Tag: brokenness

Brutal Honesty: Self-Control

broken-walls

“A person without self-control
    is like a city with broken-down walls.”

Proverbs 25:28

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7

There is no harder subject for me to broach than this one. It splits wide open a Number 10 “can of worms.” The issue is this: what is my mental illness, and what is my “flesh?” I suffer from Bipolar Disorder (and a mild form of epilepsy). But I am also an evangelical Christian believer.

So what is what? If this BP is causing extreme behavior, am I somehow exempt from the control of the Holy Spirit in my life? (Now this maybe easy for some of you to figure out, but I’m still contemplating here. Please bear with me on this.) I like things explained to me.

People are very complicated, and there are seldom any lines drawn between emotion/spirit/body. At any given time we all operate on different levels. For instance, my body maybe cold; but I’m praying quite fervently in the spirit. I can have a toothache and be really angry at Lynn (my wife). I never feel the need to analyze these actions.

Having zilch self-control is one of many bipolar symptoms. Believe me, my life has been completely devastated by snap decisions that carry terrible implications. I also habitually excuse my impulsive behavior by…

  • compartmentalizing, (categorizing everything as different)
  • rationalizing, (reasons behind ‘bad’ behavior)
  • and justifying my bad choices, (The devil made me do it).

My Bible tells me that the Holy Spirit is present to give me self-control. I believe this truly. But way too often (actually, most of the time) I’m focusing on trying to eliminate the negatives like bingeing, isolating, obsessing or plotting. I completely ignore the positives, like worshipping, praying, reading devotionally, or fellowshipping.

The vaunted “fruit of the Spirit” cannot be found in my carnal life. (If I may, allow me to change metaphors on you.) Suppose you had a real nice car sitting in your drive-way. It’s a real beaut. But since you don’t have the key, you must push it to make it go. It’s really tiring and you feel like giving it up all the time. (A trip to the store takes hours and hours.)

Silly you say? Yes. But no sillier than trying to live a Christian  life without the Holy Spirit. You see its his presence that allows you to live an impossible Christian life. My mental illness causes me a lot of grief. It affects me tremendously, as well as my friends and family. I must take meds to ease the worst of its disturbing symptoms. But there is supernatural help.

16 “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”

Galatians 5:16-17, NLT

To be guided into the “fruits of the Spirit” is imperative (see Gal. 5:22-23). We’ve a tendency to accentuate the “deeds of the flesh” to our own detriment. As mentally ill people we must turn this on its head and invite the Holy Spirit to energize us.

My BP symptoms are no match for His presence. If anything they force me to helplessly call out to Him. This is a supernatural transaction that is mandatory to becoming Christlike. My physical weakness can be the backdrop for walking out convincing discipleship. Trust me, to live like a “receiver” is far better than trying to live like a “generator.” (But you  probably already knew that.)

aabryscript

Be Alert– Very Alert!

Be-Alert-Sign

“He will speak out against the Most High and wear down the saints of the Highest One.”

Daniel 7:25, NASB

“Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold.”

Matthew 24:12, NIV

Sometimes, we think it would be a fine thing to be able to tell the future. We could gaze into a crystal ball, and see exactly what is going to happen next. We would just love to tell this to our family and friends.

In a sense, the Holy Spirit has already shared the experience of believers in the modern church. And we have been told repeatedly not to consult the occult. It is forbidden– plain and simple. It’s not for us.

Once I was preaching on street corner on Telegraph Ave., in Berkeley, California. There I encountered a tarot card reader. People were everywhere. She was telling everyone’s future from a card table. Provoked by the Lord’s Spirit she went “gonzo.” She picked up her metal chair and began to smash it repeatedly against a big garbage can. It was a scene and a half! But it taught me the true nature of demon activity.

The future has been clearly predicted to us. We will enter a time of extreme difficulty. Daniel speaks of believers being “worn down.” Christians will start to crumble and erode away. It appears that this satanic assault will take apart the lives of most believers, leaving them in a compromised heap on the kitchen floor.

Jesus declares the future as well. He says that in our future we will see the love of many to grow cold. These ‘frigid believers’ will be troubled by sin and darkness. Evil will be more common, and saturate everything. The coldness will creep in.

In 1983 I was hitch hiking in Alaska. My heart was not in a good place. (I had just graduated from Bible school and I felt I had given God enough.) As I walked I saw a red piece of paper in the ditch. Retrieving it I opened it up to read simply, “Be Alert.” I felt a distinct connection to His presence. Walking another 30 yards or so, I spotted another red note. Again, “Be Alert.” I had no doubt God was speaking. When I finally got to my cabin, a call came. It was my mom who just got back from the doctor who had given her a diagnosis of cancer. I was heart-broken, but not ready to pray.

