Walking This Broken Road by Faith

credit: www.internetmonk.com
credit: http://www.internetmonk.com

In one of my early blog posts at lindakruschke.wordpress.com, I was lamenting that remembering my past made me a little blue, because I had regrets and things have happened to me that were less than wonderful. But I have been reminded that I am who I am because of my history.

A week later I was listening to the CD  Stay by Jeremy Camp in my car alot. One of the songs on that CD is called Walk by Faith, but all week I really haven’t tuned into that song even though it is the one I really needed to hear. Then one night I was listening to my iPod while I was making dinner, and had it on shuffle of my Christian Music playlist. This is something I hadn’t done for awhile – I had listening to the Oldies playlist or the Sad Heartache Songs playlist instead. I started out that night listening to the Grunge playlist, but it wasn’t helping my mood at all (now that’s a big surprise, not).

It just so happened that the third song to play on the Christian music playlist while I was chopping veggies for homemade chicken noodle soup was Walk by Faith. The chorus goes like this:

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

As I heard those words, I realized that the broken road I have traveled (and don’t we all travel a broken road of some kind?) has made me who I am. It has taught me love, compassion, empathy, and, most importantly, faith. If my life had been perfect and easy, with no pain and heartache, first of all I wouldn’t be human. But secondly, I would be a different, perhaps shallower person. I might not even be happy.

So I have decided not to lament or regret my past, but to see it for what it is: the broken road that has prepared me to be the person God wants me to be to those around me. Because ultimately, those around me have traveled a broken road too. And sometimes it is a very similar broken road so that we can relate to each other’s journey. Maybe, as I walk that road by faith, I can help others to walk by faith, too.

Besides, without the lessons learned on my broken road I would have nothing but fluff to write and my blogging would have no purpose.

Have you been walking a broken road? Have faith that God will use your experiences to make you the person He has planned for you to be so that you can be a blessing to others walking that broken road with you.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 (NIV).

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A Bit of Homespun

I’m Still Learning

I’ve learned — 1
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned — 2
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned — 3
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned — 4
that it’s not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned — 5
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned — 6
that you shouldn’t compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I’ve learned — 7
that it’s not what happens to people
that’s important. It’s what they do about it.

I’ve learned — 8
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned — 9
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I’ve learned — 10
that it’s taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

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But Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called—Jews and Greeks.”

1 Corinthians  1:24, NCV

I’m not sure who wrote this, I can’t remember even where or how I found this.   I’m obviously not the author. But it is an excellent piece of thought, I really hope it blesses you– making you see your life through some simple wisdom.

I do know that I have a Savior who is within me, living His life through me. Today, I choose to rest in His unfailing love for me.

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Calibrating Your Heart to His

Calibration is necessary.

“May the patience and encouragement that come from God allow you to live in harmony with each other the way Christ Jesus wants.”

Romans 15:5

“Now make me completely happy! Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person.”

Philippians 2:2

The science and method of calibration provides us with a way to bring two, or more things into harmony.  It is done frequently on diverse things as scientific instruments, avionics, or music.  Without ‘this quest for harmony’ readings and things degrade into a thing of futile confusion.

A piano is tuned, and the worship leader then tunes into that piano.    The worship team is blending simultaneous sounds of different pitch or quality, making chords. This takes practice, and a gift. This principle is enhanced when we think of several gears that mesh and turn together.  There is a certain congruity, or a symmetry that makes it successful.

We need a “calibration of our spirits” with God’s Holy Spirit.  We tune in to Him.  His word is a little bit like a “tech manual”, showing us, and helping us.  He helps us adjust so that we are harmoniously flowing with Him and with others.

Have you ever met a believer not in harmony?  I bet you have. They may have a belief that is out-of-balance.  It may be health, or sickness.  That is quite common today.  Finances are also an issue, or politics.  I lived in San Francisco in the ’80s.  There was a small church down in Pacifica who would drive up to ‘worship on the street’ with us.  They were incredible!  They had a sensitivity and anointing that other groups didn’t have.  They loved Jesus very much, and it showed.

Within six months they disbanded, and went their own ways.  I was told that their meetings were essentially ‘gutted out’.  They became fanatical about the’anti-abortion’ message to such an extreme they didn’t even have a church service anymore.  It was now nothing more than a political rally, and they were not even reading the Word.  They were no longer calibrated to the Spirit or the Church.  They were no longer aligned to the truth.

