Bryan’s comments – Page 43

Whim-Whams

“In our family “whim-wham” is code, a defanged reference to any number of moods and psychological disorders, be they depressive, manic, or schizoaffective. Back in the 1970s and ’80s – when they were all straight depression – we called them “dark nights of the soul.” St. John of the Cross’s phrase ennobled our sickness, spiritualized it. We cut God out of it after the manic breaks started in 1986, the year my dad, brother, and I were all committed. Call it manic depression or by its new, polite name, bipolar disorder. Whichever you wish. We stick to our folklore and call it the whim-whams.”

— David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

Speaking in code is often our way of communicating to those who are curious. We seldom tell anyone we have bipolar disorder outright. Some of us tried, and failed; we fall back to “I’m just a little blue today,” or the classic, “I’m just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” We really can be somewhat disingenuous.

All too often these are half-truths that deflect the sticky issues of a mental breakdown. We seek to salvage some kind of dignity, or evade the inevitable stigma that would certainly come if we told the truth. We choose to evade, but at a cost.

I struggle with the stigma of both bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I’m still uncomfortable when others seem uncomfortable with me. So, I have developed a general rule:

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

I suppose this adds a layer of personal security. The occasions I have violated this rule have resulted in awkward pauses and odd looks. Afterwards, the relationship changed. It was as if I suddenly sprouted a second head, or something.

As Christian believers, I know we are supposed to walk in the truth. But exactly how truthful am I supposed to be? I’ve always had an iconoclastic streak, and I love stretching the social boundaries of others. Bipolar disorder has been an illness made-to-order for people like me.

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

But it take truth to change. We really need to be honest by bringing things into the light. Obscuring the truth keeps us isolated and distant from others. Will speaking forthrightly about my bipolar disorder be a challenge? Of course. But necessary if I want to heal and cope.

I’m not advocating making a big sign and parading down Main Street. Just to be a bit more honest with others, and ultimately with ourselves. Let’s be comfortable with our own personal “whim-whams.”

Out of Time

“So as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. 3 For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry.”

1 Peter 4:2-3, ESV (emphasis mine)

“It means you have turned from your own desires and want to obey God for the rest of your life. 3 You have already lived long enough like people who don’t know God. You were immoral and followed your evil desires. You went around drinking and partying and carrying on.”

(CEV)

There is an expectation in the very heart of God that we will move beyond gross sin. Peter reminds the Church that time has run out on them. As redeemed people our options to sin boldly are finished. But I think we all need Peter’s reminder as well.

The Holy Spirit that abides within (if you are a believer) is allergic to sin. It is true that God loves the sinner, but hates the sin that we do. God has not come to some kind of alliance with our disobedience and rebellion. He is called “the Holy Spirit” for a reason.

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.”

1 John 2:1

Imagine a soldier running through an enemy fortification. His goal is to advance without being shot. He will certainly avoid heavy concentration of fire. All his training and effort has prepared him for this moment. Soldiers never go into battle thinking they will only shot once or twice. (He is allergic to lead).

Let us not underestimate the enemy, or the sin that tempts us. However, 1 John 2 stresses that sin should be avoided, but if we do sin, we have Jesus as our advocate. We don’t emphasize the sin, but the Savior who is for us. Jesus stands and intercedes for us, every time we choose to sin.

Let us always seek to be filled with “the Spirit of Holiness“ (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit). This should be a moment-by-moment necessity. He supplies everything, and stints at nothing. Only our pride and self-will can stymie His work. We are completely dependent on Him.

Self-Deception & Brokenbelievers

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”

Psalm 145:18

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.”

Psalm 51:6, NASB

Self-deception is sort of an occupational hazard for believing Christians. We have this strong tendency to walking and seeing out of delusion. A certain amount of confusion comes over religious people who have lost the sense of truth; we lose the sense of words and definitions of the Faith. We may say all the right things (and at the right time,) but no longer understand what is real, and what is true.

We can see this in our worship. We come to God and say the things we think he wants to hear. We declare praises, but they revert to a superficial veneer that covers up our lives. We can be fairly sincere in this, but we’re not speaking what is real. We can sing “praise the Lord,” without a true sense of what we are truly saying or doing.

We can see this in our prayer times. We come into the room and encounter God. (At least we hope so). But we say things like, “I give you my heart,” when we haven’t really. We so want to please God, so we tell him the things we think he would like to hear. We can polish our words to the point they are no longer real.

I know this may seem harshly dismissive of many peoples discipleship, and I’m sorry if it seems this way. But I’m really describing myself. I want the ‘real me’ to encounter the real God. “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32). That freedom comes as a result of knowing what is real.

Perhaps we should become alert:

of words that have lost their meaning,
of the tendency toward self-deception,
of the unreal world of the enemy,
of God’s love of the truth.

Oh Father, please may it be the real me that speaks to the real you. Keep me from deceiving myself with empty and vain words that have a long time ago lost their meaning. May I truly possess what I glibly profess. Keep me true, dear Lord. Amen.

Accommodating Life

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.”

James 4:14

The story is told of a man who went to a toy store to buy something suitable for his young son. He looked high and low for something just right; he wanted a gift that would be perfect. Perhaps an educational toy? The sales girl was helpful. She steered him to many different toys, but nothing was what he was looking for. He didn’t want just any toy– he wanted a memory maker, and something that would last.

Then at last he saw a rather plain-looking box. It wasn’t shiny or glossy like some. But the description on it was interesting, and it said it was suitable for ages 5 through 95. That kind of intrigued him and he read the fine print. It seemed to be a puzzle or game of some kind or another. He shook the box and heard the pieces rattle inside. It seemed to captivate him.

The box said that it came unassembled. Parental help was helpful. There also was a statement that the contents were designed to teach a person how to deal with life, and required some diligence and intelligence to put it together. But there in the smallest fine print, “this toy was never intended to be put together perfectly.”

The man realized that this was the ideal gift for his son. It would teach him that life really never can be assembled quite right. There will always be something missing, or a critical flaw. And there is very little we can do about it. Perhaps the most significant lesson learned is “humility.”

That is why we must turn to God. He alone can make our lives work. The father wanted to teach his son that critical lesson. He wanted to prepare him for failure and frustration. Life never works out the way we want it to, and we should accommodate that idea.

“All have been given a box of tools, a formless rock and a book of rules. And each must make in his life, a stumbling block or a stepping stone.”

~unknown

12 “In the few days of our meaningless lives, who knows how our days can best be spent? Our lives are like a shadow. Who can tell what will happen on this earth after we are gone?”

Ecclesiastes 6:12

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

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