We want our presents in pretty paper All wrapped up in a shiny neat bow We want our faith to be the same So our doubts and struggles never show
Yet the greatest gifts aren’t neat and tidy Like the manger birth steeped in blood A child born like any other babe With the addition of dirty stable mud
And Christ’s willing sacrifice on the cross After flogging caused welts and spit adorned The bleeding brow of the King of kings Ringed by crowds who mocked and scorned
Each trial and loss we face in life Can draw us closer to the God we need If we don’t bury the doubts that rise But seek the gift each death has freed
Open the messy presents He gives To find healing for all of life’s woes Remember when you grieve the most The Babe born to die for you knows
For more Christmas poetry, check out my latest poem on Anchored Voices blog. It’s called My Favorite Name.
Trials are hard, and at times they seem to suffocate us and weaken our walk with God. David shares with us his own difficulty in these six verses.
A Very Brief Commentary of Psalm 13
For the choir director: A psalm of David.
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? 2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
V. 1-2, David believes that he has been forgotten. A phrase is repeated an astounding four times, “How long?” It seems that impatience is a significant issue for him. It makes David ‘human,’ he’s not a marble statue in a museum!
Often when it gets this outrageous, we desperately look around to find anything to fill the gap. Anything.
Something else struck me. Within these two verses, you’ll find five hard questions. Whenever you find a question in the psalms especially, you must stop reading and take a closer look–why is he asking this?
V. 2,“Anguish…sorrow, every day.” Somehow David is alert enough to recognize (and admit) that his life is saturated with real difficulty. It seems it comes and when it comes there’s no relief– it’s a constant, gnawing, challenging pain which can be physical, emotional, spiritual (or all three at once).
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. 4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
V. 3,“Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.” (I love this version–“sparkle“). David knew that life could be exceptional, it was meant to gleam and shine. There is much more than just breathing to life. He instead speaks of being restored.
V. 4, Also, he is quite aware that his life is being threatened. The word, “gloat” is an interesting translation. It has the idea of “relishing someone else’s failure.” The dark prince savors your defeat. He has been looking forward to this desperate moment. The enemy rejoices at each of your failures.
But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. 6 I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.
V. 5,“But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.” The Lord has covered David with His hand. His life has been saved by a love that never falters, weakens. or hesitates. He knows that no matter what happens, God has rescued him.
Notice how David responds to the great trial of his faith and the wonderful goodness of God:
I trust.
I rejoice.
I sing.
V. 6, Tremendous. When we finally get to this last verse, we see that we have truly traveled with David. And we have learned how to sing, even if we’ve lost everything and we live in constant pain. It doesn’t really matter any more. What a good teacher David is.
Jewelers display their gems on a black background. The darkness intensifies the brightness of the jewels. They become even more beautiful to look at. David is singing and praising the Lord for His nearness.
Anyone who has read much of my blog, Linda Kruschke’s Blog, knows that I love music. I’ve devoted my Monday posts to music topics and many other days end up including a music component, too. Music can lift my spirits, give me encouragement, and get me moving when I’m down. But over the years I’ve learned that not all music has this positive impact.
Many years ago I listened to a lot of grunge music. It was my favorite genre in the late 80s and into the 90s. This was a time in my life when I was struggling with major depression, and I liked grunge because it expressed how I felt.
I remember when my dad died in 1993, I kept listening to the song “Indifference” by Pearl Jam. I won’t post the video because it’s not a song I want to encourage anyone to listen to. But the first four lines sum up the gist of the song:
i will light the match this mornin’, so i won’t be alone watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone i will stand arms outstretched, pretend i’m free to roam i will make my way, through, one more day in hell…
Listening to this song never made me feel better, but I just kept listening to it, missing my dad, feeling alone and like I was living in hell.
We all know the old saying “misery loved company.” I think that is the draw of music like grunge or the blues, to know that someone else understands your misery seems comforting. But when the music doesn’t end with hope or any words of encouragement, it’s the wrong company to be in when a person is struggling or feeling down.
We all have times of struggling.
Loved ones lost or physical or mental illness we can’t find a cure to, of lost jobs, or spiritual or emotional pain that just won’t end. When those times come, there is a lot of great music out there to lift your spirits and give you hope. That’s the kind of music I choose to listen to these days and the kind I like to share on Monday.
I still love to listen to the blues, but preferably when things are going well in my life. At these times it is a reminder of the struggles of this life that we all endure so that I remember to be compassionate towards those I encounter who may be struggling and to be thankful for God seeing me through my own struggles.
“Sing out your praises to our God, our King. Yes, sing your highest praises to our King, the King of all the earth. Sing thoughtful praises!”
I attended a conference once called Shattering Stigma: Mental Illness and the Church. In a session about anxiety, the presenter said one phrase that has stuck with me: “Don’t believe everything you think.” Just because a thought enters your mind doesn’t mean it is true. For me, that is especially the case when Darker Me decides to throw her hat in the ring.
I wrote this poem, a letter to Darker Me, after I’d spent a few days believing her lies about and interpretation of something someone else said. Thankfully, upon closer examination, the lies were exposed. I hope this poem encourages you to examine each thought, especially if it is negative, to determine whether it is true.
Dear Darker Me,
I tumbled like Alice as I followed you
down a rabbit hole
but entered no Wonderland.
I found no Mad Hatter,
though I found I might be mad myself
for listening to you.
You are no White Rabbit.
Like the Cheshire Cat you
point me in the wrong direction.
I lost my way in my own twisted mind.
You are no Queen of Hearts to insist
I cut off my head or stay stuck in it.
Lost for days wandering among
thoughts that made no sense.
You interchanged truth and lies!
Nothing was what it seemed to be
as I followed you into
an Unwonderland of dredged up
hurt feelings and wrongs recorded
on an endless loop.
I must find my way out,
back to the surface where,
Truth is truth
and lies are exposed by the Light.
But everything exposed by the light
becomes visible—and everything
that is illuminated
becomes a light.
I’m afraid I must expose you,
dear Darker Me,
that I might live without
your control over my mood.
I suppose we’ll meet again,
but for today I bid you adieu.
I know this light is not for you.
I choose to awake from
the nightmare you’ve drug me into
and rejoice in the truth,
in the Light.
Sincerely,
Christ in Me
It was originally designed for those who had experienced sexual trauma to process that pain, but it can be a blessing no matter the pain you need to express.
Broken Believers 