I have to be regularly adjusted into a harmony with the promises of God.  I need my gauges to be consistent with the Word.  Not to be ‘heavy’ on certain things. I realize that my illness causes me to be very inconsistent.  I suppose I am God’s ‘ping-pong ball.’  I wish I was different, but the promises given are that He intends to change me.  I bet He can do this remarkable thing.

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Madness Dancing, [Something Different]

Madness Dancing, by Bob Bennett

1990 Cornerstone Music Festival

Songs from a playlist on my ‘iTouch.’

An old classic by a Christian singer/songwriter that is one of my favorites. This expresses my own heart toward worship, and reminds me of a ‘first-love.’

Bob has many more wonderful songs. I can recommend him, that is if you like this kind of stuff. I discovered the lyrics, after an intense search, but I hope you like this at least.

In the middle of this madness I am dancing

Though I’m not sure why just now I tried to be sober, tried to be logical

But I could not stop my feet I know I have not turned off my mind

I know there’s evil all around me But for now, it’s outside

And I am in my room And joy is like a crashing tide I don’t wanna burn no books

Don’t wanna argue rock n’ roll I don’t wanna shoot anyone

With my high-powered doctrine gun

Let the madness roll on like a hungry beast

No one will miss me (No one will miss me)

For a half-an-hour at least A song came this morning and woke me

And as I listened, then I found That I was not alone

I was standing, moving Dancing, dancing On holy ground

I don’t wanna burn no books Don’t wanna argue rock n’ roll

I don’t wanna shoot anyone With my high-powered doctrine gun

Let the madness roll on like a savage beast

No one will miss me No one will miss me No one will miss me

For a half-an-hour at least No one will miss me

No one will care No one (Guitar solo) I

n the middle In the middle of this madness

In the middle of this madness I am (I am dancing)

In the middle of this madness I am dancing

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My Mental Breakdown, [Kyrie Eleison]

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Lord, Have Mercy

Quite a few years ago, I was terribly manic. I had found my way somehow from Alaska to Cambridge, England. It was there I wandered the streets  talking to myself, lost and disoriented. It was 2002 and I had just gotten out of a mental hospital in Alaska, and was very medicated. I was by myself in a country I had never visited before. I realize I was behaving very strange. I kept noticing the stares and the whispers.

On one occasion I wandered into the English version of a Walmart– I was in a daze, but I clearly “heard” a 12 foot tree call out to me as I walked by. My heart surged with mercy. I would save it! I grabbed it and headed to the cashier. I slid it along, the tree was heavy and the check-out line was very long. It was a very weird experience. How I was getting it back to Alaska was never a consideration. What can I say, I was “gonzo-manic” now listening to talking trees.

Somewhere, somehow, I had gotten this CD and I slipped it in my Walkman. Sanity would slowly return and this CD, by Nick and Anita Haigh really brought me healing words and a Celtic melody. I love this song. I love the lyrics. The Holy Spirit used it to calm me.

I would meltdown several times after this. And there would be 3-4 more visits to a psych ward for my manic depression, but none would be as severe as my collapse in England .

“Kyrie Eleison” = Greek, “Lord Have Mercy”

Celtic-worship

Kyrie Eleison

Verse 1
Empty broken here I stand,
Kyrie eleison,
Touch me with Your healing hand,
Kyrie eleison,
Take my arrogance and pride,
Kyrie eleison,
wash me in Your mercy’s tide,
Kyrie eleison.

Chorus
Kyrie eleison,
Christe eleison,
Kyrie eleison,

Verse 2
When my faith is all but gone,
Kyrie eleison,
Give me strength to carry on,
Kyrie eleison,
when my dreams have turned to dust,
Kyrie eleison,
In You O Lord I put my trust,
Kyrie eleison.

