Category: despair

Upgrading to Joy

by Julie Anne Fidler, BB Weekly Contributor

I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling ill – particularly with depression – I don’t want to do anything. Getting out of bed is a chore, tackling business or housework is excruciating, and when it’s all over we are twice as exhausted as we were when we started. Church seems out of the question. Reading the Bible seems impossible. Joy is a far-away star hurtling through the cosmos that you can’t grasp and reign in. Your world shuts down and you have no desire to grant access to anyone or anything. Sadness is a great isolator.

One of my favorite websites is www.dictionary.com (a writer’s best friend!) It defines joy as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.” The primary words here are “caused by.”  We don’t always feel joy. Heck, nobody does. But if you battle mental illness, that statement is especially true. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy and he uses our brain chemistry to do so. He’s so, so good at stealing our joy. But knowing that joy is caused by something should give us a lot of hope!

Maybe the Enemy can snatch our joy, but we can snatch it back. How do we do that? We decide to go against our feelings of despair and exhaustion and pursue it. Job’s suffering makes ours seem almost laughable by comparison and yet even he was able to find the cause of joy and run to it.

“let their flesh be renewed like a child’s;
   let them be restored as in the days of their youth’—
26 then that person can pray to God and find favor with him,
   they will see God’s face and shout for joy;
   he will restore them to full well-being.
27 And they will go to others and say,
   ‘I have sinned, I have perverted what is right,
   but I did not get what I deserved.”

-Job 33:25-27

Job, a man who lost everything and was abandoned by everyone he ever cared for, understood what unlocks joy, and that was God himself.  Jesus, of course, understood the same concept.

“Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” –John 16:24

 

During a very dark period in my life, I started visiting my current church with friends who were already members there. My church is a rather Pentecostal church (no snake-handling or anything crazy like that, I promise) and at the time I was visiting, I was a member of a much more subdued church. I was in so much emotional pain that I opted out of worship altogether. I sat in my seat and cried as others raised their hands and shouted praise and I wondered how they could be so happy when we live in a world that is so cold.

But a funny thing happened as I sat there in tears – the little layer of ice around my heart began to melt. I wasn’t on my feet dancing, but I felt warm peace seep into the frigid hopelessness. I had found a tiny bit of joy, CAUSED by getting out of bed, getting dressed, and sitting in that church pew.

Say the word “joy” and two different pictures come to mind. In the first image, I see someone jumping up and down, pumping their fist in the air, shouting praise to God. In the second image, I see someone quiet and reserved, eyes closed, a tiny, peaceful smile on their lips. I believe that both of these images apply to us. Sometimes joy is all-consuming and we can’t help but shout. Other times, joy is a quiet whisper of hope in our ear, a flicker of happiness that says “take heart, God loves you.”

And I am learning that if we have no joy, whether it’s because we’re suffering a rough bout with our disease or because life is just hard in general, it’s because we’re not close enough to the cause of joy. Often, our minds say there is no hope or joy in this world, so we have to make a decision – are we going to listen to our messed-up emotions, or live by fact, which translates into walking by faith? If we want joy, we have find it.

One of the associate pastors at my church once said something that stuck with me. He said, “I want to be under the spout where the stuff of Heaven comes out.” It may be a little bit cheesy but it’s true. Corporate worship, quiet time alone with God, reading the Word, private worship and surrounding ourselves with people who compliment and encourage our faith are all “the stuff of Heaven” that cause joy. We have to get to the spout.

If you feel the walls closing in around you today, deny your pain, get up, and go find joy.  The joy of the Lord is so powerful that a tiny drop is more than enough, I challenge you today to believe for an outpouring of it. Get up and get under that spout.

 *** 

Julie Anne Fidler is a contributing writer for Brokenbelievers.com.  She comes with a humble and understanding heart for those with a mental illness.  Her writing gift is valued greatly.  Look for her post weekly, on this blog.
She keeps a personal ministry blog at www.mymentalhealthday.blogspot.com.  Read more there.

Understanding Suicide

Getting a Grip on Suicide

"Suicide" by Manet, 1877
"Suicide" by Manet, 1877

 Can a Christian believer attempt suicide?  My own first-hand experience rings out a resounding YES!  We can be so driven by major depression that it effects our relationship with the God who loves us and pushes us into a place of complete hopelessness. Very often, it is an attack by evil upon our lives.

