the road to recovery is like a roller coaster ride.
7. People around you may notice improvement in you before you do. You may still feel just as depressed inside, but some of the outward manifestations of depression may be receding.
8. Try not to make major life decisions (such as changing jobs or getting married or divorced) without consulting others who know you well and who have a more objective view of your situation.
9. Do not expect to snap out of your depression on your own by an exercise of will power. This rarely happens. Many churches and communities have depression support groups. Connect with people who understand depression and the recovery process.
10. Remind yourself that your negative thinking is part of the depression and will disappear as the depression responds to treatment.
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
–Psalm 42:11, NIV
The things that truly tear me apart, will often start by intensifying my gloom and depression. I certainly do avow a limited degree of freedom. But even in the light of this,
1) depression hammers me,
2) dismantles me, and than it
3) devastates me
My own lostness goes on to confuse me, (not to mention it in the lives of my family and friends) and than I slide into further into my darkness. The bottom just falls off, and I go even lower. I become mad. (In the psychological sense of the word.)
But the Father interjects His will on my behalf, and puts me into this critical place by a special grace. I try to rest into this great big sea of a massive love, but I imagine I really don’t belong. In my dark depression, I turn to Him for a greater protection. I understand my proclivity to depression that only sinks me into the darkness of sin. So I reach out, and grab tight.
In olden days, a ship in a overwhelming storm would attempt to lighten its load by throwing its cargo overboard. When we are in this despondency, we often will do this as well. Anything to just survive. We are quite desperate.
My darkness is deep, and it is an intensely viscous evil. It reaches out for me, and it entangles me. You might rightly say that I am lost, but the Father does intervene, and He steps into my blackness, and separates me from it. It may seem a bit melodramatic. But He nevertheless carries me through. And yet I will confess that He has behaved consistently concerning me.
When we have an opportunity we should simply reach out for it. Our foolishness should not disconnect us into a confused place of being. We will step out into this awareness of being made wonderfully complete, and incredibly sure. His presence alters us, and sanctifies us. We change and adjust ourselves. Yet everything that does work into us will bring us to a purpose and significance.
I do return and earnestly seek Him to work in me. Unless He does, I will be irrevocably lost. I turn to Him, and so I must admit I am bold in this. I say desperately, ‘Please Jesus, save me.’ I will only turn, and be very bold, entering into His salvation. “Please save me dear Savior, and launch me into the world of salvation. Give me a deep understanding of your deliverance. Jesus, I surrender to your work.” And in all the areas I surrender, He meets me and brings me to the place of rest.
“So our hope is in the Lord. He is our help, our shield to protect us.”
“I am reckoned among those who go down to the pit; I have become like a man without strength,“
In May 2011, this is what I wrote–
“I feel like I am going through a meat grinder. Pushed against my will (and desire) I’m finding myself in a place I’d rather not be. My therapist confirmed today that I’m in a “mixed state” where bipolar mania and depression come together. I compare it to two massive ocean currents smashing into each other. (please Google, “mixed state”).
I’ve been into this state for just two weeks and the urge to commit suicide is starting to become surprisingly strong. For my own safety, I’m almost thinking that it maybe time to go to the hospital again. I must tell you that these are places that you really don’t want to go if you don’t have to. (FYI, my particular choice is Alaska Psychiatric Institute in Anchorage. It’s actually a somewhat “nicer” degree of miserable, and they have cooler art.)
I also get paranoid that people are attacking me and are plotting to ruin me. I am quite suspicious of Facebook and my depression chat. I believe that the people that I encounter there are trying to get at me behind my back. Social networking with these type of services can be a nightmare.
But, then there is also the grandiosity. I believe that I think clearer, better, and faster than other people. It’s like I have superpowers. I will think of myself as extremely gifted, superior to others. I paint and write poetry and do “noble” things.
But I also have tremendous anxiety, with racing thoughts, and even heart palpitations esp. when I am sitting trying to relax. I don’t sleep well at all, in spite of the sleeping pill, the Klonopin and the melatonin, and the Benadryl, (to make sure I do sleep).