Chorus:
Kyrie eleison,
Christe eleison,
Kyrie eleison,

Verse 3
When my heart is cold as ice,
Kyrie eleison,
Your love speaks of sacrifice,
Kyrie eleison,
Love that sets the captives free,
Kyrie eleison,
O pour compassion down on me,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus

Verse 4
You’re the voice that calms my fears,
Kyrie eleison,
You’re the laughter dries my tears,
Kyrie eleison,
You’re the music, my refrain,
Kyrie eleison,
Help me sing my song again,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus

Verse 5
Humble heart of holiness,
Kyrie eleison,
Kiss me with Your tenderness,
Kyrie eleison,
Jesus, faithful Friend and true,
Kyrie eleison,
All I am I give to You,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus (x2)

T

Hear a version of this on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYAvDY5Fjj0

Download Kyrie Eleison (Love Have Mercy) 320kbps mp3

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“Fool’s Wisdom”–Malcolm & Alwyn, [1973]

Alwyn Wall, Jano Wall and Tom Hooper at Calvary Chapel Melbourne, Florida, playing “Fool’s Wisdom.”

Malcolm and Alwyn were a popular British gospel beat music group in the 1970s. They played Beatles-influenced rock music with lyrics reflecting their conversion to Christianity. The duo was composed of Malcolm Wild and Alwyn Wall, who had been performing together in a band called “The Zodiacs” prior to their conversion.

Malcolm and Alwyn recorded two albums in the early ’70s before they disbanded in 1976, and a live reunion album in 1981 before again parting ways. The live album was recorded on January 24, 1981 at Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa, California.

They recorded “Fool’s Wisdom” in 1973.  It is a simple, spiritual song.  It identifies and expresses the heart of the early “Jesus Movement.”  My personal thinking is that is, the simplicity of lyrics and performance was a blessing.  When I first listened to “Fool’s Wisdom” back in 1976, I was astounded.  Not for its flair, or pyrotechnics, but for its core simplicity.

Fool’s Wisdom Lyrics

Got myself some wisdom from a leather-backed book
Got myself a Saviour when I took a second look
Opened up the pages and what did I find?
A black and white portrait of a King who’s a friend of mine
Funny how when you think you’re right
Everybody else must be wrong
Till someone with Fool’s Wisdom somehow comes along
His voice was strange and the words He said
I didn’t quite understand
Yet I know that he was speaking right
By the leather-backed book in his hand
Hey, hey, what a day!… Fool’s Wisdom
Got myself some wisdom from a leather-backed book
Got myself a Saviour when I took a second look

 

“The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God.”

1 Corinthians 1:18, NLT

Some of this was edited from Wikipedia.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcolm_and_Alwyn and

http://robertigno-christianblogspotcom.blogspot.com/2008/10/malcolm-and-alwyn-fools-wisdom-1973.html

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Living Incandescently, [Light]

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“7 But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.”

1 John 1:7, NLT

Sometimes my mental illness interferes with “living in the light.” I can get surly and sullen. I avoid people and I think I complain a lot. I’ve also become the master of manic highs and ‘snake belly’ lows, and I’m not fun to be around. But I do wish to be different, I really do want to live in the light.

1) When I do so, I have a special connection with the Lord (He is in the light) and that is the ultimate goal. But light is the vital common denominator. I can’t continue in darkness and fellowship with Him while I entertain any darkness. He doesn’t work that way. I’m supposed to live in the same lighr as He.

“For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.”

Psalm 56:13

2) When I walk in the light, I will have be able to have open fellowship with my brothers and sisters. This is to me almost as precious as having fellowship with Lord. That “fellowship” (trans. koinonia) describes a mutual sharing, or harmonizing with each other. Almost like a concert with the musical instruments making a pleasant melody with each other. Some are pianos, some are oboes, flutes, trumpets or tubas, etc. We are His orchestra.

We come together in koinonia and beautiful things happen.There is a special sound I hear when I’m in koinonia with my brothers and sisters who love Jesus. It’s a healing sound, and very real to me. I hear it especially when they fellowship with each other.

3) When I’m living in the light I am cleansed from my sin by Jesus’ blood. The cleansing is certain by faith, The word “cleanses’ is present tense, He is always cleaning me up. “All sin” reveal the entire scope of His work. I rejoice in this and it gives me confidence in the Lord.

This verse, 1 John 1:7 clarifies things for us, and gives us insight into God’s us the importance of walking in the light of the Lord. It reinforces the fellowship of the saints. And to top it all off, it describes the blood of Jesus being actively applied to my many sins.

“Father, I so desperately want to take possession of this Word. Enable me by your Holy Spirit to do this for your glory. Amen.”

 

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