 Suicide is not a mental illness in itself, but a serious potential consequence of many mental disorders, particularly major depression.

Who is most likely to commit suicide? Suicide rates are highest in teens, young adults, and the elderly. People over the age of 65 have the highest rate of suicide. Although women are more likely to attempt suicide, men are more likely to be successful.

 Suicide risk also is higher in the following groups:

•Older people who have lost a spouse through death or divorce  

•People who have attempted suicide in the past

•People with a family history of suicide

•People with a friend or co-worker who committed suicide

•People with a history of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

•People who are unmarried, unskilled, or unemployed

•People with long-term pain, or a disabling or terminal illness

•People who are prone to violent or impulsive behavior

•People who have recently been released from a psychiatric hospitalization (This often is a very frightening period of transition.)

•People in certain professions, such as police officers and health care providers who work with terminally ill patients

•People with substance abuse problems

What are the warning signs for suicide? Following are some of the possible warning signs that a person may be at risk for suicide:

•Excessive sadness or moodiness — Long-lasting sadness and mood swings can be symptoms of depression, a major risk factor for suicide.

 •Sudden calmness — Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life.

  •Withdrawal — Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.

 •Changes in personality and/or appearance — A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about his or her personal appearance.  

•Dangerous or self-harmful behavior — Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex, and increased use of drugs and/or alcohol might indicate that the person no longer values his or her life.

•Recent trauma or life crisis — A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, divorce or break-up of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems.  

•Making preparations — Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide.

 •Threatening suicide — Not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow through with it. However, every threat of suicide should be taken seriously.

Can suicide be prevented? Definitely. In many cases suicide can be averted. Research suggests that the best way to prevent suicide is to know the risk factors, be alert to the signs of depression and other mental disorders, recognize the warning signs for suicide, and intervene before the person can complete the process of self-destruction.

Praying for and listening to the afflicted should be something we practice.  The despair of the suicidal is intense, but it gets dangerous when that despair turns into resignation and calmness (without a resolution).

 

Get the Nail Gun: Understanding Your Guilt

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God’s love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. –Jude 1:21

 

The world does not know what to do with all our guilt.  It affects every person and what we think about.  Guilt is much more destructive then Hurricane Katrina ever was. People talk about being crippled by guilt.  Psychiatrists have come out and said that 80% of their patients could be healed if people could resolve their guilt and their remorse for their past sins.  So much drinking and drug abuse is simply trying to numb yourself, if just for a little while.  Forgiving yourself is not an easy thing.  We must remember that all sin committed ultimately is against Jesus, and we must put our hearts in position for grace and mercy to fill us.  The Holy Spirit hovers over us, and yet He does not condemn.  He is not the accuser; He is the Helper and the Comforter.  The Holy Spirit convicts but He will not condemn.

Satan has a ministry–it is to accuse you before the Father.  He is malicious and savage.  He delights in reminding you of your sin and evil. He unceasingly pounds you.  The devil has an evil plan for your life, and works continuously to implement it.  Guilt and remorse are just two weapons at his disposal.

We honor God when we accept our sin, and His forgiveness.  Our verse from Jude declares that we must keep ourselves in the love that God has for us.  It takes intentional effort.  Our guilt is heavy, so we must put it down.  And then we must deliberately stand and purposefully open our outstretched arms to His forgiveness.  We need to “keep ourselves in the love of God”.  I get out my “spiritual nail gun” and fix myself in His love.

Guilt is like wounding ourselves.  Satan pokes our wound in order irritate it.  We learn to hide it from God, and others.  But these things are killing us. It’s like having gangrene. And the brutal sorrow and regret consume us.  I guess that is why we have Jude 1:21 in the first place.

Photo: How We Learn to Love

There are times when we are driven to a most desperate place.  We can go no lower.  Jesus meets us, He does not forsake us.  He stands up and intercedes for our souls.  He bends over to pick us up, speaking wonderful things to our confused and misguided hearts.  He loves us, and the purpose of our trials teach us that critical truth.  We learn it in no other way.