I continue to take my psych meds like a good boy. But they don’t seem to work like they used to. I think they can’t handle this particular concoction of depression/mania. Sometimes, I feel like I’m getting better, but I never seem to get well.
The endless cycle of feeling really good and then feeling really bad is a challenging thing. It is difficult to have a stable walk of discipleship under these circumstances. I think being starkly honest and broken over my own fallenness is the key for me. (Now if I can only remember this.)
I know that I’m being very blunt here. Tact has never been an easy thing. As I read I remember the struggle, and how I couldn’t see a way out. I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit who led me when no one else could. I wrote this post some time ag0. I’ve been reasonably stable, but I’m certain that putting it up now maybe timely for some. I’m in a better frame of mind the last several months.
“For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.”
If you notice periods of depression that seem to accompany seasonal changes during the year, you may suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD). This condition is characterized by recurrent episodes of depression – usually in late fall and winter – alternating with periods of normal or high mood the rest of the year.
Most people with SAD are women whose illness typically begins in their twenties, although men also report SAD of similar severity and have increasingly sought treatment. SAD can also occur in children and adolescents, in which case the syndrome is first suspected by parents and teachers. Many people with SAD report at least one close relative with a psychiatric condition, most frequently a severe depressive disorder (55 percent) or alcohol abuse (34 percent).
What are the patterns of SAD? Symptoms of “winter SAD” usually begin in October or November and subside in March or April. Some patients begin to slump as early as August, while others remain well until January. Regardless of the time of onset, most patients don’t feel fully back to normal until early May.
Their depressions are usually mild to moderate, but they can be severe. Very few patients with SAD have required hospitalization, and even fewer have been treated with electroconvulsive therapy.
The usual characteristics of recurrent winter depression include:
and weight gain, although a patient does not necessarily show these symptoms.
Additionally, there are the usual features of depression, especially decreased sexual interest, lethargy, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, lack of interest in normal activities, and social withdrawal.
Treating your SAD
Light therapy is now considered the first-line treatment intervention, and if properly dosed can produce relief within days. Antidepressants may also help, and if necessary can be used in conjunction with light. In about 1/10th of cases, annual relapse occurs in the summer rather than winter, possibly in response to high heat and humidity. During that period, the depression is more likely to be characterized by insomnia, decreased appetite, weight loss, and agitation or anxiety.
Interestingly, patients with such “reverse SAD” often find relief with summer trips to cooler climates in the north. Generally, normal air conditioning is not sufficient to relieve this depression, and an antidepressant may be needed. In still fewer cases, a patient may experience both winter and summer depressions, while feeling fine each fall and spring, around the equinoxes. The most common characteristic of people with winter SAD is their reaction to changes in environmental light.
Patients living at different latitudes note that their winter depressions are longer and more profound the farther north they live. Patients with SAD also report that their depression worsens or reappears whenever the weather is overcast at any time of the year, or if their indoor lighting is decreased. SAD is often misdiagnosed as hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, infectious mononucleosis, and other viral infections.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I’ve been down this road before. I guess this is my big issue with Bipolar Disorder (BP); its unpredictability, the way you fluctuate. You get up in the morning and you immediately have to start analyzing your mood. “Am I more depressed than I was yesterday, or I am speeding up?” For BP persons we never can be too sure. We are always in a state of flux or movement. As BPs who are believers in Jesus, it seems like we have broke “every rule in the book.” This disorder almost demands hypocrisy– which instills a lot of guilt and shame.
About 35 years ago, a visiting pastor to our church came up to me and prophesied. This was long before I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I can’t remember much, but I do recall him saying, “You are as unstable as water”. I tell you, I was quite concerned about this; and to make it worse I put a real negative spin on it. It was stability that we emulated, and frankly, water is not the best metaphor to describe your life. Rock, yes. Water, well… not so much.