This morning I wish for you the discernment to see what is happening all around. In so many ways, the church is like the prophet Eli. We have lost our sight, and most of our discernment. (1 Samuel 2). I certainly mean no harm by this post. All I have wanted to do is give you a “heads up.” I don’t know what situation you are in at this time. But, Be Alert!

God loves those who struggle. It seems they are in a continual trouble, but the Father’s love will hold them. Their sin will remain, but they’ll be forgiven.

“But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, 21 and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love.”

Jude 20-21

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Quarantined, for His Purposes

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Nautical flag for a Quarantined Vessel

5 “You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.”

Psalm 139:5, NIV

There is a place where God quarantines you from the general population. This place is quite disconcerting and disrupting. You may not realize it, but He has placed us in seclusion for our own good. We will remain there until He decides to release us. We are not at liberty to serve as we wish.

Often our sin, and self-deception will be reason enough. King David writes of this place of being “hemmed’ in, and facing the world of separation. And indeed, it is isolated and detached, and without any real relief. You earnestly want to serve, but you’ve been blocked. You can’t minister the way you wish. Your gifting and opportunities are put on hold during this season.

Somehow, and in someway I want to encourage you. This is from His hand, and He has placed you:

  • in this moment,
  • for this time,
  • for His purpose.

You are not rejected, far from it. The Father only intends to separate you for a season until His purposes in you are completed. This is hard, and yet it is necessary. You are being detained for your own good.

Sometimes personal sin run rampant is the issue. Maybe you have tried to control yourself , but to no avail. The Holy Spirit will not utilize you until you will relinquish your sin. Here you sit on an edge, and that can be treacherous. You can’t minister from this place. Press into Romans 6 if you want His opinion on the matter.

Being quarantined is actually the best thing that could happen. Even though it is hard and seems unkind, it is actually a good thing. You are isolated until things of the heart are addressed and dealt with. Being “hemmed” in is challenging. You are confined for His purpose.

My heart is for you, I understand this moment. I suggest you embrace His work, and hang on to His will. He will use you, but in His time and place. He knows your heart to serve, and He will not stifle you in your gifting. But you must wait, rest, and cooperate. You must “walk by faith, and not by sight.”

20 “Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. 21 Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.”

2 Timothy 2:20-21, ESV

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No Half Measures

cslewis
C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)

“Give me all of you! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU! ALL OF YOU. I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self—in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.”

― ― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

This quote is striking, and a bit biting. As a “halfway” believer, a decision to do this is potentially damaging to my happiness. As I count the cost I start doubting my heart. I say to myself, “who can make this decision?” Can I really renounce my life like this? Perhaps this religion thing has gone too far?!

Then, I have to reflect that the Son of God has died for me. And that changes everything. Such a price, and such an investment was made. How can I resort to half measures? To respond like seems like to diminish His sacrifice.

I demand a religion that doesn’t demand anything. I want convenience, not commitment. (At least not total.) Yet the Lewis quote continues to maul me unmercifully. (How dare Lewis say such a thing?)

And yet I roll this truth around realizing that its logic is valid. The ‘pointy parts’ hook on me as I acknowledge their truth. There is a specific ultimatum that is inherent in this. If I don’t surrender, I will not be saved. Without denying myself, I will not be free. I can’t have it any other way.

I must surrender, and do it over and over again. I believe the basic terms of discipleship are as follows:

  • we must be under Jesus’ authority,
  • we must be seeking to follow His teaching,
  • we must actively be doing what He did.

From a secular viewpoint this is brutally outrageous. It seems I’m being forced into a decision– but after all, He did die for me. (This point cannot be understated.) The Son of God gave Himself so that I could live. Jesus said it best,

26 “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.”

Luke 14:26. NLT

Can anything so eloquent be so brutal? Jesus consistently demands everything. Perhaps this is the only way Christianity works? We must be renouncers as well as repenters. We must say, “Yes, God” when we want to live forever. In short, God must be all we live for.

A religion of half measures is not Christian, it is merely a convenience. To follow Jesus is to be radical; and perhaps insane (the worlds evaluation). But to love Jesus demands a “first-love” approach. Anything else is hardly adequate.

The gospel is radical, or it is nothing.

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CLIVE STAPLES LEWIS (1898–1963) was one of the intellectual giants of the twentieth century and arguably one of the most influential writers of his day. He was a Fellow and Tutor in English Literature at Oxford University until 1954. He was unanimously elected to the Chair of Medieval and Renaissance Literature at Cambridge University, a position he held until his retirement. He wrote more than thirty books, allowing him to reach a vast audience, and his works continue to attract thousands of new readers every year. His most distinguished and popular accomplishments include Mere Christianity, Out of the Silent Planet, The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters, and the universally acknowledged classics The Chronicles of Narnia.