But I can see now that instability has made me a deeper, more tolerant person. I give a lot of latitude to other’s shortcomings. I know how difficult it is to process life and to face issues. Because I do this “yo-yo” thing, I can accept inconsistency as a normal part of life. I realize that I’m not perfect, nor is anyone else I know, but I’m learning to make allowances for it. Sometimes, just being aware is half the battle. And I suppose, understanding God’s grace would be the other.
On a practical level, I’ve also determined that caffeine really can activate me. The anxiety and mania really intensifies when I load up on my ‘vanilla lattes.’ Coffee elevates me up almost to the point of being superhuman, but I also get real flaky. I get terribly self-conscious and paranoid. But, sometimes it’s a real hoot! (Sorry, but man, I do love my coffee.)
Well, I’m running out of things to comment about, and I’m thinking that I’ve said quite enough. But, if you’re struggling today, please let me know. I will pray for you and connect back on some level. Whatever your issue, we are in this together. God answers everyone who calls to Him.
12 “And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters,that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News.13 For everyone here, including the whole palace guard,knows that I am in chains because of Christ.14 And because of my imprisonment, most of the believershere have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s messagewithout fear.”
“That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”
Calvin & Hobbes, comic strip
One of the blessings of turning 55 is I come to a place where I can sit and think about my life. I’m intrigued by how it unfolded the way that it did. I know I can be a bit of an eccentric. But that’s ok. When the warm ocean current of depression and the cold water current of weird personality meet it will get very tumultuous. And being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder brings even more issues. But I do admit– I have lived life hard. (Perhaps harder then it had to be.)
I do have a ‘dark side.’ One of the most disturbing areas I had was an almost insatiable thirst for ‘euphoria.’ Both drugs and alcohol, I discovered would put me in the place of exhilaration and elation. And I longed for anything that would put me in this mental state. If you had come to me with two hits of ‘acid,’ I would definitely take them both, and not even blink. That has changed since I accepted Christ. The impulses are tamed by God’s Spirit and Word. (Thank God!)
My quest for euphoria has taken me down some strange paths. I learned to buy those drugs that would work that special bliss into my being. But I couldn’t maintain euphoria. I chased after that idea, without ever achieving it. LSD, PCP, marijuana, whiskey, cocaine, and even ‘needles’— all those old standbys have brought me to a false sense of inner freedom. I tried to stay ‘stoned’ as long as I could. I drank enough vodka to float a battleship. I was a maniac. Completely out-of-control.
“You will be bruised all over, without even remembering how it all happened. And you will lie awake asking, “When will morning come, so I can drink some more?”
Proverbs 23:35, CEV
The man who penned this must have knew the back side of getting hammered. There is a lot of pain in this lifestyle, and not just hangovers and depression. Yet we can’t wait until we can start it all over again. This love for the high is the precursor to addiction. Crossing this line is a moment of strange logic for the user, but in reality, it is a form of mental illness and insanity.
My addictions (which imprinted an ‘addictive personality’) are seldom reasonable. As I pursue the euphoria (I love to get “high!”) my own ravenous appetite begins to feed off my own personality. When a dam breaks, it starts at a tiny leak. This can take several years. But the pressure will slowly continue and then it begins to escalate. Soon the water pushes through until the dam breaks. Floods ensue as the lake flows through. Disaster is just that close.
“You say to each other, “Let’s drink till we’re drunk! Tomorrow we’ll do it again. We’ll really enjoy ourselves.”
Isa. 56:12, CEV
When we pursue, and then try to purchase our euphoria, we will inevitably end up as drunks and as addicts. When fixed on the pursuit of carnal pleasure, we end up destroying ourselves, and the lives of those closest to us. When I start hurting others by my actions, I must consider I may have a big problem. Maturity is in part, understanding our desperateness, and then moving beyond it. But the reality is that we are scarred, and that we continue to escape by “the skin of our teeth” until we die or get sober. Only Christ can save the euphoria-chaser.
Sometimes I’m a piece of work, it’s alright though because I’m His piece of work.